National Lampoon Presents: Surf Party
- Year:
- 2013
- 33 Views
As you go forth
on your journey, and lead us
into the next century,
I know that you're going out
into this world and will give
one hundred and ten percent.
You are the best
and you are the brightest.
future leaders of this country.
Writers, senators,
and scientists.
Humanitarians and
heads of industry.
A lot of years have
passed since that graduation.
And coming out of continuation
school, I had no clue what we
were gonna do with our lives.
But I knew for sure that none
of us were gonna become senators
or scientists.
Just ain't gonna happen.
Sparky was a wild one,
man. The beauty of Sparky
was that you never knew
where he was comin from.
Who took a dump in my mouth?
Sparky would rip
off a line of "f*** you's"
better than
anybody I ever heard.
I'm gonna castrate you
and f*** your mother in the
f***ing ass with your own
f***ing dick. F*** you!
Sh*t. Lardo? He was everything
you could've asked for in
a friend. He was funny, he was
charming, had a way with words...
Dude, sh*t happens.
Did pretty good with the chicks
and always seemed to make
light of a serious situation.
My fellow Americans, I'm
pleased to tell you today that
I've signed legislation that
will outlaw Russia forever.
We begin bombing
in five minutes.
Together, we were one.
I mean, we had it all.
At least I thought we did.
And every summer, we'd
get a visit from Iris.
Iris!
Anne wants to know when
are you coming to The Hut.
There's coffee in the kitchen.
And then there was Anne.
Johnny boy, why is the
door closed with a girl inside?
Give me five minutes, Mom.
I'm having sex!
Johnny, stop that, now! Bad boy!
What will the neighbours
think - girl in your
room and the door closed?
They'll think I'm getting laid!
Like we always said, a little
bit of booty never hurt nobody.
Growing up as a kid
on the beach was a blast.
I mean, everybody
knew everybody.
The surf was always good,
and every night was a party.
JD! What's up man?
Hey, Skinner!
What's happening, dude?
Somebody's parents were always
gone for the weekend, and if
that didn't happen, we'd take
it to the Shelburn House.
But what went down
over the next 24 hours is
something I will never forget.
So check this out.
Every kid has someone
they look up to, right?
Whether it's a baseball
player, a rock star,
or drives a race car - a hero.
Well it just so happened that
my hero, he lived right down
the street. And this guy had
the ability to make you feel
like you were walking on water.
What's up?
Hey.
Twenty, twenty-five,
forty-five,
fifty bucks. One more
payment and it's mine.
Hi!
Hello!
Morning.
Hi, hello!
Hi, hello! Sorry it's so
early, but, um, this may be
a little bit embarrassing,
but we're lost.
Would you happen to know were
I do.
Oh, great.
Oh good.
That's wonderful.
Excuse me.
Yeah, okay. Oh, thanks.
Yuppies!
You know what?
Day after graduation,
summer's callin;
I'm gonna give you your board.
Just pay me when
you got the cash.
Here's your board.
This is um, you know,
it's your board. I mean,
I made it for you, so you
take care of the board and
she'll take care of you.
Now go on.
Make me proud.
Hey Mooney.
Wanna come?
No, I gotta work.
Two, q, a, n.
Five, seven, four.
Hey, JD!
How's it goin?
Hey, Del.
Surfing, huh?
Yeah, I was.
Q, a, n.
Hey, I found this seaweed
with these shells.
It's sparkling, see?
Oh yeah?
And this.
Sea glass.
Q, a, n.
I'm not really in the mood
for a nature study right now.
Q, a, n.
Five, seven, four.
Five, seven...
Oh sh*t.
F***!
Nice!
Wake up,
Venture! Whoo! Ha-ha!
Watch your
f***ing driving, a**hole!
You stupid blind f***er!
What the f***, man?
'Sup, man? What are you
gonna do, huh? C'mon!
Get the f*** back in your car
and drive back to your stupid
valley and stay outta my city!
F***ing Venture surfers!
Yeah, you say that, and then
you drive off, you p*ssy!
F***in Souther!
What's up, JD?
Que pasa, JD!
I lost my board, man!
Maybe someone took it.
Took it? No one takes
surfboards around here, Amigo!
Hey, Harry.
Hey, JD!
Where's your board?
Gone? I don't know.
Maybe someone stole it.
Stole your board?
Uh-huh.
Mother-f***er!
Mh-mm.
Beer! I don't spend
every day working my ass
off at the DMV so you
can buy beer, old man!
I didn't buy it!
JD gave me one.
What?
J, did you give him beer?
No.
Where's your board?
Rise and shine, ladies!
C'mon, get up.
Why are
you doing this to me?
You know, in some
countries, this is considered torture?
Listen up!
JD lost his board!
So?
Well, so you guys should
go help him find it!
He lost the Mooney?
Yeah, the Mooney!
That sh*t didn't happen!
It happened!
Seriously, you guys should
go help him find it!
He should help me find the bong!
Oh, God!
Where is it?
Dude, why?
I don't know.
I mean how does something
like this happen?
Dude, I have no idea.
Mooney's gonna kill me.
I mean, it's
just kinda incredible that
your board would just be gone.
I know.
Hey, what's goin on, guys?
Sparks!
Punk!
Hey, Bro!
Where's your board, man?
Dude, my board got pilfered!
Dude, don't flip out, alright?
I can't f***ing
believe this sh*t!
I'm gonna f***ing
kill all of 'em!
I mean, they just come,
and they just take our f***ing
boards like it's nothing? These
are our boards, our property.
F*** them! F*** off...
Alright, I'm here.
Where's the fire?
Thank you. Okay, um,
can you fold these please,
and then put them
outside when you're done?
Only because I need
you in my life.
Love you.
So how's things?
Oh, you know.
Same old together one day,
broken up the next.
Back together again.
On again, off again.
Sex one day, no sex the next.
It's nice to know we
have the same problems.
...their f***ing beating
show it to 'em. Gonna...
Yeah, I...
uh Anne?
I'm not f***ing around!
Yeah?
That boy's not
good for business.
They just f***ed with Sparky,
and Sparky's gonna f*** 'em up!
That's just Sparky.
He breaks it, he buys it!
All day!
Pretend this little f***in totem
poll's their f***ing face!
Whoa.
Hey, JD, um...
Um, where's your board?
It's gone!
Hey, JD.
Hey, Iris.
How's your mom?
She's in Vegas with
her new boyfriend.
Hey, did you look up
and down the beach?
Of course.
Ah, please. Come on!
Well, wait. Maybe the
tide took it out, Dude.
How many times a
year do I go out?
A lot.
And how many times
have I lost my board?
A lot.
Yeah, and how many times
have I swum in to get it?
As many times as you lost it.
Right. And how many times was
it right there waiting for me?
Yeah.
Every time.
Exactly, Dude. Every time,
except this f***ing time.
Whoa! Did anyone hear
about Reagan bombing Russia?
What?
Reagan.
Reagan's bombing Russia.
I heard it on the
radio this morning.
Shhhh. You're that
stoned that Reagan is talking to
you personally through a radio?
No, no.
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