Nuts in May

Genre: Comedy, Short
30 min



# I want to get away,

she said, I want to get away

# I'll take you on a trip,

he said

# We'll have a holiday

# We'll be with Mother Nature

and laugh and sing and play

# I want to get away, she said,

I want to get away


# I wonder where we'll go, she said

# I wonder where we'll go

# I'll look around the world,

he said, I'll search both high and low

# The prettiest is Dorset,

it has so many charms

# We'll walk across the hills and dales

and look at all the farms #


You can't sing that, Keith.

Why not?

It doesn't sound right.

Better to sing...

# We'll walk across the hills and dales

linking each other's arms #

Well, that doesn't scan.

-Hello, good afternoon.

-Good afternoon.

My name's Mr Pratt.

I phoned Mr Beale on the 21 st of March.

-Shall I park over there?

-Yes, do.

Thank you.

Now then, Candice Marie,

you stay here and I'll go across

and check in at the office.

-I won't be long.

-I'll come across with you, Keith.

Now you stay here and mind the things.

-Don't touch the ignition key.

-I want to come with you, Keith.

I'd prefer it if you stayed there.

Now, I won't be long.

-Nice day.

Yes, isn't it?

Yes, we stopped off at Winchester,

had a look at the cathedral and...

Did my father tell you about

paying in advance?

-No, he didn't mention that.

-You have to pay in advance.

-Two adults?


-One car?

-That's right.

-One tent.


-And you're staying for how many nights?

-Ten nights.

That'll be 1 0.

Oh. Er...

1 0, camping.

Right. Now, there's 1 0 exactly.

Now I have to sign here, do I?

-Yes, I'll give you a receipt.

-Thank you.

-What's the date?

-It's the 21 st.


-And your name is...

-Mr Pratt. K Pratt.


We have a daily delivery of eggs,

milk and bread

if you'd like to place an order.

-Are the, uh, eggs free range?


-And the milk is pasteurised?


Yes, well, we have our own bread

and we won't be needing any deliveries,

thank you.

Croydon, Surrey.

Lavatories, sinks,

wash-hand basins, towels

and somewhere to dry your clothes.



This is my wife, Mrs Pratt.

How do you do?

Now I'll show you the toilet block.

Gents on the right, ladies on the left.



And hot and cold water.

And we can do our washing up

down there, can we?

No, there's taps all over the campsite.

I see.

And can we pitch our tent

anywhere we like?

Yes, providing you keep your car

to the gravel.

Enjoy your stay.

Make sure the colours are right.

Red to red.

Green to green.

All right,

now pass green in to me.



Stage seven. Flysheet.

That's it, over the top.

Now, locate the eyelet, Candice Marie.

-Isn't it lovely, Keith?


Right, what's next?

Now, stage eight, you put the kettle on

and I'll peg out the flysheet.


That looks just like a watch, Keith.

Yes, different function, of course,

simply tells you how far you've walked.

There we are, just as I told you.

We have our own little nest here.


Do you want to hear my new poem, Keith?

Yes, I'd love to.

''A gentle flower that grows in spring

''That feels the sun upon its face

''It's free to smile and laugh and grin

''It knows no guilt or hate or sin

''It has no battles it must win

''Oh, how I love and envy him.''

Oh, it's quite simple.

It works on the same principle

as an ordinary thermometer,

it contains mercury.

The only difference being that

there are two sets of readings,

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this is the first script i writed. Sorry if my english is bad more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Nuts in May" STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 1 Jul 2022. <>.

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