Mayeux le bossu

---

ON GUARD!

En garde!

Thank you, gentlemen. Free play.

Don't hurt each other.

Fencing is the art

of conversation between arms.

We teach survival here.

For killing, go elsewhere.

Hey, Uncle!

Halt!

- My lord...

- Master Cocardasse?

May I introduce my nephew,

Lagardre.

Hadn't you enlisted?

Discharged, my lord.

- But service is 7 years.

- I killed a colonel.

My compliments.

My colonel.

- Over a woman.

- Justifiable.

His wife.

What do you want?

To learn your secret.

My secret?

The Nevers Attack.

Grant me the honor of a duel.

How presumptuous!

Do you agree?

En garde, then!

Stand back, gentlemen.

En garde.

Begin, gentlemen.

- He stops, blows his nose...!

- He's a duke.

That's it, let your blood boil.

Fine!

Fine!

That's enough now.

Observe closely...

Upon the count of 5

he's a dead man.

- A great honor for us, Your Grace!

- Don't mention it.

The Duke d'Orleans... here?

I have to be somewhere.

Oh, cousin!

Cousin.

- Once more, my lord...

- Enough!

My friends!

I, Philippe de Nevers and

my cousin Philippe de Gonzague...

Where is Gonzague?

In the background, as usual.

We present

our royal cousin,

Philippe d'Orleans,

with this sword forged by Ramon

de Heredia of Toledo.

Nicely balanced...

a mite heavy, but magnificent.

Thank you, cousin.

Try it out. I recommend him...

He's left-handed.

- Why not?

- Me?

Not so much as a scratch!

He's the better man.

Why?

Because he's on kissing terms

with his uncle, the King.

We won't stand on ceremony.

Let us see your skill.

I slipped on a macaroon.

Someone finds my slipping

on a macaroon amusing?

Too heavy. I make you a gift

of your gift, Nevers.

What is this young bundle

of nerves called?

Lagardre, my lord.

I shall remember the name.

Help me!

- You're hurting me.

- It's good luck to touch your hump.

To touch, not beat.

Keep an eye on him.

I have no intention

of spending my life standing

in the background.

The Mississippi

is a golden opportunity, cousin.

It would cost little

to buy the regions

between the English lands

and the warm seas of the Louisiana.

A mere quarter of your fortune!

The land there

is incredibly fertile,

sparsely inhabited by savages

who can be bought with rum

and medals.

I can guarantee a 10-to-1 profit.

Money! That's all you talk about.

Are we shopkeepers?

I won't appear at the Princess'

with horsehair over my ears!

Our duty is to perish

fighting for the King's glory.

To die in our prime is our right!

The King says we can trade overseas

if we don't demean ourselves.

You are my sole heir, alas.

But have patience. A stray

cannonball or a luckless duel

and you are a rich man!

Speaking of expenses,

Mauronvert is for sale.

Mauronvert cured

a toothache with his pistol.

Now his chateau is for sale.

I want it. I simply love chateaux!

But, cousin, the Mississippi!

Don't forget...

Mauronvert! I want it!

Hey, you...

Good evening, sir.

What do you want?

- A letter for the Duke de Nevers.

- Give.

For the Duke in person.

Gonzague sees to these matters.

Wait here.

Wait here, please!

Greetings.

I'm a close friend of the Duke's.

- I'll deliver it.

- For the Duke in person.

Damn, you stink like your horse!

I've been riding 5 days.

I don't stink,

- I smell of horse.

- Who sent you?

Blanche de Caylus. It's a secret.

Go have a drink.

I can deliver your letter.

I told you:
in person.

I may gamble at cards tonight.

Very well, my lord.

My lord, it's me!

Him again!

This letter for a duel!

- Throw him out! The cudgel!

- Careful, my lord!

I have a quick temper.

I kill lackeys like the rest.

Enough! The rod!

Take this letter to Gonzague.

The messenger said "in person,"

my lord...

It's from Blanche de Caylus.

Blanche de Caylus!

Release him.

I don't read much. Do you?

I get by.

"My ten-der love...

"Did you receive

my pre-vious let-ters?"

What letters? Read quicker!

I get little practice.

You're a funny one.

"This is the 12th letter

"I have written you in 12 months.

"You promised me undying love."

"You kept your promise

without meaning to.

"Your undying love

"weighs 8 lbs and has emerald eyes."

What was that?

It's clear enough. A baby.

Read on.

"My father

"is in a towering rage.

"He threatens me

"with the convent. I beseech

you to at least save our child.

"Your despairing

"Blanche de Caylus."

I have a son?

Or a daughter.

For generations,

the Nevers have only had sons.

Where is my son mentioned?

"Your undying love weighs 8 lbs

"and has emerald eyes."

And I didn't know.

What became of her other letters?

I thought she had forgotten me.

I was in despair, like her.

It hardly showed, my lord.

I don't make a spectacle

of my feelings.

I leave tomorrow for Caylus

to wed Blanche.

Thank you for the son

you've given me.

Cousin, great news!

I am to marry. Guess who?

Blanche de Caylus!

Are you distressed? Still love her?

Forget her.

I almost forgot:
she gave me a son.

You're no longer my heir.

But I'll double your pension.

You will love this child.

You must love him.

File this letter and find out

what became of the others.

He robs me of Blanche's love.

He disinherits me,

and expects to fob me off

with a few alms.

Find me Peyrolles.

That one, Peyrolles.

- A fine sword.

- The young fellow?

That's the man we need.

My guts are on fire.

How much for your sword arm?

- By the month? Or the hour?

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