Neds

1

'Second, Primary 6.

Holly Martin.'

'First, Primary 6, Sean Cairns.'

'Primary 7. Second, John McGill.'

So proud of you, son!

And first place, Primary 7,

Rebecca Bailey.

Oh, Headmaster? Could we have

a photo with you, please?

- Oh, thanks a lot.

- Thank you.

All right, everyone look at me.

And everyone say, "To success."

To success!

That your book, aye?

Is it, aye?

Is that cos you're a clever cunt?

Or you think you're a fucking clever cunt.

- Where are you from?

- Carden.

Fucking poofs.

I hate every one of them.

Going to big school after the summer?

That's my fucking school...

- Good luck, McGill.

- Are you fucking listening to me?

Do you know who I am?

Do you know, no?

I'm Canta from Hardridge and I like

battering swotty cunts like you!

When you're in my school,

you'll get your cunt kicked in.

Every single day. First day,

I'm gonna break your legs.

Fucking demolish you.

Rip your head off.

I swear to God you're dead, wee man.

First day, you're fucking dead!

Your mum was saying

you wanna be a journalist.

We have the best journalists

in America.

They're not afraid to investigate

anything to get to the truth.

And they love the Scots.

They love us cos we tell it like it is.

And we don't bow down to anybody.

Your dreams are gonna come true,

you know.

Anything you want.

Just work hard.

- The body of Christ.

- Amen.

- The body of Christ.

- Amen.

- The body of Christ.

- Amen.

- The body of Christ.

- Amen.

- The body of Christ.

- Amen.

'For months now,

I've been living on a desert island.

'And my solitude, far from diminishing,

grows from day to day...'

What have you got this fire on for,

John?

I can't be doing with this.

You know we can't afford that.

And why have you got

the curtains closed, eh?

What are you doing

sitting here in the dark?

- Excuse me.

- What is it, pal?

- Do you know Benny McGill'?

- Benny McGill'?

Come here a minute, pal.

Come here.

Stand there.

- Who are you?

- I'm his wee brother.

Are you?

- No, you're not.

- I am.

Benny McGill's wee brother

is a smart wee cunt.

How do you no know

I'm not on my way

to go stab f*ck out of him right now?

And how do you know

I wouldn't take it out on you?

See that there?

That's a fucking blade.

Know what that's used for? For gutting

daft wee boys like you, you wee cunt!

Luckily for you, I'm a good guy.

Me and Benny are good pals.

I'm Fergie, all right?

You're all right with me, wee man.

Don't fucking start greeting on me.

Come here.

You want to go find your brother?

- Yeah.

- He's fucking hanging down about there.

We'll go look for him.

Never seen a bread knife before.

What you like, you wee cunt?

Hurry up, wee man.

Any of youse two seen Benny?

You just missed him.

He's in town with Minty.

- Sorry, you've missed him.

- Can I leave a message for him?

Tell there's a boy gonna do me in

the day I go back to school.

- What's his name?

- Canta.

Canta? Youse two heard

of a cunt called Canta?

No, never heard of him.

He's trying to wind you up.

Don't take any fucking notice of him.

Can you tell Benny, please?

Wee man, I've been smoking dope

since age of 11.

How the f*ck am I gonna

remember that?

- Have you not got a pen?

- Do I look like a cunt with a fucking pen?

- Any of youse two got a pen?

- I've got an eyeliner pencil.

- Gonna give us it, then?

- F*ck off, that cost a fortune.

F*ck's sake!

Fucking knife is mightier than the pen.

All right. With a 'K' or a 'C'?

Er...don't know.

F*ck it, we'll do it with a 'K'.

That's got straight lines in it.

Here we go.

- 'A',

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