Lost in a Harem

Synopsis: Pete Johnson and Harvey D. Garvey, two inept magicians on tour in the Middle Eastern kingdom of Barabeeha, help disenfranchised young Prince Ramo regain his throne from his devious Uncle Nimativ, who uses two magical hypnotic rings and ruthless methods to maintain his power. By posing as Hollywood talent scouts the boys break out of a dank dungeon with a deranged derelict, evade palace guards, elude the palace executioner, and avoid detection in the forbidden royal harem.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Charles Reisner
Production: MGM
89 min

Somewhere in the mystic distance...

...at the edge

of a mighty imaginary ocean...

...there is a teeming mythical city...

...Port Inferno.

Strange plots are hatched here...

...which will affect the lives

and destinies...

...of two strange persons.

Ormulu. I must speak with the fair one.

- Have you arranged it?

- I can do nothing.

She is as cold as the planet

which bears her name.

You'll try again.

Take these two pieces of gold.

Before the cock crows,

you must bring us together.

I can get a diamond solitaire

That's easy as pie

If I want to travel

I can get the fare

'Cause I know a guy

I can get a mink

With just a wink

Or even less

And I can dig

Gold but big

And I dig it with finesse

I can get a penthouse anyplace

Complete with a view

I can even get as far as second base

With Frank Sinatra too

And I can bet

A horse and get

Ten thousand back for two

But for goodness' sake

What does it take?

What does it take to get you?

I can put a dervish in a whirl

'Cause I have my ins

I can get to be his favorite pinup girl

'Cause I got the pins

I can get the Maharajah jewels

Without a cent

And just like that

Hang my hat

In the sultan's private tent

I can get a camel caravan

'Cause I know

'Cause I know a sheik

All I have to do to get a man

Is pinch him on the cheek

And I would bet that I can get

A Taj Mahal or two

But for goodness' sake

What does it take?

What does it take to get you?

- Who is it?

- Mr. Ormulu.

- Come in.

- Miss Moon, come on, come on.

The sons of the desert

demand an encore.

Mr. Ormulu, please. I simply can't

go out there till you put out that wolf.

Wolf? There must be some mistake.

In the Cafe of All Nations

we do not serve animals.

Maybe that's right,

but there's one out there now.

All during my number,

he just sat there and stared at me...

...like I was a porterhouse steak

and he had a fork and a knife.

He made me so nervous

I could hardly sing.

So now I should throw out

cash customers.

I tell you who I'm throwing out.

Those worthless friends of yours.

That Peter Johnson

and that Harvey Garvey.

When our show was stranded in this terrible

place they lent me money, helped me.

Give them another chance.

I will strike a bargain with you.

They shall have one more chance...

...if you will only speak with the ardent one

who comes nightly to gaze upon you.

Very well. He may speak to me.

After the boys do their act.

Excellent. Excellent.

Worthy patrons, due to circumstances

over which I have no control...

...it is my misfortune to present to you...

...those two international artists...

...Garvey and Johnson.

Look at my curtains.

- Where'd the people go?

- Out here.

- Where are they?

- Out here.

All right, pull yourself together.

The table.

This is a little trick...

A little trick that I picked up in my tra...

Over here. Over here.

A little trick that I picked up

in my travels.

It... Now here we have

just an ordinary little silver cup.

- That's silver?

- Nothing... Yes.

- Silver?

- Nothing in it.

- Let me see.

- It's silver.

- That's tin.

- Don't say tin.

- You know that's silver.

- No, it ain't.

- I say it's silver.

- Oh, we're lying to those people.

- Quiet! Silver, friends.

- That's tin.

I say it's silver.

- That's funny-looking silver.

- That's what it is.

That's what I bought and paid for.

- Well, you got tin.

- Don't say tin!

- I know what you got. That's...

- Never mind. When I say silver, I mean it.

- And when I say...

- Don't say that. Just don't say it.

- I ain't gonna say it.

- Say what?

- That word.

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