On the Assault: The Real-Life Weaponry of the Expendables 2

Genre: Short
14 min

- Keep this sucker steady, Toll!

- I'm doin' my best!

Here we go!

Come on, you bastards!

Eat sh*t!

- Better duck.

- Oh, sh*t!


Cover up!


- Watch your head, Insect!

- Shut up, Gunner!

Gotta love it!

Incoming chopper!

We gotta get this thing

outta here!

You got any ideas?

- That's what I'm askin' you!

- Well, I'm askin' you.


I got this.


Toll Road, get 'im up.


- Oh, this is embarrassing.

- Yeah, it sure is.

- What's he doin' here?

- Saving this Chinese billionaire.

Oh, yeah? That's funny.

So are we.

Well, then we have

a scheduling problem, don't we?

- Cut me loose... Frankenstein.

- Don't get nuts, Gunner.

Do it.

- Where's your team?

- Waiting.

I need a weapon.

Something big.

- Yours.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

My big weapon's hangin'

right where it is.

C'mon, Caesar. You got a backup.

If I don't get this back,

your ass is terminated.

In your dreams.

- Trench, we got a way out.

- Thanks. I got my own.

Let's get you out of here, pal.

Hey, look. I hate to break up the bromance.

We're 20 seconds late!

Get Moneybags up.

A "thank you" would be nice.

- I hate owing you.

- Well, you do, big boy.

Let's go, Yao.

- Did you win?

- Of course I win.

Let's go!

I'm out!

Now you put on your lucky ring?

One wet wall comin' up.

I got your gang bang

right here!


I got your back!

Keep movin'!

Here we go!

- Why always me?

- You hit?

Yeah, twice.

- Better you than me.

- That's nice. Nice.

- You order room service?

- Not really.

This is gonna be

a piss-poor ending.

- That loaded?

- We can only hope.

Sorry, sir. I had to adjust

for a wind shift.

No problem.

Hit the last position.

Movin' out. Over.

Let's go, go, go!


Let's go! Come on!

Okay, hold on, ladies.

The cavalry's here.

It's about time you got here!

- Wake up Santa.

- On it.


The guy is good. You're good.

Appreciate it, sir.

We'll swing around

and pick you up, kid.

Won't be late, sir.


All right, guys.

Put your toys away.

Target in sight.

- Soup's hot!

- Fire!

- You missed.

- You're aimin'!




- Yeah!

- Whoo!

That was a statement.

Hit it!

- Drop the skis!

- Come on, get rid of this weight.

Climb, baby.

Climb, baby!


It ain't gettin' up!

Lucky ring.

Lucky ring.

We are approximately

Not that I wanna hear it,

what's the oil pressure?

- Faulty.

- Oh, great. And the altimeter?

Would you believe?

It's stuck on 10,000 feet.

- Hydraulics?

- What hydraulics?


You own another piece of junk now.

- Hey, can we talk when you're not too busy?

- Sure, anytime.

Kid's amazing.

Really. So am I.

You're just used to me.

Get the client ready.

What is going on?

Looks like you're takin'

a shortcut home, pal.

Parachute good?


Why you got a parachute?

Can you believe they changed

our landing permit until tomorrow?

Yeah, but it's okay.

I'll get home a little earlier.

Fifteen seconds.

Openin' the hatch!

Yang, get Moneybags home safely.

So when you comin' back?

Maybe soon, maybe never.

Maybe try a new life.

Then who am I supposed

to pick on?

You will find another minority.



See you later... alligator.

That's real Chinese takeout.

Floor it. I'm homesick.

You got it.

Yes! I love this song! Whoo!

Juliet! Two.

Christmas... my friend...

Please tell me

you ain't goin' through with this.

Course I am. Look at that girl.

Who wouldn't marry 'er?

She cheated on you.

- It was a half-cheat.

- Which is?

The other side of a half-truth.

- The facts are murky.

- Murky.

I hate to break this to you, pal,

but your girlfriend over there

has a world-class cheatin' gene.

- I should stab you in the heart.

- Too late.

Hi, cheers.

You know, I used to think

you had a black heart.

Black is too colorful.

- Hey, babe.

- Hey.

- Hey, Barney.

- Hey, Lacy.

Promise next time not to keep

my baby away so long?

Cross my heart.

If he had one.

Look who's lost in space.

Got a pen?


You got anything

that doesn't have skulls on it?

Matter of fact, I don't.

Einstein's theory

of special relativity.

Only I made it better.

Believe it or not, before Gunner became

chemically unbalanced,

he went to MIT, had a Master's degree

in chemical engineering.

This idiot actually had a brain,

you believe that?

- Well, what happened?

- He quit to be a bouncer.

I wanted to get close to this girl

who danced at this disco.

Yeah, I can't believe

she dumped you.

- Wouldn't you?

- I would, yeah.

- Can we talk outside?

- Yeah, sure. Let's go.

- How do I put this?

- Just be straight up. Honest.

I feel, uh...

I'm not sure what I feel.

This life... it's not for you, is it?

I thought it was.

You gave me a chance to be one o' you,

and you got my respect forever.

And you got my respect, too.

What are you gonna do?

Well, I'd like to finish out the month.

Then I wanna go

meet up with my girlfriend.

- Where's she from?

- She's, uh, she's French.

Believe it or not, I met 'er

in Afghanistan. She was a nurse.

- That comes in handy.

- Yeah. And you'd like 'er.

You know, she's the kind o' person

you wanna do things for.

That's why I took this job,

cause the money's great and...

Now I can afford to get 'er

everything she deserves...

It's one o' those things

that just feels right.

Well, you know, when you can be with someone

and you don't even have to talk.

You already know what they're thinkin'.

You ever had that?


I don't want you to think that

I'm desertin' you.

No, listen. If I had to do it

all over again at your age,

I'd be doin' what you're doin'.

Why don't you

freshen up that beer?

All right.

Barney... Ross.

What do you want from me, Church?

Not too good in the memory category,

are you, Barney?

You made a deal with me.

You gave me your word.

And you end up

blowin' up half of Vilena,

punchin' holes and a bowie knife

through a fellow CIA agent,

even if he was a dirtbag.

But what breaks my heart...

is that you stole 5 million dollars

from me.

And for all this male pattern badness,

I could've put you in the deepest,

darkest hole in Gitmo.

No sunlight.

- But I kept you out.

- Great.

Because I knew the day would come

when you were gonna pay me back.

Today... is that day.

Keep talkin'.

A Chinese plane got shot down

over the mountains

near a hell-hole called Gasak.

- Yeah? Who shot it down?

- Take a guess.

On board that plane is a safe carrying something

you don't need to know about.

All you need to know is

you can't let it fall into the wrong hands.

Now, you're gonna go in there,

and you're gonna get the contents

of that safe before anyone else.

You're gonna bring it to me.

It should be

a walk in the park for you.

And then we're even.

We'll get to that.

The safe in that plane

is very high-tech.

The access code changes

every 120 seconds.

You use the wrong code,

it blows.

- So we need to get you in...

- Wait, wait.

"We". Who's "we"?

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "On the Assault: The Real-Life Weaponry of the Expendables 2" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/on_the_assault:_the_real-life_weaponry_of_the_expendables_2_7862>.

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