Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

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1

Okay. Oh, you know it.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- There we go.

- That's it.

- That's good.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- I'm okay.

- Ah!

- Shh.

Do you want me to put a

pillow over your mouth?

You gonna choke me or something?

What?

Is it like a new sexy thing?

No, so Stella won't wake up.

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

I'll just be quiet.

Okay.

Shh.

I'm sorry.

I'm having a hard time.

I'm a vocal lover.

Oh.

What was that?

Nothing.

Just looked like you might throw up.

I'm fine.

You're sure?

No, I'm fine.

Is it me? Are you

nauseated by me?

Come on.

Baby, you're my bear.

You look awfully nauseous.

I'm fine.

Did you eat a crab salad again?

You did, didn't you? No.

Oh, no.

Okay.

That's fine.

Stop. Just stop.

Sorry, it's...

You're so sexy though.

Thanks, baby.

You're sure you're okay?

Honey, I'm completely

and totally...

Sorry.

Baby, I think

I might be pregnant.

That's great!

Sweetie, that's fantastic!

Ugh.

Sorry.

Why don't we...

ls it weird that I came?

They're gonna be

here in five minutes.

I gotta poo!

You already pooed.

I need to poo twice sometimes!

When I'm nervous I poo twice!

You're gonna have to poo later!

F***! Fine!

Stella, how do you keep finding

Mommy's dildo?

Just put it away, okay?

When did she start saying

"no" all the time?

I don't know. Hide

your unmentionables.

Hide your bongs!

What's that smell?

It's bong water.

Hey! Welcome home.

Hi!

Yeah, come in.

If you decide to buy

the house, that is.

They might.

They like it.

Yes. Great.

Well, yeah, so...

Sorry. I know it's annoying

to keep on dropping in.

No. Not annoying at all.

Not annoying at all.

What's annoying about this?

So guys.

Here's the thing.

We'll take it!

On...

Oh, that was totally...

All right.

That was scary.

We love suspense.

Oh, boy. Look.

Guess your daughter

found your vibrator.

Stella.

She just keeps finding it.

I don't know what's going on.

Stels, put that away.

No.

Stels! She just

learned that word.

Don't even worry. I think I have

that same one at home, right?

But ours is in black.

Black cock.

- Yeah. Uh-huh.

- Dude.

Maybe we should sign some stuff.

Why don't we.

Yep. I think

we should do that.

We sold our house!

We sold our house!

We did it!

Whoo!

Don't get too psyched because

you haven't sold it yet.

You're in escrow.

What's that bullshit? Were

you trying to f*** us over?

What the f*** are

you talking about?

I asked you months

ago if you understood

what escrow was,

and you said yes.

Just say it one more time.

Maybe say it one more time.

You know, just

refresh our memories.

Okay. Very simple.

Escrow is a 30-day period wherein

the buyer of the new house

gets to do

inspections and whatnot.

And assuming

everything goes well

and nothing changes with the living

situation to spook them or something,

you close. Okay?

So wait. Do we

have escrows on

the other house we just

bought in the suburbs?

No. You have no

escrow on that house.

Why the f*** not?

Because that house

had multiple offers.

And you screamed at me,

"Do whatever you have to

do to get that house."

Yeah, I remember that.

So, I did it. So you

have no escrow there.

And then I asked

you three times,

"Do you understand

what escrow is?"

And once again

you just nodded.

Just like you are right now.

This is how the real

estate crisis happened.

Buyers can pop by

at any time, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

So, your 30 days "do not

f*** up" clock starts now.

Could you just watch

your language, please?

She's holding a dildo.

That's not a dildo.

That is a...

Toy.

From a cartoon.

Mmm-hmm. Japanese,

anime cartoon.

Well, I watch that cartoon

every night.

Ah, Jesus Christ,

man, we're getting old.

Why do you say that?

Because our friends are dying.

Who's dying?

Do you remember Joe Waterston?

Yeah.

Dead.

Really?

Yeah. Had this little weird

mole on his shoulder.

Was driving to get it checked

out, hit by a bus. Dead.

Are you okay, man?

No, I'm not okay, man.

I'm freaking out about

Paula having a baby.

I don't think I can do it.

Dude, you're gonna be a good parent.

Don't worry.

No, I'm not.

I don't know anything.

Do you know you

can't leave a baby alone?

If you're at home

and you want the baby to stay while

you go see a movie? Unacceptable.

That I do know.

You knew that?

I did know that.

How the f*** are

you gonna have two?

I don't even understand

how that physically works.

I'm actually not that worried.

I'm a good father

to one daughter.

I think I'll be a good father

to two daughters.

Come on.

What?

You're not a good father.

F*** you. I'm

a good parent. Okay?

Okay, okay, okay.

Yeah.

Well, tell yourself that,

because before you know it,

Stella is gonna be

a tween who hates you,

and it's gonna be your fault because

you let her play with Kelly's dildo.

Because you're a bad parent.

Me and Kelly are good parents.

Don't take your

sh*t out on me, okay?

All I'm saying, thank

God, I'm having a boy.

'Cause girls are f***in' hard.

What are you talking about?

Man, it's just easier

with boys, you know?

Like, when a boy

gets laid, it's awesome.

When a girl gets laid, it's bad.

That's not true.

You want your

daughter to have sex?

You're gonna be like,

"Hey, Jimmy, good news.

"Stella just got f***ed.

"Come on over

let's have some beers."

Yay!

Yay!

Welcome to Phi Lambda!

Yay!

This is such an exciting year.

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