Married by Christmas

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1

[alarm beeping]

[Christmas music plays]

Santa,

it's that time of year again

When I ask you for some things

from the North Pole

I want a dress, a lollipop

And a diamond chain

But every year my stocking's

filled with coal

So make a list

Check it twice

I think you know

who's naughty or nice

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- I hope it's true

- Thank you. Good morning.

- Oh, Santa

- Good morning. Hi!

- Hi.

- Okay, so now, your 2:00 is moved to 5:30,

so I canceled cocktails

with Will Ambrose.

You have a 4 a.m.

conference call

with New York in the morning.

I need you to review

and sign these.

- These are done.

- Oh, great. Excellent.

- Here you go. Pen. All right.

- No.

And I need you to decide between

this generic holiday goose

with a bow around its neck,

or this winter wonderland cabin

for this year's

P.C. corporate holiday card.

Shouldn't there be a picture of fruit

or a chocolate manger or something?

We're a food

distribution company.

I don't make the cards,

I just sign your name to em.

Okay, um... goose.

You can eat that, right?

Yeah, if you live

in a Dickens novel.

Oh, can you put out a memo

that we're gonna close up shop

early tomorrow

for Thanksgiving Eve, please?

Really? Does that privilege

extend to your humble assistant?

- It does.

- Are you going soft on me?

No. I have plenty to do,

but Mom's forcing me

to come over and

stuff a Turducken.

Why in the world would

your mother let you cook?

Because the professional chef in the

family is bringing home her new boyfriend.

- Ooh! Have you met him yet?

- No, no one has.

But, um, Katie says

there's some big surprise,

so while you're at it, can you

make me a list of wedding venues,

a spreadsheet, because the girl is

as transparent as tissue paper.

- Oh! That's so exciting!

- Is it?

You're such a grump before

you have any caffeine. Here.

Oh, speaking of which,

don't forget you have

coffee with your dad at 5:00.

Oh! He wants to go over

the Rowling Vineyards proposal.

Well, as the person

that personally piloted

your exhaustive research, I can

assure you, you're prepared.

I'm gonna ask him

to let me run the deal.

- Go team!

- [chuckles] Oh, by the way,

did you finalize the rentals

for the holiday office party?

- Yep.

- Fantastic. I want everything to be perfect.

You guys deserve it.

Basically, my whole goal

is for everyone to have so much

fun that their head explodes.

That's festive.

Oh, also, can you

Google Turducken?

Oh, yes. It's a chicken stuffed inside

of a duck stuffed inside of a turkey.

Okay, I'm gonna need

some rubber gloves.

Katie's engaged.

Mm! Love is in the air.

So is the swine flu, Zelda.

Don't offend Cupid, Carrie Tate.

He could have an arrow

with your name on it.

[Zelda chuckles]

Oh!

Mm-mm.

How do you misspell "Mark"?

Oh! With a hint of irony

and extra foam, apparently.

- That is... I mean, cheers.

- Cheers. Mm.

So, Dad, a golf game, coffee.

Plan on making it into

the office anytime soon?

I don't have to be

a workaholic anymore,

because you've

taken over that job.

Oh, okay! So I can have

your big corner office too?

- Wonderful.

- Patience, grasshopper.

When have you ever

known me to have patience?

- Ah...

- I can, however, rock a spreadsheet.

- The cover art's impressive.

- I try.

Okay. So, Rowling Vineyards.

They're a winery in Napa.

And just this last year, their

entire Pinot crop was destroyed

by black rot and now they're

on the verge of bankruptcy.

- Mm-hm.

- So I believe that we could recoup

our entire initial investment

in, listen to this, six months,

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