Not Suitable for Children

Synopsis: A young playboy who learns he has one month until he becomes infertile sets out to procreate as much as possible.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Peter Templeman
Production: Well Go USA
  4 wins & 7 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
97 min

# Hear her calling

# Come to me

# Thoughts of her

# Call my name

# Hey now, darling

# Heavy soul darling

# Heavy soul

# Just my colour

# Just my kind

# Got a heavy soul

# Next to mine

# Heart's on fire

# Get no sleep

# Drive all night... #

Two minutes!

Two minutes, everyone!

No, I'm pretty sure it's like an online,

direct debit kind of thing.

Or wait... Hang on.

Is that the gas?

You have lived here your entire life.

I think it's just the gas.

Uh, disconnection notice.

"This is your third and final notice.

"Due to outstanding amounts totalling..."


Hey, maybe I could sing?

No, I'm serious.

Gussie, hey, it's cool.

Everyone's here. They're having

a good time. Everyone's happy.

Hey, Cantzi! You happy?

Nah, I've cut myself

and I can't tell where.

He's happy, see?

No, Jonah, I can't see, because it's dark.

OK, come here, guys.

We're just three friends,

huddled together.

Someone needs to make

the announcement the party's over.


Um, Silvio.

He hates us.

He loves me.

Whatever you do, Jonah,

just don't hug him.

It's just really inappropriate.


Grab a drink, everyone!

There's plenty in the kegs!

Take some chill time.

Forget to pay the bill, mate?

We're on! We're on! We're on!

Is that my computer power board?

Have you been in my room?

Hi. Sir, thank you so much.

I really hope Jonah conveyed

how much we appreciate this.


Jonah said 500 cash

and a bottle of vodka.


Can you hear me?

OK, so... Hey, Gus!




We got that!


Mate, there's like

a million people out there.

There's, like, 150.

Half of them haven't paid yet.

Everyone! Need a favour!

We gotta get the juice back on.

So if you've got any money,

just hold it up. We need cash.

You still owe me

We're gonna get this party started.

Gonna get it started, Gussie.




Alright, on behalf of

Stevie, Gus, and myself,

big massive thanks

to Silvio, our neighbour.


Alright, let's take it through till lunchtime!

And then let's do it again next week!

Yes! Yes!

That's right, right here, here again,

this time, this place,

next friday!


# In the deserts of Sudan

# And the gardens of Japan

# From Milan

# To Yucatan

# Every woman

# And every man

# Hit me with your rhythm stick

# Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me

# Je t'adore, ich liebe dich

# Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me

# Hit me, hit me

# Hit me! #

Come on! Come on.

Oh, sorry!

Let's put some music on.

Let's...come here.




You alright?

You've got something here.

It's kinda hard.

Like a lump sort of thing.

Feels a bit like a frozen pea.

But not as cold.

A lump?

Just a little pressure now.

Just the left aspect there.

I'm afraid it's a bit of

bad news today, Jonah.

You have testicular cancer.

I know it sounds a bit nasty.

Testicular cancer is, in a manner of

thinking, the best kind of cancer to get.

The treatment is incredibly effective.

I'd have every expectation that

you would make a complete recovery.

Do you understand?

It's a relatively simple procedure

to remove the testicle.

Remove the testicle?



Aye. We have to permanently

remove the left testicle.

I was hoping to book the theatre

for Wednesday week.

Then you'll undergo further treatment

to ensure there's absolutely no spread...

Um, will it...

Will I lose my hair?

Not in this case, no.

The side effects are relatively mild.

Will I still be able to have sex?

Aye. It might take a couple of weeks,

but you will regain full sexual function.

With one exception.

The treatment will, unfortunately,

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Michael Lucas

Michael Lucas is the name of: Michael Lucas (director) (born 1972), performer in and director of gay pornographic films Michael Lucas (political activist) (born 1926), artist, designer, and political activist Michael Lucas, 2nd Baron Lucas of Chilworth (1926–2001), British peer and Conservative politician Mike Lucas (born 1959), football coach more…

All Michael Lucas scripts | Michael Lucas Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Not Suitable for Children" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 10 May 2021. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.