For the first two weeks of my life, I didn't have a name.
- Dede couldn't make up her mind. - Hi, kid.
She finally decided on Fred.
She said she'd never heard of a little kid named Fred before.
When I'm dancin' at Radio City once a week, you can have fries when you want.
But right now, you gotta eat this shit.
- Yes, you do. - No.
- No? - No.
If you think I'm gonna say "choo-choo" to get you to open up your mouth...
...you got another think comin'. - Koffer.
What is with you today, huh? No koffer. That's food for you to eat, OK?
- Koffer, Mommy. - No, Fred. That's a plate. No koffer.
Look. All right? No koffer, it's a plate.
Definitely not like Matt Montini.
He's the kid I admire most.
Matt Montini is always kickball team captain.
Matt Montini always has someone to eat lunch with.
- What about Fred? - Tate's a wuss.
- What a dork! - Tate's a loser!
...that I never paid attention, that I was probably retarded...
...and that I had a very limited future as a citizen of the United States.
Then, a week later, she said I should probably skip second grade...
...maybe even skip elementary school altogether.
All I want is someone to eat lunch with.
All right. Let's all be good citizens...
...and be very, very quiet for Fred.
Oh, a visitor.
How lovely to see you, Miss Tate.
Fred and I are just getting ready to do a little duet.
The kid's got an appointment.
Then we'll just make it one quickie little verse, if that's all right with you.
- Yeah, whatever. - Fred.
that there's just too little of
- You were playing backwards again. - It's a stupid song, Dede.
Dede says I don't have a dad. She says I'm the lmmaculate Conception.
That's a pretty big responsibility for a little kid.
His allergies might be getting better, but I see no improvement in the stomach.
Has he been following the diet?
Fred just doesn't like baby food. He never liked it.
Does he like havin' an ulcer? Dede, if he doesn't follow the diet...
...he's not gonna get better. That's as simple as that.
Jeez, drink a little water, will you, Freddie?
- I spilt some. - So you did.
Why don't you wait for me at the table? We're almost through here.
I tell you, Dede...
...l've seen cops on the bomb squad with better stomachs than he's got.
- He does worry a lot. - About what?
About the world. About me.
The only thing he should be worrying about is a loose tooth.
He's got his whole adult life to be miserable.
Hey, you know what day next Saturday is?
You get your period. I spend the day alone in the park.
Very funny, lame-o. It's your birthday.
- Oh, my God. - Come on!
Hey, turn that up. It's a good one.
Wait a minute. Get your shoes on. There you go.
Getting heavy. Care to cut a rug, handsome?
Huh? Remember how I showed you?
This one calls himself Joey X but his real name is Joseph Zimmerman.
years old. Experimental painter.
He's currently working on a $ commission...
...for Hiroshi Electronics corporate headquarters in Tokyo.