Oh! What A Lovely War

I say,

the Archduke's got his wife with him.

I thought they usually kept her

out of sight.

Today is their

1 4th wedding anniversary.

I see.

So that's why she's been allowed out.

It's a pity he married beneath him.

What on earth will they do with her

when he inerits the Austrian empire?

Perhaps by that time, madame,

Austria will no longer have an empire.

My dear Monsieur Poincar.

Don't tell me you've got

some delicious piece of gossip.

You must understand, my dear,

that France doesn't approve of Austria

at the moment.

- Oh?

- Against Austria, nothing.

But their foreign minister...

Count Berchtold?

Why, he's absolutely charming.

He wishes to make a war

against Serbia,

so he crawls to the Kaiser for aid.

I don't think there'll be any war.

There speaks the true diplomat.

And if there is, there's certainly no need

for us to get involved.

Yes. Well, I mean,

you know, who cares?

Serbia's such a little country anyway,

you know.

And I mean, they're always

up to something, aren't they?

Serbia is little, madame,

but it will not be a little war.

Well, that's up to you

and the Russians, isn't it?

As you wish.

Please excuse me, madame.

Enchante.

Sir Edward.

- My dear Edward.

- Poldy.

Your Majesty, you know

the British Secretary

of State for Foreign Affairs,

Sir Edward Grey.

Count Helmuth von Moltke,

Chief of the German General Staff.

Still expanding your army and navy?

We like to keep busy.

Yes, we're off to sign the...

He's forced me to mobilise...

I see the French President

is hobnobbing with the Czar again.

I really think they mean

to fight with us over Serbia.

Quite ridiculous.

Couldrt you persuade your king

to have a talk to the Czar?

After all, they're cousins.

Why not ask the Kaiser?

He's a cousin of Nicholas, too.

Well, I hope the French haven't

encouraged you to do anything foolish.

Germany is with us.

It could be embarrassing.

- Because our royal family is German?

- Precisely.

I think they may be relied on

to play their part.

Excellent. Excellent.

After all,

the last thing any of us want is a war.

War?

War is unthinkable!

It is out of the question!

It would upset the balance of power.

We Germans are an industrious

and moral people.

We have earned the right to have

our say in the world's affairs.

The Republic of France

is the seat of reason,

the centre of world civilisation

and culture!

Now, look here. The British Empire

is the most magnificent example...

Gentlemen!

Gentlemen.

Ready for the shot, if you please!

Would the Italian

and Turkish gentlemen

move in a little closer, please?

Right. Nice smile for everybody!

Austrian Archduke assassinated.

Austrian Archduke assassinated!

Austrian Archduke assassinated!

Hey, wait for me!

I want to see the Emperor, too!

Count Berchtold? Count Berchtold!

Wait for me! Count Berchtold!

Have you signed the declaration of war,

Your Majesty?

Have you signed the declaration of war,

Your Majesty?

I have this report from the Commander

of the Fourth Army Corps.

"Serbian troops

have fired on our positions

"from steamers on the Danube.

"Our troops,

in order to defend themselves,

"were forced to return the enemy fire.

"A considerable skirmish developed."

"Assassination, terrorism...

"Failure to accede

to our legitimate demands,"

et cetera, et cetera.

"Austria now at war with Serbia."

The more so

since Serbian provocateurs

are already attacking

Austrian troop positions.

Hostilities have already begun.

But that wasrt true.

The Serbians haven't attacked anyone.

Of course not.

And as the information about the

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