My Dead Boyfriend
- R
- Year:
- 2016
- 90 min
- 43 Views
Oh. Hi, Mary.
You okay?
Rough day, huh?
Look, if it... if it helps,
uh, you look really hot.
Who can turn the world on
with her smile
Who can take
a nothing day
And suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile
Well it's you girl
And you should know it
With each glance and every
little movement you show it
Love is all around
no need to fake it
You can have the town
why don't you take it
You're gonna make it
after all
How will you
make it on your own
Girl this time
You are all alone
But it's time
you started living
It's time you let someone
else do some giving
Love is all around
no need to fake it
You can have the town
why don't you take it
You're gonna make it
after all
You're gonna
make it af...
How'd the job search go today?
I only ask you because
I have some wonderful news.
in that search myself tomorrow.
Hey, how old is
this vermicelli, Primo?
You know, you really
should've come with me
to that hot Vinyasa Yoga class
this morning,
because that scary
teacher was back.
I am convinced
that she sat in her car
for 15 minutes
prior to the class,
holding a gun in her mouth,
trying to get up the nerve
to pull the trigger.
And then I think she thought:
F*** it,
I'll wait till after lunch.
And then she chain-smoked
three cigarettes
and came in to teach us yoga
in the most monotone,
unenthused voice
you can imagine.
I could tell she couldn't wait
for the class to be over,
"When this is over,
I'm getting
and then I'm gonna taste
that gun again."
Sweated over a hot microwave
for two and a half minutes.
Ah...
Ugh.
Hmm.
That's disgusting.
Primo?
So this was your husband?
No, my... I mean,
he was just a boyfriend.
Uh, can I, um-
Careful,
those things are killers.
They're probably
what killed him.
So you lived together?
No. I mean, yes.
He lived here with me and his
dog, but just for six months.
to stick around till New Year's,
'cause that's a hard one
to be alone.
Mm-hmm. I hear that.
I mean, he caught me
on the rebound
and it never really
went anywhere.
He couldn't get it together.
I had bigger expectations,
of course,
past the first stage.
I liked him, but he was more
of a temp boyfriend.
You probably don't need
to know all this.
No, uh, a temp boyfriend?
Go on.
Well...
it's like I was between gigs.
Yeah, I've been there.
Right?
And you were at work
when the victim died?
Yeah, well,
I don't work there anymore.
I was fired today
for being "late."
Wow. You are having a bad day.
Right?
And, uh, what job was that?
I was a temp.
Mm-hmm.
Officer Parker?
Were there any
yoga-teacher shootings today?
Uh, not that I'm aware.
Shoot!
Oh, hey, Paul.
Thanks, Parker.
Medical examiner.
Officer Parker.
Sorry, I just want to be sure
this is the dead Caucasian
you're talking about.
You know, right here, right
in this general, uh, vicinity?
Take it easy, Paul.
No, you take it easy, Parker!
How many times
do I have to tell you,
I do not need you to tell me
where the dead body is
when we're in an apartment
the size of my bathroom!
Hey!
Officer Brady?
Yeah?
You want me to get you
a soda, anything?
No, thanks. I'm cool.
Huh. Okay.
Then get the f*** away
from the dead body!
Miss?
Miss...
McCrawley, Mary.
McCrawley, Mary.
Was the deceased sick in anyway?
Nope.
On medication?
Not that I knew of.
Do you dress him?
Not today.
His shirt's on inside out.
Mm. He was probably
trying on a new style.
He had a lot of time
on his hands.
When was the last time you had
relations with the deceased?
He wasn't deceased
the last time we had relations.
Primo, that's your name?
And that's all you do?
You write poetry?
Mm-hmm.
That's great.
So, what,
do you have last name, Primo?
Or is that like a
one-name-poet kinda thing?
Schultz?
German-Jewish.
Mm-mm.
German-German.
Mm-hmm.
Jewish-Jewish.
Sorry. My mother
would drive her car
off the George Washington Bridge
if I brought home a German.
Seriously, I'm not kidding.
But it was very nice
to meet you.
Mare! Here.
Oh, my God.
What?
Greg's here.
Who's Greg?
And he brought that little
f***in' whore, too.
I don't remember a Greg.
Yeah, you do.
Lazy eye, big dick?
Oh, Greg.
That Greg, yeah.
Is he looking over this way?
How can you tell?
Alright, I have to go talk to him.
Zoe.
Mm. I just want to talk
to him, okay? Alright?
Oh, and kinda cute German poet
right behind me.
Come on, you need
to meet him. Come on.
Hey, Primo, honey.
Primo. Achtung.
And that's how
I met Primo Schultz.
A man who should've disappear
into the forgotten wastelands
of "Thanks for the drinks,
here's my fake phone number."
A man who drank grasshoppers,
which, if I recall
from my short stint
working at the old folks' home,
is pretty much the combination
of Crme de menthe
and half-and-half.
And a man who,
if I had had the time
and ability to meet them
all that night,
- would've come in seventeenth.
- Hey, babe.
And yet, in the course
of that first evening,
the seventeenth man's
tortured-poet routine
and his world-weary
artist shtick
somehow seemed to turn
from just plain unattractive
to an oddly interesting,
seen-it-all, done-it-all charm.
There was a distinct success
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"My Dead Boyfriend" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/my_dead_boyfriend_14320>.
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