Newlyweds

---

I really think that what you two

are doing... I just think it's fantastic.

You both, you know, been

through this before,

So you know the crap that

you have to deal with when you see

The same person

every single day.

No, it's absolutely the

perfect setup for us,

Because, you know,

we're both very busy...

yeah.

I work days, she works nights...

so essentially, we only get to see

each other on the weekends...

and I get to watch my nick games

without any interruptions...

yeah, I get up at noon,

I have my coffee in peace,

I don't talk to anyone...

we all know how much

I love the mornings.

So, the real upside to

this you never actually...

have to see each other.

That's exactly right.

Therefore never get on

one anothers' nerves.

Hmm!

I will say, absence really does

make the heart grow fonder.

And makes for much hotter sex,

I might add.

No, David, the details!

It's true.

You don't what to hear

about last night, Marsha?

- Tell us.

- It's pretty nice...

How's your forehead?

... like, baby?

Oh. It's a little tender,

a little bruised.

Your sort of like

"legally bound f*** buddies", is that it?

No, no! Listen we...

we just are both on

our second marriages,

And we're trying to be like,

a little more realistic

This time around,

what we need...

or what we don't need.

Like I am fully aware

That I have since received my last

blowj*b and Im okay with it.

Stop. That's enough already!

Please, this is supposed

to have a nice lunch!

You know what Laverne

says though.

- What?

- The best laid plans of mice and men,

Often go astray.

I have no idea what

that means.

Can you translate, please?

No... I think he might be

saying that eventually you will

Want a blowj*b

and your needs downplayed.

We're the first to admit

that we're hardly like...

a perfect match.

But we see one another infrequently

enough that I think, um

We can go the distance here,

huh Bev?

He's kidding, he's kidding.

- Oh my god.

- Of course. We are very much in love!

We're just... we're being a

little more sensible, somehow.

Oh, that... you know their

whole relationship upsets me.

I mean that my sister and I

We were brought up in a very strict,

catholic household.

And... we were taught

to believe that...

Marriage is... is... sacred!

And to be respectful of that.

And... I don't know...

talking about oral sex

over brunch...

is not being respectful.

I heard that if you

do not wake up at least

One morning a week, and look

at your partner and think:

"I have made a terrible mistake".

Then there's actually

something wrong.

With your marriage.

Yeah well, Marsha feels

that way every morning.

So what is that

is normal for you?

Okay, listen... look,

this whole conversation is very,

Very upsetting to me.

No... it is.

Marriage is something

that's very special.

Oh Marsha. It is.

It's a sacrament, it is!

You should get

married because...

you want to share

your life together!

You know, not because

she gives good head.

I think you missed

the point I was making.

Um... she doesn't give good head.

In fact she doesn't give head at all!

Enough!

The problem with

your argument is that

We didn't actually

get married because...

it was so special...

and it was a sacrament...

and we were so in love.

That's why I got married!

I mean after 18 years together

And you didn't ever feel some

other motivating factor?

- You've been married 18 years?

- Wow. Sounds awesome!

I know. I'm just saying... that...

okay.

- When I proposed were in love.

Great. But... - Yeah?

Okay...

when I was picturing my life...

you know,

mapping it out in front of me...

I thought, you know "maybe"...

just "maybe"

That I could be a bit of

a music career for me.

What musical career?

Come on.

I do not know "what musical

career," that's my whole point.

That's my fault, you didn't

have a music career.

I'm just saying if you

hadn't of got pregnant,

We wouldn't have got married

right away, would we?

I'm just not understanding

what your saying.

It's sounding like your

regretting getting married to me.

I'm not regretting anything!

I'm just saying

Let's not pretend that it was this

beautiful lovey thing...

when we have practicalities

to deal with.

We didn't get married,

then, who knows?

We would have got

to know each other,

And started a career maybe...

right, and then you never

would have married me.

Yeah, I hear you.

No I hear what you say.

Look!

You've been married for 18 years!

You know,

you got that terrific kid,

He's in a great school...

I would say like...

I don't know... if it...

if it ended today

You could probably call

it a success, right?

Look, I didn't mean to put

a damper on the brunch

But quite honestly, you know...

they're miserable.

I mean, maybe what I should have

done was just... been honest.

No, actually that would

have made things worse...

because then I would have said:

"Look, you two hate one another,

just get a divorce already,"

And then... I don't have to go to

these miserable lunches anymore.

I don't know why we don't

do that more often.

You know, so much fun.

Once a week just isn't enough.

Oh! I know! Can you believe he

said that, about their marriage?

In front of us?

I know. Even if you feel that way...

you should try to keep

that sh*t to yourself.

Truly! I don't like

your blowj*b comment.

Just for the record, I would give you

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes