Louis C.K.: Live at the Comedy Store

Synopsis: Comedian Louis C.K. performs live at the Comedy store in LA.
Director(s): Louis C.K.
  Won 1 Primetime Emmy. Another 1 nomination.
66 min


One of my hobbies

is I collect dust.

Are you from this country?

I go around town

slashing tire prices.

Do you get that?

Do you know that Christmas song

"Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Do you?

You stopped laughing.

You stopped laughing, sir.

You got the idea,

there are no jokes.

There's a kind of hush

all over this room.

I'm addicted to

prescription glasses.

And "20/20" wants to do

my life story.

It gets wor-

A four-year-old wrote this.

Thank you.

No, I'm not leaving yet,

hold on.

This is my stepladder.

I never knew my real ladder.

I heard great things

about my real ladder,

that he supported three people

at one time.

Last I heard, he's one-

I f***ed that up, too.

The last I heard, he was in

a 12-step program.

It really didn't matter.

Oh, thank you.

Anyway, I've had a lovely-

That's it for me, thank you very

much, thank you very much.

Anyway, with that,

I'm gonna bring up the man.

Do you know the man?

Mister who?

Mr. Louie-who, what?

Mr. Louis Prima? No.

Mr. Louis Armstrong? No.

Mr. Louis C.K.!

Here he is.

Thank you.


Oh, my God, you guys.

Oh, my God, thank you.


You guys...

You guys are great, thank you.

This is what I talk like now,

just so you know.

I'm gonna do

the whole show like this.

A really-a very offensive


...of a Mexican.

This is...

This is a Mexican at the border.

Just let me in!


He won't let me-

You guys are d*cks

in there, anyways!

F*** you, America!

Was that too high up,

do you think?

That's why I like-

I always like to stand

just a little bit wrong,

you know?

Just for my own entertainment,

instead of standing like this,

just put it a little bit up

here, just so people are like-

I don't know why

that bothers me.

Especially if I'm somewhere

I don't like being, like CVS.

You know, I hate CVS.

But sometimes

you gotta go in there.

That should be

their slogan, CVS.


you gotta come in here."

Where else you gonna get

your wart Band-Aids

and that stuff

for your dry vaginer?

Dry vaginer.

I used to think

it was called a "vaginer."

I did, because I grew up

in Boston and the-

I don't know

if you are familiar with-

People call it

the Boston accent.

It's not an accent.

It's a whole city of people

saying most words wrong.

It's just a stupidity

in a massive region.

Because my teachers,

they teach you

to talk like that.

My teacher-I had a teacher

named Miss Daugherty,

but she thought

her name was Mrs. Darrity.

She mispronounced her own name.

Mrs. Darrity!

And she'd give us sex-ed-

This was fifth grade.

We had sex ed with Mrs. Darrity,

and she's showing us

the diagram, she's like,

"This is a penis.

"And this is a vaginer.

"Now, during intercourse,

the man ejaculates sperm...

"... up into the vaginer.

"And then later,

"a f***ing baby...

"... comes out of the vaginer.

And sometimes it's 'retahded. '"

This was the '70s.

A teacher said "retahded"

in Boston in the '70s.

"My daughter's retahded."

She used to tell us every day.

"I have a daughter

and she's mentally retahded.

"She's 35 and she lives

in my house.

"She better be f***ing retahded.

I'm gonna stick her back up

in my vaginer."

So I thought it was called

a vaginer 'til I was, like, 25.

And I remember thinking

it was, like-

It's a vaginer, it's a-

Like, a thing

that vagines, you know?

Like, you use it to vagine-

I gotta vagine my driveway.

I don't know.

I just gotta vagine

this new table I just made.

That would make a nice table,

like, you make a new table

and then you take the-

the 80-grit paper

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Louis C.K.

Louis A. Székely (born September 12, 1967), better known by his stage name Louis C.K. (), is a Mexican American stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and filmmaker. He is known for his use of observational, self-deprecating, dark, and shock humor. In 2012, C.K. won a Peabody Award and has received six Primetime Emmy Awards, as well as numerous awards for The Chris Rock Show, Louie, and his stand-up specials Live at the Beacon Theater (2011) and Oh My God (2013). He has won the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album twice. Rolling Stone ranked C.K.'s stand-up special Shameless number three on their "Divine Comedy: 25 Best Stand-Up Specials and Movies of All Time" list and ranked him fourth on its 2017 list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time.C.K. began his career in the 1990s writing for comedians including David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, and also for other comedy shows. Also in this period, he was directing surreal short films and went on to direct two features—Tomorrow Night (1998) and Pootie Tang (2001). In 2001, C.K. released his debut comedy album, Live in Houston directly through his website and became among the first performers to offer direct-to-fan sales of tickets to his stand-up shows, as well as DRM-free video concert downloads, via his website. He has released nine comedy albums, often directing and editing his specials as well. He had supporting acting roles in the films The Invention of Lying (2009), American Hustle, Blue Jasmine (both 2013), and Trumbo (2015). C.K. created, directed, executive produced, starred in, wrote, and was the primary editor of, Louie, an acclaimed semi-autobiographical comedy-drama series aired from 2010 to 2015 on FX. In 2016, C.K. created and starred in his self-funded web series Horace and Pete. He also co-created the shows Baskets and Better Things for FX and voiced Max the dog in the animated film The Secret Life of Pets in the same year. His 2017 film, I Love You, Daddy, was pulled from distribution prior to its scheduled release date after multiple women accused him of sexual misconduct which he then admitted to. more…

All Louis C.K. scripts | Louis C.K. Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Louis C.K.: Live at the Comedy Store" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 14 May 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/louis_c.k.:_live_at_the_comedy_store_12887>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Louis C.K.: Live at the Comedy Store

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.