Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List

1

Woman:
Some friendships

are so important,

You'd do anything

to make them last.

That's why Ely and I created

the no-kiss list.

What exactly is a no-kiss list,

you ask?

Well, hold on a second.

I'll get there.

Muggies, late for school.

- No.

- No.

- Switch.

- Yeah, switch.

Mm, much better.

Oh, by the way, student revolt,

classes cancelled.

- That sucks. Oh, well.

- So funny, Pinocchio.

Any more,

you're gonna need a nose job.

Woman:
One thing

you should know about me...

18 years of apartment living,

and you still believe pressing

- The down button speeds up the elevator's arrival.

- Implicitly.

...I lie all the time.

Good morning, Mrs. Loy.

I lied to Mrs. Loy

that I walked her dog

Three times a day when she went

to Atlantic city.

But honestly,

I think that dog hates me.

- Close it. Close it.

- Close it!

Good morning,

Mr. Mcallister.

Bam.

Let's do this.

I like it.

Love it.

Hello.

I lie to myself

that it's meaningless

When I don't tell Ely

that Gabriel,

The beautiful new doorman,

may occasionally text me.

- Hey, how's it going?

- And I lied to Bruce the first

When I let him let him he ever

had a shot at being my first.

I hope the day

continues to be good.

If it hasn't been good

then I hope it changes...

All right.

Step aside, kids.

- Bye, boys. Bye!

- Have a great day.

Well, that was fun.

Thank you.

Thank you.

- We're going this way.

- Oh, take me away!

Man:

Fraulein, have you ever noticed

That Gabriel's left eye

is greener than his right?

Ely, you insult me.

What are you taking me for,

some sort of amateur doorman stalker?

That's only the 37th thing

I love most about him.

Oh, my god, Naomi, remind me to

introduce you to this guy.

Freshman film freak,

goes by the name of, uh,

Bruce the second.

- He's your boyfriend.

- Oh. Right. Him,

But Gabriel's

just so gaze-worthy.

Okay. Clearly, Gabriel belongs

on the no-kiss list.

Fast, fast,

don't get hit by a moped.

- All right, keep up.

- You check the news. I'll stock up on snacks.

Why discriminate?

You know what I mean?

The no-kiss list is meant

for all truly,

Madly kissable boys,

like Robert Pattison.

It hurts knowing that person's

lips will never touch yours

Because of our ever-so-sacred

vow of no-kissing lists.

- Bye!

- Bye!

This is a new song, Otis?

Sure is, sweet baby.

Oh, I love it.

Let me tell you, baby,

what it is I'm looking for

There you go, baby.

Ain't more than a little bit

So if you got it, baby,

I'll adore you...

I'll walk you to class if we

can take the scenic route.

And I lied to Ely

that I'm okay with gay.

Ely:
Do you see

that one on the left?

Naomi:
I am.

Just... Not for him.

- Do I have to?

- Yes.

Naomi, it's not high school

anymore, okay?

Have you seen the wreckage

of our lives, lately.

Seems psych might

be good for the soul.

Go in there.

Show 'em who's boss.

It's 110% you.

- You're beautiful. I love you.

- Come with me.

No. I can't. You got this.

It's all on you.

- Go. Go. Go. Git!

- Oh! No!

I don't wanna go!

- Hug me.

- No. No. No. Back.

Come.

Oh, I lied to the NYU

admissions committee

When I told them I had

a vision for my future.

Six weeks in,

and I can barely see straight.

Naomi, over here!

I saved you a seat.

Thanks, robin.

Woman:
Good morning,

ladies and gentlemen.

We will be re-examining

chapter five in our textbook...

Oh, crap.

Ely always gives me a pen.

Thank you.

Access chapter five, page...

Naomi:

You wanna know why I lie

And what exactly ely meant

by the wreckage of our lives?

There's ely,

already making me feel better.

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