North

Synopsis: Eleven-year-old North has had it with his parents. They are always busy with their careers and don't give North the attention he needs, so he files a lawsuit against them. The judge rules that North should either find new parents or return to his own parents within two months. Thus north starts off on an hilarious journey around the world to find the parents that really care about him.
Director(s): Rob Reiner
Production: New Line/Columbia Tristar
  4 wins & 9 nominations.
 
IMDB:
4.4
Rotten Tomatoes:
14%
PG
Year:
1994
87 min
19 Views

1

"You want to build a rocket

"and send a man

into outer space,

"don't come to me.

"If you're looking for someone

"to perform a delicate

brain operation,

"I'm not your man.

"But if you have any questions

"regarding the quality

of a fine pair of pants,

that's what I know.

I know pants."

Ohh, I had a day.

Let me tell you.

Then he says,

"what about chinos?"

Talk about slaves

in ancient Egypt.

Dad.

"I know chinos."

Mom?

Those slaves were

in Disneyland.

Dad?

I grew up on jeans.

Being whipped while building

a pyramid's no bargain.

Overalls...

now he's insulting me.

Those slaves didn't have

to book the himmelmans

nonstop to Boca during easter.

"Einstein knew arithmetic, Pavarotti

knows singing, and I know pants."

North was positive

he was having a coronary.

"Do you know who I am?

As a rule, 11-year-olds

don't experience

cardiac events.

"Let me remind you who I am.

But for north, this was

a very stressful time.

"I'm number 6!"

North was having a difficult

time with his folks,

and it was putting a damper

on what was

in all other respects

a very successful life.

How successful?

Look at the year he'd had.

Photosynthesis...

the process by which

carbohydrates are formed

in the chlorophyll

containing tissues of plants

exposed to sunlight.

If I were a rich man

diguh diguh diguh diguh

diguh diguh diguh diguh dum

all day long

I'd biddy biddy bum

if I were a wealthy man

hey!

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

An outstanding year

by anyone's standards.

But did north's folks

appreciate how special he was?

Hardly.

"I was inspecting pants before

you even started wearing them,

Mr. Vice president-only

because-your-father owns-the-company."

God forbid the himmelmans

should stop over in Atlanta.

"I've forgotten more about

belt loops than you'll know.

See this rash? Himmelman.

There's no ointment for this.

"Let me remind you

who you're talking to...

"only this year's recipient

of the coveted

Mr. Inseam award."

Well, that shut him up.

Dad... You know what that

stupid Rachel did to me?

I saw blood in my stool

this morning.

Aah!

Are you o.K.?

What's the matter, son?

Here, loosen his pants.

No, no, I'm o.K.

I'm all right.

I'm all right.

I'm o.K.

But north wasn't o.K.

This parent thing

was starting to affect

every aspect of his life.

It's turning into the wind.

What sense does that make?

It's not... uh...

Maybe it's showing us

where the wind was.

What are we supposed to do

with that information?

To be...

Or not to...

line?

Be.

Oh.

Be.

Ball 4.

That's six in a row.

Time out.

How ya doin'?

I don't get it.

A child is born,

he's given a life,

but then...

He's appreciated by everyone

except the folks

who gave him that life.

It's just not right.

Uh, let me rephrase

the question.

How's the arm?

Mr. Blankman,

I've got some problems

I have to work out.

Problems? You?

North?

So while everyone speculated

as to what could

possibly be bothering

last season's

most valuable player,

north left the field

and headed straight

for his secret spot.

Yes, north had a secret spot.

You know the kind of spot

I'm talking about...

a place that's just

ordinary to everyone else

but for some reason

is special only to you.

No matter where it is,

it's the spot where you can go

and feel away from everyone

and everything,

the spot where you can go

and do your best thinking.

The one place where you can go

to reflect upon what was,

mull over what is,

or just sit back,

close your eyes,

and change the world

into whatever

you wish it could be.

It's my guess even north

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Alan Zweibel

Alan Zweibel (born May 20, 1950) is an American producer and writer who has worked on such productions as Saturday Night Live, PBS' Great Performances, and It's Garry Shandling's Show. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"North" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 13 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/north_14939>.

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