Massacre on Aisle 12
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2016
- 83 min
- 13 Views
1
Santa you know, you keep staring,
you better give her a tip.
This ain't no free peep show.
Mother hey!
Santa you know what that means.
Santa course you can take
a picture with Santa
just go tell mom it's
gonna cost twenty bucks.
Tara
welcome to Mr. Beavers.
Shopper
idiot, watch where you're going.
Cashier
welcome to Mr. Beavers
welcome to Mr. Beavers
what?
Pictures with
Santa's over there.
Dave
oh, no. I'm Dave.
I'm starting tonight.
Are you asking me or
are you telling me?
I'm supposed to meet Jack.
Try the vending machines.
Okay.
Is it...
Female newscaster ho, ho, hold your
horse gift givers. There's still time
to buy presents with many
retailers staying open late
on Christmas Eve to cash
in on last minute shoppers.
Male newscaster speaking of cashing in,
police are looking for two men who
robbed an armored
car this afternoon.
Male newscaster police say these
men are armed and dangerous.
Anyone with information on the
crime stoppers hotline.
Jack ahhhhhh!
Jack
ah! Ah!
Jack what do you want?
Pictures with Santa's out there.
Dave uh no, umm, I'm Dave.
I start work here tonight.
Oh, hey, Jack.
Sorry buddy.
Right.
I get a little, little upset
when I don't get my fritter.
Dave right.
And this machine...
Just like my ex.
Jack took my money and
didn't give me no pie.
Huh.
the death of me anyway.
You want something?
No I'm, I'm good thank you.
You're good? They make
because sh*t f***er Mitch
bails on us and you're good?
Well the bills have been
pilling up right. What can I do?
Tell them go f***
themselves man.
That's what I would have done.
Man f*** this place.
This place sucks.
Aren't you the
assistant manager?
Oh yeah man, I am.
But I'm just here for the money.
I come here every day,
every single day.
Ready to blow my
f***ing brains out.
I even got a special bullet
picked out just for the job.
Hollow point.
I'm just messin' with you man.
Over here's Tara.
Yo' Tara...
Jack Tara...
What?
This is Dave.
The new guy.
We already met,
in a near glorious moment
at this very register.
Don't be a b*tch Tera.
It's his first night.
Save it till we're
sure he's staying,
then do the queen
super b*tch thing.
Whatever.
Dave what are you reading.
Oh, it's really good.
It's called, um,
none of your f***ing business
by leave me the f*** alone.
Ever heard of it?
like after two years. I mean
I want to be an actress so what
good is like math and science
You know?
And then I got diagnosed
I had to start taking
Xanax, like, a lot. And
that kept me from
going back to school.
Jack she can't help it,
being a b*tch and all.
She's got like some
chick disease in her 'wawa'
Dave I'm sorry did you say a
chick disease in her wawa?
What does that mean?
Totes don't know
bro, just what I heard.
Hmm. I mean I f***ed
her and I'm alright.
Oh, do you guys
have health insurance?
Because my script
kind of ran out and,
Okay.
Jack no. No, no, no. No cell
phones allowed in the store man.
Boss man will take that
from you lickity split
if he finds you with it.
Seriously?
We had uh, an incident
here, not too long ago.
We call it the uh, "great
basically it involved
somebody, won't name names,
takin' a sh*t in a
display toilet,
snap a cell phone picture.
Bamm! Instagram, Twitter,
hashtag Mr. Beaver's
display toilet hell.
Went viral; Got
like a million hits.
they yanked our cell phones.
That's... that's horrible.
I know right. What
right does that give them to
yank our cell phone privileges
f***ing fascist man.
What no, no, no. Someone
actually took a sh*t,
in this display toilet.
Dude, yeah that happens
No seriously, little kids,
the homeless, elderly people.
I've even dropped a
deuce in it before.
You take a sh*t in the store?
Not our toilets. I'm talkin'
like Lowes, or home depot
no. No I was not fired
from home depot.
Okay, who told you that?
O'tooney? He's full of sh*t.
I left on my own volition to
pursue other opportunities.
shitting in a display toilet.
That's it. I left on my own.
It had nothing to do with that.
Boss hired a rent-a-clause for
Christmas. Barbie was my idea.
dressed for Christmas.
Jack oh, yeah.
Santa ho, ho, ho
here comes Santa
now, why don't you be a good girl... I'd
like to give her a kiss on her camel toe.
Jack you're hired.
Barbie
what really I got the job?
Oh my god I'm so excited.
When do I start?
Yaay... wait!
Hold up pal...
Do I get to keep my tips or do I
have to split them with Santa?
Jack you can keep the tip.
Yo, black Jack.
Black Jack what the
f*** do you want man?
Jack this here's Jackson Porter
we call him
black Jack because...
Obviously...
Can you believe this is
the assistant manager?
He thinks he's really
clever. What are you
writing in your book? Some
of your wack black Jack raps?
Man f*** you white bread.
I'll slit yo' damn throat.
Whatever man yeah I'm good with
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"Massacre on Aisle 12" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/massacre_on_aisle_12_13464>.
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