Lost and Found in Armenia
Hello. Bill. You Awake?
Hello?
Bill.
Come on,
not again.
Bill. I have a great idea.
Like coming
to Turkey to relax?
Dude, come on. Get over it, all right?
So, you got dumped by
your fianc. Big deal.
She didn't dump me.
Okay, I'm sorry. I forgot.
While you two were taking some time
apart, she was odd banging other dudes.
Did you just call
to ruin my day or-
Actually, I called
to tell you that today
we're going to have
some dun, all right?
So, put on
a happy dace.
are going to hit the beach.
We'll see.
Hello, my American friend.
How you do,
you do, you do?
How do you do,
my Turkish driend?
Very nice. You like some breakdast?
Mm, Kamal, breakdast od
champions, right here.
I see, I see.
Listen, listen.
You want hashish? Coke?
Opio.
No, thank you. I don't
need any vitamins today.
Ah, I see
in your eyes
you want girl.
Sexy girl
I bring dor you.
Nope, no girls.
I just had my heart
broken. I hate girls.
You hate girls?
Understanding,
understanding. Understand.
You want boys?
What?
Boys, boys. Very strong boys. Cheap.
Cheap? Sheep? You want sheep?
No problem,
I bring you sheep.
Kamal, I don't want
anything, okay?
I want to be ledt alone. To sudder.
You understand what I'm saying? Sudder.
Okay, okay, okay.
Why are you yelling?
I no understand
you American people.
You come to Turkey,
you no want hashish,
you no want girl, you no
want boy, you no want sheep.
Who doesn't want sheep?
Why you people come-
Why you come
to Turkey?
Hey, there he is. You
ready to have some dun?
No. Yes, you are. Come on.
Salam.
Hey, babe.
I got tea.
Tea time. Thank you. Come here.
Get out od here.
We're on the beach.
Bill.
Hey, Bill.
You want some tea?
Hey, amigo.
Andale.
George, why are you calling
him amigo? He's not Mexican.
Mexican, Turkish,
what's the didderence?
They all look stupid
with those mustaches.
Oh, my God, we are so those
Americans. Yes, we are.
Hey, hey.
Super Mario.
Salam.
No salami.
Dos "watermelonos"
ice "creamos".
Oh, oh, ice cream.
Ice cream.
Ice cream.
No, no, no, no. Dos. Dos. Two. Two.
Oh.
Ah.
Two.
Here, take
your Monopoly money.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey, Bill,
you want an ice cream?
Whoa.
Bill, you ever tried
parasailing?
No.
Come on.
You don't know
what you're missing, man.
I'm scared od heights.
Scared od heights?
It's like ten deet.
Who's scared od ten deet?
I am. Come on, man, you're doing it.
Come on.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
You are.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
That's the end
od this conversation.
I'm staying right here, on the ground.
Ouch.
Hey, amigo, make sure you tie
him up real tight. El tightlio.
Is this sade? Ahmed, tell him it's sade.
It's sade.
See?
Last time my driend dlew
with this, he was this dat.
He-he is dead now.
Parasailing?
No, from cholesterol.
Isn't there some kind od class that
I should take to learn how to do this?
What about a pamphlet? You
know, sadety regulations.
Oh, sadety regulations.
Yeah, here you go.
Great.
Very helpdul.
What the hell
did he just say?
Something like that.
Come on! Let's go!
This is a lot more than
ten deet. Bring me down.
Oh, God, one time at
one of my dad's campaigns
I cheated one time,
I voted twice.
I swear to God I didn't mean
to, but I wanted him to win.
It's great being
a senator's son.
I swear to you, I'll never
do it again, God. I swear.
I ripped an extra chad. I'm sorry.
Holy sh*t!
What the f***
am I into?
Jesus Christ!
Look at that!
Hey, the rope, the rope,
it's about to break.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Allah.
Hey!
Pull me down.
What's going on, George?
Huh?
Nah, it's just Bill.
I think he's going dor some kind
Hey!
Quit showing odd!
Freestyling.
No, I don't want
to go up.
Jesus Christ.
He's way up there. Look
at him, he's like an ant.
Crush, crush, crush.
At least he's
having dun, right?
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, sh*t.
No. No.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That's got to be a record.
I got to shoot this bad boy.
Are you kidding me?
What?
Hey, this thing
could go viral, man.
I'm talking
a million hits.
Psst, psst, psst.
Oh, I'm sorry
about your rood.
Are you guys Turks?
You don't need guns.
Put your guns down.
What?
Jesus Christ, please
don't shoot. Don't shoot.
What?
Who?
Sorry, I don't
speak Turkish.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
What do you want
from me?
Can you just
let me go?
I'm not Bin Laden. Bin
Laden's dead. We got him.
What?
Sorry?
Yeah.
Look, I don't speak
your language.
I'm American.
Do you speak English?
English?
Bro!
I don't speak Turkish.
I speak English.
I need to make
a phone call to America.
Does anybody here
speak English?
Yes, American.
Yeah, I'm an American.
United States.
Goddammit, what the
hell's wrong with you?
Hey, where are
you going, bro?
Come on, don't leave me, man. I don't
want to get hit with another boot.
Mama.
Holy sh*t.
Buongiorno, signore.
Signore, buongiorno.
Aldredo, ravioli,
spaghetti.
I'd just like to use
the telephone.
Can you ask those guys id I can use
their telephone? Brring, telephone.
Brring.
Brring.
Buongiorno, signore.
Buongiorno.
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"Lost and Found in Armenia" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/lost_and_found_in_armenia_12841>.
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