Meet the Patels

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- Do you want me to hold this so you...

- No, that's fine...

But we both need to talk into it so

maybe, put it in the middle of us.

Wait, not with your headphones because

you're going to be yelling otherwise.

- Oh, right.

- You got your headphones on

and you got this

thing in your hand...

...and you're like,

"I'll hold this."

How do we, uh, how do we wanna do this?

Do you wanna... should I just...

Just, just start at the

beginning of the story.

Right, so...

So you know, when I think

about our extended family

- I always felt like growing up, I was the odd man out.

- Mmm-hmm.

But now I think it's all relative.

Like, you know, my entire life,

I got made fun of for having a big nose.

People called me Gonzo.

So I always thought this nose was

kind of my obstacle to greatness.

And then recently, I was

getting fitted for a hat

- as an actor.

- Mmm-hmm.

And the guy goes...

"You have an unusually small head."

After all these years, I find

out that my nose was perfect.

It was my head that was small!

Wait, how did...

See what I'm saying? So like,

you know, like, in

terms of the family

maybe I'm not the one

who's out of place,

maybe it was an analogy...

Rav, can you just get...

Start the story. So, start,

start it with the trip to India.

Right. So, story starts two years ago.

Here in LA,

I had just broken up with Audrey

and I was miserable.

We'd been together for two years

and I had never told

Mom and Dad about her,

in fact, they were freaking out

because you know, here I was,

almost thirty, never married,

which in our culture is like...

- Code red.

- Code red!

And to make things worse,

two weeks after this breakup,

I had to go on our annual

family trip to India.

My dear, when are you

going to get married?

You know, the later you

show up to a restaurant,

the more limited the menu.

My prince, you're killing us.

Zone two? No?

Do you want us to die

without the grandchildren?

You know, Champa, I don't even

think he wants to get married!

Don't do what Geeta did to us.

You and your sister can't

live together forever!

If he wanted to get married...

He would be married!

You know that girl

in Eat, Pray, Love,

you know, she goes

through a break-up,

goes on the existential

journey to India

to get over depression,

find out what she

really wanted in life?

I was that girl.

Except, my family was

with me the entire time.

The entire time.

- Let's go, Geeta!

- Geets, come on!

Ahhh!

Oh, you have to buy one now,

the guy's been working...

Four, five.

Hey!

I look too sexy for this.

And behind the camera

was you, sister.

Yeah.

Documentary filmmaker, but by

no means a cinematographer.

That's why for the

next hour and a half,

we will be treated to

footage that is out of focus,

poorly framed,

and often has a microphone in

the upper right hand corner.

We are having a great time with the family.

Next time, we are going to

come with the grandchildren.

Here's the thing. In

Mom and Dad's eyes,

I had never had a girlfriend

and I had no idea how

to get a girlfriend.

Right.

So in their mind, it's like,

"Hey, we're going to

India, it's our last chance

"and maybe we can get him to

get married the way we did."

Why do our marriages

survive at a higher rate

than the American marriage

when you say, "I have

to be falling in love,

"and it has to click."

Where you know the girl

for a year or two the way Americans do

and still 50% of the marriages fail,

- the reason is compatibility, value, the belief.

- Yeah.

Like we got married, me and Mom,

I only talked to her 10 minutes.

Does that mean you think

that works for me as well?

- Absolutely!

- Absolutely.

- If you ask me, 100%, I believe...

- Yeah.

...from the bottom of the

heart, not even a doubt.

Everything affects our thinking and liking

whether you are going to put

up with the person or not,

if your, if her food habits are different.

Food habits is the first reason?

No, no, I'm giving you a reason at random.

You want to focus on a girl

who has same value in the life

and have been raised same way you have,

and especially keeping in

mind the religion is same.

Now, we're not saying

every Indian family is good for you.

That is why we select.

You had to check the

family and the background

because you only get 10

minutes to meet the person.

Whereas I'm saying, you date the person.

- You get a better sense of who a person is...

- No, no, no...

...by spending time with that person

than by finding out who their family is.

- That's why there's a matchmaking.

- Aha!

If this girl is good with that boy

but that boy is good with this girl,

so everybody is good,

everybody gets married at the end.

All the girls and all the boys get married.

What would be the downside

of me marrying a white girl?

A white girl, a white girl?

Let's say American, let's

say a white American girl.

Here's where it gets

a little tricky...

I have a huge family,

all last name Patel.

And here's the thing, they're

all married to Patels.

See, these are the

rules of being a Patel,

you're supposed to marry

someone who's also named Patel.

Now, it's not incest. It's...

it's like a caste thing.

It means... uh,

that they're from this

small little region of India.

Where we come from,

actually our hometown's

probably, I want to say 90%...

Eighty to 90% Patel...

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