Mark and Russell's Wild Ride



( Exhales )

Okay, okay, okay.

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

- ( Exhales )

- Ahem.

First time taking the test?


Excellent stop, young man.

Though you might want

to pull up a little.

( Car alarm blares )

We can just go, right?

That's my car.

Easy now. You should be at least

one full car length behind...

( brakes screech )

It could've been worse.

And now it's worse.

( Siren wailing )

So emergency vehicles

have the right of way,

but it's not right

to turn right when

it's no right on red. Right?

I'm only here to observe.

( Wordless groaning )


You're gonna do just fine.

See? Fine.

Thank you.

Squirrel! Squirrel!

Points for not killin' it?

( Horn blares )

Was I a terrible person

in a past life?

The past five lives?

Would you snap out of it?

It's gonna be a wonderful day.

Who fails anything five times?

I failed to ride the El

Diablo coaster five times,

'cause I'm still shorter than the

"you must be this tall" hand.

Does that stop me from hanging

upside down every morning?

Mm-mm. I've grown

a twelfth of an inch.

And change.

( Snorting laughter )

Hey! That's one.

You don't get two.

Okay. All right.

That license was

the key to everything.

It's the age-old equation.

License plus girls

suddenly noticing you,

multiplied by

ultra-hip parties,

divided by

a sensible new haircut,

equals popularity to

the power of infinity.

The ultimate cool-gorithm.

But that dream is dead

now, Russell.

They're gonna call me

"Five-Time Failure,"

which as far as nicknames go,

doesn't have that much teeth,

but it still hurts.

I'd take that over Smallest

Kid In the World any day.

And at least we're still a notch

above Space Helmet and Booger Tom.

You wanna come over

after school?

My mom makes homemade coleslaw.

Just him thinking that

we'd accept that invitation

- shows how close we are to rock bottom.

- Duly noted.

Well, on the plus side, at least

we do have chem lab today.

I feel like that's really more of

a plus for you than it is for me.

What can I say?

I love science.

Wow. Just wow.

The way you handle that beaker.

You remind me of

a young Marie Curie.

Didn't she die of

radiation poisoning?

I'm pretty sure I said young.

Oh, thank you for saving

my butt, Mark.

I'm so lucky we became

lab partners this year.

Are you kidding?

I'm the lucky one.

If it wasn't for you, I'd be

stuck with Cheese Hands Tony.

Ugh. This school's so harsh

with nicknames.

I know.

What's your nickname again?

Nice Teeth Ashley.

- That's brutal.

- ( Both laugh )


What are you doing this Sunday?

Sittin' around. Maybe my

house, maybe Russell's. Why?

Well, Monica Delmonico's

having a pool party...

Okay, all right.

I think I know where

you're goin' with this, Ashley.

The best dish to bring to a pool

party is cold noodle salad.

Or so I have read.

I was actually wondering

if you wanted to take me

to the party.

I mean, you just took

your license test, right?

Yes. It's true.

Then you can pick me up.

We'll go together.

Yeah. Together.

Great. See you at noon.

- Oh, and bring that, uh...

- Cold noodle salad?

Perfect. I'm gonna be

bringing cupcakes

from my aunt's bakery.

Love Crumbs.

You can totally taste the love.


Did that just happen?

Did the girl that

I've been crushing on

since kindergarten

just ask me out?

It's like you just leveled up

right in front of me.

You'll sneak me in through the

back gate or doggy door, right?

Yeah, dude, yeah.

Just gonna drive on

over, pick her up,

I'll carry you in

in my towel bag,

and... what?

I don't wanna say it.

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    "Mark and Russell's Wild Ride" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 19 Jun 2021. <'s_wild_ride_13390>.

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