Old Fashioned

1

I thought I'd always be alone.

Why?

It's what I deserve.

Oh, that's a bunch of hooey.

It's not true.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I've never met anyone like you.

What are you so afraid of?

What do you think,

Mr. Joe? Home?

See what you think.

Wow!

This is nice!

I need some references,

of course.

Aren't you coming in?

I don't bite.

How do I know?

- What is this?

- What's what?

Come over here,

and I'll show you.

Seriously?

What's your deal, stress boy?

Please don't take it

personally, it's just...

I made a promise

to never be alone

with any woman

that's not my wife.

Oh!

That's sweet.

I think.

Is she the jealous type?

Oh, I'm not married.

- Engaged?

- No.

Living together?

Dating?

No, I don't date.

I have a theory about that.

So, who'd you make

this promise to?

Old fashioned, huh?

Yeah.

It's a little on the nose.

What can I say?

Three eligible bachelors remain,

and 25 single

and seductive ladies

are ready to do battle

to win the man of their dreams.

Tune in tonight.

Oh, come on, Clay.

Speak! I command you.

I'm not telling you nothin'.

Traitor!

I'm sworn to secrecy, man.

I gave my word to Lisa.

Oh, man, what'd she get me?

No way! I'd be dead.

You want me dead?

You're a coward.

You're a traitor and a coward.

All right, ladies.

That's it for the big stuff.

I don't know what

I would've done without you.

Yeah, you'll find out

soon enough.

We ain't going to L.A.

Oh!

Oh, man, is that

what I think it is?

Man!

Oh, feels like 100 years ago.

Should have been

undefeated, baby.

Come on.

Yes. Top of the key.

It's my fault.

I was wide open.

Hey, get in there.

Get the close up, man.

Get the close up.

Well, well, well,

this is a surprise.

After last night,

I figured I owed you one.

It was so good seeing you again.

It was.

Amazing.

So, uh, what's with the truck?

Oh, um, I got a new job.

Isn't that great?

Where?

Hollywood.

Los Angeles.

I thought you'd be happy for me.

You told me last night

I could move in.

Well, you can.

I didn't say with me.

I put a good word in for you

with the landlord.

In fact, I told him

to keep my security deposit

for your first month's rent.

No problem.

It's all yours.

Clay, stop judging me!

The only sin in this world,

you dinosaur, is being boring.

And, brother, I am not guilty.

And that's why

I'm going nationwide.

Syndication, baby!

Live on the radio

from the City of Angels.

My heart weeps for America.

Oh, come on, you're gonna miss

me, so will what's her face.

Okay, here's an idea.

How 'bout this?

Why don't you

just crawl back under

that cute little antique shop

and make up some more

theories you never test out

at the grown up table

anymore, hmm?

I didn't do anything unto her

that I didn't want done unto me.

Wait, I'm sorry.

Seriously, though, I'm sorry.

Seriously, though, remember

that summer in Myrtle Beach

with the redheaded

cheerleader and her...

Oh, come on,

that is my favorite story.

Will you please just...

please, Daddy?

Please?

When I was a child, I talked

like a child, I thought like a...

Oh, here we go.

The hermit has a proclamation.

Oh, come on, man!

No, please, by all means,

don't let me interrupt you.

So, tomorrow, right?

Tomorrow.

Women are stupid.

Every single one of them

loves to believe

in some sort of fairytale,

offer the illusion of security,

just pretend everything

is gonna be okay.

And abracadabra!

Lines are open.

Give Lucky Chucky a call.

You know the number,

you lemmings.

Pick up the phone...

Tim from Lakeland,

you're on the air.

Live the dream, my brother.

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