Louie Anderson: Big Baby Boomer

Synopsis: Louie Anderson returns to the stage in this hilarious stand up comedy special. Louie takes an unconventional and jovial look at his bad habits, pesky family members, and aging body.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Michael Ashton
44 min


[upbeat music]

[cheers and applause]

- Ladies and gentlemen,Louie Anderson.

[cheers and applause]

- Hi, everybody.

Thank you so much.

What a beautiful day,wasn't it?


I almost went for a walk.

I just got backfrom Canada,

you know?

First of all, I had to flyin the tiniest plane,

so tiny they hadto weigh us.

Yeah, funny for you.

The guy says, "We're goingto have to weigh you."

"Well, could I takemy shoes off first?"

I had to lay in the aisle,so we could land.

Canada is something,isn't it?

You know it's onlya matter of time

before they start measuringour butts.

You realize that,don't you, huh?

I suppose it'll be likethat thing you stick the bag in

to see if it'll fitin the overhead.

"Sir, can you putyour butt in there?

We don't thinkyou're a coach seat."

You don't?

You hear your brotherbehind you,

"He's a stagecoach seat."

Then you do thisto your brother.

You ever do this--tiny talk?

[mouths words]

Only other family membersand cats and dogs

can understand it.

You'll see womenin the supermarket

with their kidssometimes--

[mouths words]

Dogs and cats.

You can't bring theminto Canada

unless they havea hockey uniform on.

You have a dog or cat?

Dog?Aren't dogs great?

The dog's always happyto see you.

You're always happy to see--no matter what.

If you come back five timesin five minutes,

the dog is still happyto see you each time.


"Oh, my God,you came back!

"Oh, where'd you go?

"Don't ever leave me again!

Now let me lick you."

Cats don't careif you're home.

"Hey, Fluffy!"

[mouths words]

Cats lovewhen you're fat.

They're always over therewhen you're fat.

They're doingthe elliptical,

working out on your stomach,you know?

"Don't you move.

I'll scratchthe hell out of you."

Have you been to Canada?

Have you?'Cause it's an experience.

First of all, you fill outthe immigration thing.

"Are you carrying$10,000 or more?"

"Are you crazy?

"I'm comingfrom the States.

We don't have $10,000."

"Are you bringingany weapons?"

"Yeah, I got a Howitzerin my hollow leg."

[imitates gunshot]

Does anybody say,"Yeah, I'm bringing weapons in,

and I'm flush with cash"?

How about the walkfrom the plane to customs?

Have you ever done that?

What is that for, to weed outthe sick and infirmed?

Then I get up there,and you know,

even though I don't haveany drugs on me,

I'm still nervouswith the customs people.

I don't haveany drugs.

A doughnut maybe,but no drugs.

And then he says to me,

"Are you planning on visitinga farm while you're here?"

"Well, should I?"

I get there at 12:30at night, you know?

I was starving.

And there's nothing openin Canada at 12:30.

I said to the guywho was driving me--he goes,

"There's really nothing open."

I go, "Take meto the gas station.

I like that food."

Women won't eat it,but men will.

[feminine voice]"I'm not eating that."

[masculine voice]"What's wrong with that?

"It's tuna.

"It's packaged.

"I'll get thatand the apple

they playedhacky sack with."

Don't you think they throwthe fruit around

when no one's there?

Whoever's working--"Hey, Bill."

[mouths words]

And I come out of the store,

and a homeless guycomes up to me.

He goes,"I haven't eaten in five days."

"Well,you're not getting this."

I didn't say it,but I thought it, you know?

You know, haven't eatenin five days?

What's that like?

I went three hours once,but that was just a bad waiter.

I gave him money, so hecould get his tuna sandwich,

and the guydriving me goes,

"You know he's goingto buy dope with that."

"Well, I didn't thinkhe was going to start an IRA."

of course he's goingto buy crack with that.

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Louie Anderson

Louis Perry "Louie" Anderson (born March 24, 1953) is an American stand-up comedian, actor and television host. Anderson created the cartoon series Life with Louie, has written four books including Hey Mom: Stories for My Mother, But You Can Read Them Too published in 2018. He was the initial host of the third revival of the game show Family Feud from 1999 to 2002.For his performance on the FX comedy television series Baskets, Anderson received three consecutive Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series nominations and won once in September 2016. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Louie Anderson: Big Baby Boomer" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 13 May 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/louie_anderson:_big_baby_boomer_12882>.

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