Love and Death

Synopsis: In Russia, Boris Grushenko is in love with his pseudo-intellectual cousin Sonja, who loves him since he too is a pseudo-intellectual, but she is not in love with him. Instead she is in love with his brother Ivan. But as Ivan doesn't seem to return her affections, she is determined to marry someone - anyone - except Boris. If that person isn't the perfect husband, then she has to find a suitable lover in addition. Boris' pursuit of Sonja has to take a back seat in his life when he, a pacifist and coward, is forced to join the Russian Army to battle Napoleon's forces which have just invaded Austria. Despite Sonja not being in the picture while he's away at war, Boris' thoughts do not stray totally from women. Although they take these two divergent paths in their lives, those paths cross once again as they, together, both try to find the perfect spouse and lover, and try to assassinate Napoleon.
Genre: Comedy, War
Director(s): Woody Allen
Production: United Artists
  1 win & 1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
85 min

How I got into this predicament,

I'll neverknow.

Absolutely incredible.

To be executed fora crime

I never committed.

Of course,

isn't all mankind in the same boat?

Isn't all mankind ultimately executed

for a crime it never committed?

The difference is

that all men go eventually,

but I go six o'clock tomorrow morning.

I was supposed to go at fiive o'clock,

but I have a smart lawyer. Got leniency.

I've a tremendous yearning

to be young again.

A boy. Such happy memories

at oursummerhouse.

Uncle Nikolai with his wonderful laugh.

God, he was repulsive.

There was Grandpa and Grandma,

who had been married for 50 years

and still felt as deeply about one another

as the day they met.

And my own father,

a handsome and generous man.

In addition to oursummerand winter

estate, he owned a valuable piece ofland.

True, it was a small piece. But he carried

it with him whereverhe went.

Dimitri Pietrovich!

I would like to buy your land.

This land is not for sale.

Some day, I hope to build on it.

He was an idiot. But I loved him.

Then there was mother, who made

the most delicious blintzes in the world.

Of course, there was Old Gregor,

and his son, Young Gregor.

Young Gregor's son

was older than Old Gregor.

Nobody could fiigure out

how that happened.

My two brothers, lvan and Mikhail,

used to play amusing little games.

But I had a completely different

concept ofmyselfas a child.

My fiirst experience with death

was with one ofourserfs, Old Nehamkin.

Old Nehamkin was on the roof, putting up

a lightning rod, when a storm broke out.

After he failed to show up for dinner,

Mother went to look forhim.

What is it, Old Nehamkin?

You're not looking well.

Are you OK? You feel all right?

We laid Old Nehamkin to rest,

and that night

I had a strange and vivid dream.

I knew that after that dream I would

not grow up to be an ordinary man.

I spoke often with FatherNikolai,

who was always dressed in black

with a black beard.

For years

I thought he was an ltalian widow.

Every action has a cause. The universe

exists, therefore it has a cause.

It follows God created the universe,

therefore He exists.

And yet Spinoza didn't believe

in the Holy Trinity.

- Spinoza was a Jew.

- What's a Jew?

You never saw a Jew?

Here. I have some sketches.

- There are Jews.

- No kidding.

- They all have these horns?

- No, this is the Russian Jew.

The German Jew has these stripes.

I recall my fiirst mystical vision.

I was in the woods, thinking about Christ.

IfHe was a carpenter, I wondered

what He'd charge forbook shelves?


- Who are you?

- Death.

What happens after we die?

Is there a hell? ls there a God?

Do we live again?

All right. Let me ask one key question.

- Are there girls?

- You're an interesting young man.

We'll meet again.

- Don't bother.

- It's no bother.

I grew to full manhood.

Actually, fiive foot six,

which is technically not full manhood

in Russia, but you can own property.

Over 5'3", you can own land. Under 5'3",

you needpermission from the Tsar.

We were three healthy men.

My brotherlvan.

My brotherMikhail.

And myself.

Finally, there was my cousin Sonja.

In addition to being the most beautiful

woman I had everseen,

she was one ofthe fewpeople

I could have deep conversations with.

Boris, look at this leaf. Isn't it perfect?

And this one? Look.

Oh, yeah. I definitely think that

this is the best of all possible worlds.

- It's certainly the most expensive.

- Isn't nature incredible?

To me, nature is... I dunno,

spiders and bugs and,

big fish eating little fish.

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Woody Allen

Heywood "Woody" Allen is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker, and playwright, whose career spans more than six decades. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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