My Baby's Daddy

Now, Peter Piper

picked peppers

But Run rocked rhymes

Humpty Dumpty fell down

That's his hard time

Jack Be Nimble was nimble,

and he was quick

But Jam Master cut faster,

Jack's on Jay's dick

Now, Little Bo Peep

cold lost her sheep

And Rip Van Winkle

fell the hell asleep

And Alice chillin' somewhere

in Wonderland

Jack's servin' Jill,

bucket in his hand

And Jam Master Jay's

making out our sound

The turntables might wobble

but they don't fall down

For as long as I can remember,

the three of us

have always been best friends.

Even when we were babies,

me, Lonnie, and Dom shared

the same crib.

Dr. Seuss and Mother Goose

both did their thing

But Jam Master's gettin'

loose and D.M. C. 's the king

We were tight, like brothers.

But we all had our own dreams.

G, let me down.

Lonnie dreamed of two things.

Mmm.

First was that Rolonda loved

him as much as he loved her.

Huh?

But all she loved

was his money.

He also wanted to be

a big inventor.

My boy Dom.

He just loved the music.

As for me, well, I was built

to be a professional athlete.

Yeah, I was gonna be

the best bo xer

to come out of South Philly

since Rocky.

I was gonna be

the Black Stallion!

Dag, this burns!

Oxygen.

$2 Tuesday was karate night.

Hyah!

Sometimes my cousin Randall

would chill with us.

He had a thing

for candyjacking.

I want it chilly up in here!

You now on Cha Ching's

most-wanted list.

That's why we called him

"No Good. "

We went from boys to men

together.

And the three of us moved into

Lonnie's Uncle Virgil's house.

It was just temporary until

we could find a better place.

You have a ride home, XiXi?

Yes, Father.

Don't be late.

Yes, Father.

Give your father kiss.

Bye, Father.

Look. We can go

in Uncle Virgil's room.

He got one of them

orthopedic beds.

Guess who.

- Alvena?

- No.

Mm.

Hold up. Ooh.

Ooh! Rashida.

Oh, no, no.

This is Laquida.

Unh-unh-unh!

This is Tamika.

You got one more chance

to get it.

Or you won't be making it

to your next fight.

Hey, baby.

I knew it was you.

I was just having fun.

Sorry I'm late.

Had to get a ride

from my father.

Does your pops know

you came to see me?

Yes.

Come on, baby.

You know that's not cool.

Forget about my father.

I love you.

That's what matters.

Happy birthday to you

Hey, Lonnie!

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Lonnie

Happy birthday to you

Make a wish, Lon.

I wish Rolonda was here.

Ho-londa!

Get out the way!

- Big Swoll in the house.

- You got your wish.

Can I get her

for my birthday, too?

Happy birthday, boyfriend.

Rolonda.

Don't stop.

I was beginning to think

that you weren't gonna show.

You know Ro-Ro wouldn't miss

her Lonnie's birthday party.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

This right here is my cousin

Big Swoll.

He just got out

the penitentiary.

Hey, Big Swoll.

It's good to meet

a member of the family.

Yeah, I'm all right, Johnny.

Happy birthday, man.

You know, Rolonda,

I was thinking that...

Ooh! Cake.

That's what I want.

Some cake.

I haven't eaten

in two whole hours.

And for some reason,

I just can't stop eating.

Ooh.

There it is.

Nia.

You looked so busy

at work today.

I'm surprised to see you here.

The studio was

really busy today.

How could I miss

one of your famous parties?

Yeah, and you're wearing

that top that I love so much.

That's 'cause I want you

to take it off.

Just a second, baby.

Go, Daddy, go.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

That's cute.

Oh!

Mmm! Ooh!

I'm here now.

I'm here.

Oh.

You know, I...

I have these feelings.

I want to take care

of you, Rolonda.

And I was thinking we could get

our own place

and maybe get married someday.

Damn, Lonnie.

That's real sweet, baby.

N*gger ain't never said no sh*t

like that before.

So you think maybe we could...

Oh. 10:
30, boo.

You know what that mean.

What?

My show is on.

Hey, now, my show is on

Ooh, ooh, my show is on

Up next, "Compton 90221."

My show is on, too.

Compton 90221

We can't be cleaning up

like this.

We gotta hire ourselves a maid.

What are you complaining about?

I'm the one on my hands

and knees.

I thought that was

your favorite position.

Good morning, guys.

- Hey.

Hey.

What's wrong, man?

What's wrong, Lon?

I'm a year older, and I'm

still here with you two guys

at my Uncle Virgil's house.

You know what you sound like

right now, man?

Nah. What?

A b*tch.

Yeah.

Seriously, Lonnie.

You don't want to mess around

with a good thing.

I mean, take a look around you.

We got the tight bachelor pad.

We could do whatever we want.

I mean, this is it.

We made it, man.

Right there, dawg.

Mm!

Ta-dow!

You better clean this damn mess

up before you leave.

I know that.

Whip some ass up in here.

This is it?

Getting yelled at

like schoolchildren?

I mean, I thought I'd be

further along in my life by now.

You know, have my own family.

My own place.

One of these days

you guys are gonna grow up.

You 12 minutes late.

I dock paycheck.

Look, Cha Ching, I know we got

friction between us

on account that I took

that Kit Kat seven years ago.

And Bit-O-Honey. Milky Way.

Black licorice.

And case of Coors.

What's "ricorrish"?

Licorice.

Licorice!

Don't play language game

with me.

You now 14 minutes late.

Good talk.

Dang Ling, I can't understand

a damn word your daddy say.

Great first half, kids.

You missed five calls,

you four-eyed punk.

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