
Old Fashioned
1
I thought I'd always be alone.
Why?
It's what I deserve.
Oh, that's a bunch of hooey.
It's not true.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
I've never met anyone like you.
What are you so afraid of?
What do you think,
Mr. Joe? Home?
See what you think.
Wow!
This is nice!
I need some references,
of course.
Aren't you coming in?
I don't bite.
How do I know?
- What is this?
- What's what?
Come over here,
and I'll show you.
Seriously?
What's your deal, stress boy?
Please don't take it
personally, it's just...
I made a promise
to never be alone
with any woman
that's not my wife.
Oh!
That's sweet.
I think.
Is she the jealous type?
Oh, I'm not married.
- Engaged?
- No.
Living together?
Dating?
No, I don't date.
So, who'd you make
this promise to?
Old fashioned, huh?
Yeah.
It's a little on the nose.
What can I say?
Three eligible bachelors remain,
and 25 single
and seductive ladies
are ready to do battle
to win the man of their dreams.
Tune in tonight.
Oh, come on, Clay.
Speak! I command you.
I'm not telling you nothin'.
Traitor!
I'm sworn to secrecy, man.
I gave my word to Lisa.
Oh, man, what'd she get me?
No way! I'd be dead.
You want me dead?
You're a coward.
You're a traitor and a coward.
All right, ladies.
That's it for the big stuff.
I don't know what
I would've done without you.
Yeah, you'll find out
soon enough.
We ain't going to L.A.
Oh!
Oh, man, is that
what I think it is?
Man!
Should have been
undefeated, baby.
Come on.
Yes. Top of the key.
It's my fault.
I was wide open.
Hey, get in there.
Get the close up, man.
Get the close up.
Well, well, well,
this is a surprise.
After last night,
I figured I owed you one.
It was so good seeing you again.
It was.
Amazing.
So, uh, what's with the truck?
Oh, um, I got a new job.
Isn't that great?
Where?
Hollywood.
Los Angeles.
I thought you'd be happy for me.
You told me last night
I could move in.
Well, you can.
I didn't say with me.
I put a good word in for you
with the landlord.
In fact, I told him
to keep my security deposit
for your first month's rent.
No problem.
It's all yours.
Clay, stop judging me!
The only sin in this world,
you dinosaur, is being boring.
And, brother, I am not guilty.
And that's why
I'm going nationwide.
Syndication, baby!
Live on the radio
from the City of Angels.
Oh, come on, you're gonna miss
me, so will what's her face.
Okay, here's an idea.
How 'bout this?
Why don't you
just crawl back under
and make up some more
theories you never test out
at the grown up table
anymore, hmm?
I didn't do anything unto her
that I didn't want done unto me.
Wait, I'm sorry.
Seriously, though, I'm sorry.
Seriously, though, remember
with the redheaded
cheerleader and her...
Oh, come on,
that is my favorite story.
Will you please just...
please, Daddy?
Please?
When I was a child, I talked
like a child, I thought like a...
Oh, here we go.
The hermit has a proclamation.
Oh, come on, man!
No, please, by all means,
don't let me interrupt you.
So, tomorrow, right?
Tomorrow.
Women are stupid.
Every single one of them
loves to believe
in some sort of fairytale,
offer the illusion of security,
just pretend everything
is gonna be okay.
And abracadabra!
Lines are open.
You know the number,
you lemmings.
Pick up the phone...
Tim from Lakeland,
you're on the air.
Live the dream, my brother.
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Citation
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"Old Fashioned" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/old_fashioned_15150>.