Lords of London

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Jesus! Tony!

Somebody call a f***in' ambulance.

What are you all f***in' lookin' at?

Get some help.

I'll get some help, Tony, please. Oh, jeez.

Oh, sh*t!

In the name of the Father, the

Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Miss! Excuse me!

Miss!

Hey!

Miss!

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

Hello?!

Hello! Hello!

Hello, I need to use the phone!

Phone! Can I use the phone?!

- I need to use the phone, please.

- My granddaughter's birthday.

They love these family gatherings.

- She couldn't be happier, eh?

- Who?

They think that the grass

is always, uh... greener.

She wants to go travelling, meet new people.

I keep telling her, we have some of

the greatest cities, in the world.

Florence, Milan.

Rome, Venice.

- Look, mate. Look, you got to...

- Francesco. Nice to meet you.

Welcome in my country.

Tony.

I understand, but I need to leave.

- You need to leave?

- Yes! I need to leave!

Is where you came from, really better, than this?

Look around you, Tony.

Look where you are.

I don't know where I am.

Pick your feet up.

Trust your f***ing mother to

lumber me with you. Come on!

Watch the sounds on the floor.

Sit down. You sit there.

Stay still, don't move. Don't talk to

anybody, don't even look at anybody.

Do you understand?!

- Get the f*** outta here!

- Get the f*** off me!

- Get the f*** off me!

- Shut up!

- Get the f*** off me!

- Shut up!

Help! Help me! Help me, please! Help me, please!

Get the f*** off me!

- Get the f*** off me!

- Shut up!

- Get the f*** off me!

- Shut up!

Get the f*** off me! Help! Help me!

Please, help me!

Hey! Come here!

I told you not to move.

I told you to sit still. Come on.

Sit right here and don't move.

Tony!

Come in. Sit down.

Hey, sit down.

Come on, sit down.

- You want coffee?

- I just want to get out of here, do you mind?

Get out of here? So, you

don't know this place, Tony?

No.

Well, I know it's Italy.

- And everyone's avoiding me.

- They don't know you, Tony.

Thanks.

You don't know why?

So... this place means nothing to you?

Palumbaro.

- Palumbaro.

- Never heard of it.

Perhaps in your past.

The nearest I got to Italy, was

a restaurant down the I street.

Me and the boys used to eat there, you know?

But, my mum took us there when we was kids.

She never mentioned this place?

No.

Why would she?

She died when I was young.

- I'm sorry.

- Long time, now.

Is that your granddaughter?

Yes.

I saw her praying... down the lane.

My wife.

Margherita really misses her.

I do, too.

She became sick.

It was hard... to see her, like that.

It's been two years, now.

Sorry.

- You're come from London, yes?

- Does it show?

Everyone talks about London, London, London.

Mama mia.

You will understand, soon enough.

Anyway, come on.

I have to lock up.

What's that all about?

You don't f***ing start again!

What is it?

What is this?

It's cold. You want me to eat this cold?

You want me to eat it?

You want me to f***ing eat this cold? This...

Leave the f***ing thing. We're

gonna f***ing eat. I'll eat it.

I'll f***ing eat it. You want me to eat it?

I'll eat it.

F***ing sh*t. Sh*t.

I'll f***ing eat...

I'll eat it.

C*nt!

F*** you! F*** this f***ing house! F*** ya!

Your granddaughter is a beautiful girl.

Yes, she is.

I don't know what she sees in him.

He's trouble.

Are all you English trouble?

Come on. Now, if there is no

language barrier, Freddie.

There's hundreds of language in the world, Tony.

Nobody speaks different languages.

- Nobody has a clue whatever you're saying...

- We are not speaking the same language.

Come on, make me laugh.

- This guy joins this religious order...

- Now, here we go.

He's in the middle of a joke, love. Do you mind?

- Don't bring your mum up here all the time.

- You still with us?

I've a one track mind, but

it's on the right track.

Well, anyway, this guy joins this

religious order and the rules are,

you're only allowed to take

two words every ten years.

First ten years are up, he goes up to the head

monk and says:
"Bad food," and he leaves.

Second ten years are up,

twenty years and he goes to

the head monk and says: Hard bed, "and he leaves.

Third ten years are up, thirty years

later, he sees the head monk,

he says:
"Can't sleep," and leaves.

Fourth ten years are up, forty years later, he

goes in to the head monk, he says: "I'm leaving."

Head monk says:
"Oh, f***ing time. All

you've done is bone since you got here. "

- Where were you?

- What's goin' on?

- Nothing.

- What goin' on?

I was in the rehearsal. And you? Where were you?

- Come on, have some fun.

- Let's go.

- No, I want-I want to stay with the others.

- Let's go. I've got me bike.

- Margherita, coffee, please.

- Right away.

Thank you.

Tony!

Thank you.

Sit down.

Coffee?

Why is everyone so here unfriendly in this town?

The people don't know how to take you, Tony.

Yes. A strange man, alone.

In this old-fashioned place.

- Nothing changed here, in 100 years.

- You could say that again.

- Look, I just need to get near a phone.

- Nearest one is the... next village.

You are lost in the dark ages, i'n't ya?

Look, I appreciate all of this, coffee

and all the chats and things, but...

- I just want to go home.

- Why?

Have you found out why you're here, yet?

No. I just wanna get back to England.

At least someone found their way home.

She's a good girl.

She lives and works here with her

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