National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze

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Hey, Pete!

Hey, hold this.

I bought some sausage

to go with crackers

for Adrienne and me

because we made out last night.

Think she likes crackers?

I can't right now.

I gotta go. I'm in a hurry.

I bought French sausage

because I believe Adrienne's family

is of French descent.

Interesting. Look, I gotta go.

There should be plenty

if you want some later.

- Okay. Good luck.

- See you.

- You all right? Go!

- Wish me luck!

Last final.

Aced it, baby. Aced it!

Party time!

It all starts now.

Hey, I'm trying to study.

Booker, you finished

your last final yesterday.

I'm getting a head start

on next semester.

Wrong kind of head, little brother,

because today, you become a man.

No longer--get up--will you

look at yourself and see a little boy.

No longer will you cry in the shower

knowing no matter how hard you scrub,

you cannot rid yourself

of that most heinous of afflictions.

- Virginity!

- I don't cry in the shower.

Settle down.

This is all a very complicated process,

so pay attention.

Chicks won't have sex with a guy unless

the guy's bagged at least four other chicks.

Girls are shallow and want

a guy with experience--like me.

How am I supposed

to have sex with a girl

if girls won't have sex with a guy

who hasn't had sex?

The same way all men have been

doing it for thousands of years.

- The on-ramp to manhood--whores.

- I'm not going to a hooker!

- Don't you wanna be cool like me?

- You're not cool.

- Yes, I am.

- I'm not going to a hooker.

Look, I figured you'd try

and pussy out like this,

being the pussy that you are,

you pussy!

So I've already called an escort service,

your whore's on the way,

and I told everyone, so they're all gonna

think you're a homo if you don't do her.

I'm not giving

my special gift to a hooker.

I'm in love with Rachel.

You're a fag!

Forget that prude.

And that's for calling virginity

your special gift.

If you must call it something,

call it your horrible shame,

because that's what it is,

loser ass.

Did you really tell everyone

you got me a hooker?

Yes.

Now, you're gonna have sex with

this whore, and you're gonna like it.

Merry Christmas.

Did you hear?

Styles got Booker a prostitute.

- No way.

- Yes, way! He told me himself.

Pete, you've gotta hear this.

- I gotta meet someone at the station.

- Friend from out of town?

We're carpooling home for break.

- What's with the Christmas tree?

- Foosball bought it.

We're not supposed to have

Christmas trees--it's a fire hazard.

But the R.A. went home,

so who cares?

Whatever. See ya.

No, I can't come down.

I'm waiting for someone here!

No, I can't!

Adrienne, did you hear

about the prostitute?

Yeah, Styles told me.

It's disgusting. I don't even think

we should let her in the house.

- I agree.

- Tony, did you hear?

Yes, I heard about the prostitute,

and, no, I don't care.

- But prostitution--

- You know what?

You two need to stay out

of other people's shit.

You need to get a life.

He's such an asshole.

I don't know why Claire's with him.

Yeah, what an asshole.

- Don't you think Tony's an asshole?

- Yeah.

- What's your problem?

- I kinda made out with Newmar last night.

I'm trying to avoid him.

I don't even need to tell you

how pathetic that is.

Maybe he'll forget about it

over Christmas.

- I doubt it. He's Jewish.

- How long are you here?

My last final's on Saturday.

I can't leave until then.

Come on, Lynne.

Let's go yell at Styles.

No prostitute is coming into this dorm

if I have anything to say about it.

- Hey, Adrienne.

- Gerri, how was the spelunking trip?

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