Miss Congeniality

Synopsis: Undercover FBI agent Gracie Hart shows no signs of having any femininity in her demeanor or appearance. Generally a bright and capable agent, she is in trouble at work when she makes an error in judgment in a case which results in a near disaster. As such, one of her by-the-books colleagues, Eric Matthews, who has never shown any inclination of thinking outside the box, is assigned to lead the high profile case of a terrorist coined The Citizen instead of her, while she is facing possible disciplinary action. Gracie pieces together the evidence to determine that The Citizen's next target will be the Miss United States beauty pageant. The pageant represents everything that Gracie abhors. Despite Gracie's mannish demeanor, Eric, with no other undercover female agent remotely fitting the demographic, assigns her to go undercover as a pageant contestant to see if she can flush out The Citizen, who is perhaps one of the other contestants. Although the pageant administration, led by former w
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Donald Petrie
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
  Nominated for 2 Golden Globes. Another 7 wins & 5 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
109 min

They're fighting again!

Oh, boy.

Don't! Wait! Not my homework!

No! Stop it! No!

Problem, gentlemen?.

Hey, dork-brain!

If you weren't a girl,

I'd beat your face off.

If you weren't a girl,

I'd beat your face off.

You're calling me a girl?.

You called me one!

You asked for it.

Now get out of here!

Forget those guys.

They're jealous because you're

smart and funny.

And girls like that.

What girls?.

Lots of girls.

I mean... I like you.

I don't like you. Now everybody

thinks I need a girl to fight for me.

You are a dork-brain.

My nose!


Moe and Larry in the house.

Grant, what have we got out back?.

All clear, sir.

Matthews, what do you got?.

Returnable cans, sir.

I'm up to 75 cents.

Hey, we got a cab.

Here comes Curly.

The Three Stooges.

Check it out, lvan's packing.

Thank you! We've got a briefcase.

Hart, waiting for visual confirmation.

No disc yet.

Suitcase is opening.

This woman's ass is in the way.

Hart, we can't see a damn thing.

We need to see the discs.

-This broad's got two asses!

-Do something!

Excuse me.

You wanting something else?.

Yeah. You know what?.

I really love this borscht.

Or, as they say in Russian:

We got the discs.

We're moving in!

Get down!

Keep your hands where I can see them!

No English.

Nobody moves until I see

some goddamn "Lazhitsa na pol"!

Sir, he's turning purple!

Hart, until we secure, you stay.

That is one really, really

purple Russian, sir!

He's still armed! Nobody moves!

Hands up! Back off!

No, sir. He's not gonna die.

He's not good enough for that.

His victims didn't get a chance

to choke on a peanut, did they, sir?.

Now you're going down.

Drop the guns or I'll kill her.

Ivan, out the back.

You're not killing anyone.

Party's over!

How's your head, my little piroshki?.

This is gonna put you away

for a long time.

Let's get that ambulance in here!

-Shut up!

-Stay with me!

-l' m sorry.

-Don't be sorry. You did a great job!

Nice work. See you back there.

Come on, Hart. The van's waiting.

I got Grant shot.

I shouldn't have moved.

Come on, you made a choice.

It was wrong, but that's it.

It's over.

By the way, you look like hell.

-Morning, Mrs. Schwartz. Schnatzie.

-Good morning, Gracie.


Yes, sir.

ET A, 20 minutes.

No problem. Breakdown?

Yes, sir. Negative.

Do not need assistance.

T en-four. Yes, sir, I know it's hot.

Hey, you cannot park--

It's an emergency. Official business.

Aside, please. Thank you.

Official business. Step aside.

Hey, get lost! I'm waiting here.

FBl. You might want

to stay out of this.

Excuse me.

Sir, ma'am, please back off.

All right. I need eight double-tall--

Eight double-tall lattes.

One with no foam.

Five decaf lattes with a long straw.

Four caramel macchiattos.

Double up on the cup.

Two blueberry scones

with the little granules on top...

...and one Starbucks compilation CD.

No! I would like....

What's going on?. Where's McDonald?.

Could we put out an APB

on my Frappuccino?.

It's in the bag. Did he say anything

about last night?.

Relax. Don't annoy him.

Don't say anything. Don't argue.

I don't argue. I never argue.

When do I argue?.

I might have a heated discussion

with somebody.

Is this you not arguing?.

Because you suck at it.

Morning, everybody.

Morning, sir. It's....


Okay, everybody.

I know you' re all concerned

about Grant's condition.

So l' m happy to report...

...Jerry's gonna be fine. He'll be

out of the hospital in two weeks.

He says he's expecting lots of gifts.

Okay, everybody.

So much for the good news. We got

another letter from the Citizen.

Rate this script:(5.00 / 1 vote)

Marc Lawrence

Marc Lawrence (born Max Goldsmith, February 17, 1910 – November 28, 2005) was an American character actor who specialized in underworld types. He has also been credited as F. A. Foss, Marc Laurence and Marc C. Lawrence. more…

All Marc Lawrence scripts | Marc Lawrence Scripts

FAVORITE (1 fan)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Miss Congeniality" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 20 May 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/miss_congeniality_13840>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Miss Congeniality

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.