Not Today

Come on, Audrey.

Just tonight.

I won't ask again,

I promise.

How about you have

a nice glass of warm milk...

...take a cold shower,

brush your teeth...

- I already have a mommy.

- Oh, yeah.

Why don't we ask her

if I should spend the night?

How about we ask my dad?

Come on, just tonight.

I will see you later.

Hey, yeah.

She's gone.

Come on over.

I do.

Yes, I'm listening.

I Promise.

Hey, homey, it's not

the end of the world.

- You guys are killing me.

- We're killing you?

I mean...

Oh, I'm sorry.

All right, then.

I'm all in.

Final hand,

final game.

Put up or shut up,

all right?

And to be clear,

the winner chooses the location.

One dart, no ifs,

ands, or buts.

All right, what are you doing?

- All right.

- Now let me deal with this.

- I call, I call.

- All right. Hey, listen, Please.

Did you just hang up on me?

What is going on over there?

Are the guys over there?

Are you drinking?

No, no, I am not

drinking right now.

- Are you lying?

- No.

Look, just tell me

the truth.

No, I'm not, okay?

Would you like

to come over and see?

Yes, actually.

That'd be great.

Yeah? No.

- No?

- No, baby.

What do we have

if we don't have trust?

- What'd he say?

- "If we don't have... "

- Did you say that out loud?

- Just because I don't go to...

...Bible school

doesn't make me a liar.

No, but lying does.

- Whatever, Caden.

- Audrey?

- It is about time.

- No joke, man.

Question. Why are we

throwing the dart?

Why don't we Google

the 10 most exotic locations?

Because one,

that would be typical.

Two, we agreed the winner

chooses the location in one dart.

So here we go.

Oh, God.

- Are you kidding me?

- No.

We are not going to India.

Bill, jump on the computer

and Google Hyderabad.

Yes, master.

- Hello, darling.

- She is on it.

Okay, Party's on, man.

I'm in.

It says, "This is the crown jewel of

the country, home to the Taj Mahal. "

We're talking

one of the seven wonders of the world.

Incredible beaches,

smoking hot red dress...

- ... on those beaches...

- Red dress.

...and we'd have more money there

than we have here?

Damn.

- Heck, yeah.

- Okay, good, good. Everybody good?

So we'll talk tomorrow?

I was getting ready to skinny-dip

in your infinity Pool.

- You weren't.

- Good night, drive safe, get out.

All right,

Peace, man.

Hi, baby, sorry,

just bad service.

So what were

you saying?

A quiet night alone?

What are you doing here?

And when exactly did lying

become your second language?

What?

That's really what you're going with?

That's your answer?

- Come on.

- "What"?

When did you become

one of those guys?

Why are you here again?

You said you were alone.

- I was.

- So I brought you a sundae.

Liar.

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry.

Those guys don't

bring out the best in me.

I know, I know.

So will you stay a minute?

Cheers.

A minute.

One minute.

Yeah, that didn't really

seem like a great idea.

I was just seeing

if it would light.

- I don't even want it.

- Totally on purpose.

You know, you're

becoming one of them.

You're the only one

who says that.

And who is them?

You're the only one

who seems to think that.

The reason I'm the only one

who says that is because...

...you don't hang out with anyone

who cares enough to be honest with you.

Thank you for the reminder.

I mean, do you even think

about going to church anymore?

- Audrey, Please.

- Do you even miss it?

Seriously, okay? Do you wanna know

why I don't go to church anymore?

- Yeah, I do.

- Okay.

I don't go to church

anymore because...

...it Puts me to sleep, okay?

It literally numbs my brain.

All right? I've seen

the strings, okay?

- You know what?

- They don't impress me.

Everyone spends

eternity somewhere.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Not my girlfriend.

Are you really resorting to that

bumper sticker T-shirt Christianity?

"Everybody spends

eternity somewhere"?

Not you.

Don't let them take you.

Three-second rule,

remember?

You've gotta be

kidding me.

Your favorite rule. I'm not,

and you should know better.

- That was silly two years ago.

- You don't have to be a jerk.

- You don't have to act like a 12-year-old.

- You first.

Honestly, Caden...

...is this really

who you wanna be?

Or should I be asking,

is this really who you are?

I...

I'm cute.

- Of course.

- And I am funny and sexy.

And arrogant and entitled

and self-centered.

- You forgot smart.

- Oh, so smart.

What you

did right there Proved it.

- You're smart.

- Okay.

Stop acting

like somebody you say you're not.

Stop hanging out with my mother.

Okay.

Okay, okay, look.

I'll make you

a deal, okay?

Annika!

Not the Prayer warriors!

Hi, guys.

- Hi.

- Are you guys still Praying for me?

- Always.

- Of course.

- Thank you.

- We miss seeing you on Sundays.

It'd be great to have

you back onstage, Caden.

- Yeah?

- Did you get your guitar from Audrey?

Yes, I did, Mother.

Ladies, it's school.

It's the root of all evil.

- Excuses, excuses.

- My schedule's hectic!

We just miss

seeing you around.

- Yeah, you know.

- Hi.

- Hi, hi.

- Hey, baby.

Nice car. Your father

out of town?

- Bye.

- Thank you so much.

- Coming through.

- Thank you.

Is he cra...?

By the way,

Dad is great.

Could you be nice?

Always.

Mom, I'm hungry.

Do we have food?

So, how is Audrey doing?

I don't know, you tell me.

I'm sure you already know the answer.

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