Obvious Child

Synopsis: For aspiring comedian Donna Stern, everyday life as a female twenty-something provides ample material for her relatable brand of humor. On stage, Donna is unapologetically herself, joking about topics as intimate as her sex life and as crude as her day-old underwear. But when Donna winds up unexpectedly pregnant after a one-night stand, she is forced to face the uncomfortable realities of independent womanhood for the first time. Donna's drunken hookup - and epic lapse in prophylactic judgment - turns out to be the beginning of an unplanned journey of self-discovery and empowerment.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Gillian Robespierre
Production: A24 Films
  10 wins & 29 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.8
Metacritic:
76
Rotten Tomatoes:
90%
R
Year:
2014
84 min
Website
682 Views

I used to hide

what my vagina did to my underpants.

And, by the way, what all vagina's

do to all underpants, okay?

There is no woman who ends her day

with, like, a clean pair of underpants

that look like they've ever

even come from a store, okay?

They look like little bags

that have fallen face down

in, like, a tub of cream cheese,

and then, like,

commando-crawled their way out.

And then, like, carabinered up,

like, into a crotch.

Like, they're not items

that are for anyone to see.

But now, I'm just like, "Whatever."

You know, I have a human vagina.

Okay, who here just saw my face

and thought that they were

at a bagel store in a synagogue?

Who thought that?

Who stared at my face

and thought that I'm the product of

if a menorah f*cked Natalie Imbruglia?

But the menorah, like, had me.

You know what I mean?

You know, like when two lesbians

have a baby,

and everyone's like, "They did it!"

And they're like,

"But it's really Karen's."

"it's gonna be husky."

You guys are like,

"You're a horrible woman."

But let me tell you, I agree. I agree.

I, surprisingly, am not alone in my life.

I have a boyfriend.

Yeah, he's cool.

He's got a, you know, working dick.

Yeah, he's a human male.

I'll put it that way.

But I'm still honking down on that D

when I need to.

Literally, only when I need to.

Like, it's not that I don't like doing it.

It's just that, after a while,

it just becomes a step towards,

like, getting rhythmically banged out

until your worries can go away,

and you can pass out for eight hours.

That's sort of where we're at.

Functional. Functional, you know.

We've worked out all the kinks.

Man, I think I just heard

his heart stop beating.

When we first started dating,

my butthole was so scared,

you know, that it might, like,

lose the chance at romance,

that it was just like, "Everyone, shut down,"

and it was like...

But then when he would, like,

leave my apartment, I would be like,

"Good night,"

and pretend to be so confident

in everything that just happened.

Even though I was like,

"Was that cool when I did that?

Was that cool when I did that?"

Then I would just masturbate to my worries

until he came back.

I would just shut the door and, like, stand

there for a minute and then just be like...

"No, no, no. Don't you be your old self."

And then it would be like,

"But it feels so good. I gotta..."

That's my butthole's voice.

"I gotta be me!"

"I gotta be me!"

And then it would just be like...

That's me walking up my stairs.

Anyone need a barf bag?

- Hey.

- Hi, sweetie.

- How's it going?

- Good.

Am I having a stroke,

or does this soap smell like popcorn?

- You're not having a stroke.

- Good.

It just smells like your hand, you know.

Smells normal.

A couple of other people

are going to another bar,

and I know that

you don't like leaving the radius,

but I really wanna go and have, like,

one, two, one million more drinks.

Yeah, I don't think I can go.

Okay. Do you wanna just go home,

and we can finish that documentary about...

Things have been kind of f*cked up

between us lately, you know?

And then you go,

and you talk about it up there.

It's just a very weird feeling for me.

Are you still mad at me about last night?

- No.

- 'Cause I told you that I didn't feel well,

because I ate street meat

from the cart at work.

And also, you just said you didn't do

the thing that I wanna do, and I'm not...

I've been sleeping with Kate.

What?

You know, we can't lie to you anymore.

You're, like, a we? You guys are a we? No.

I wanted to tell you sooner.

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Gillian Robespierre

Gillian Robespierre (June 29, 1978) is an American director and writer, known for writing and directing the films Obvious Child and Landline. more…

All Gillian Robespierre scripts | Gillian Robespierre Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Obvious Child" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 21 Aug. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/obvious_child_15071>.

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