Let's Kill Grandpa This Christmas

Genre: Comedy


Merry Christmas, sir.

- What can I do for you.

- The question is what we can do for you.

- We're here to introduce you

to the power of Jesus Christ.

It's only going to take a

few moments of your time.

But the benefits

shall last you all of eternity.

- Well, I appreciate that,

but I already know Jesus.

Oh, that's great!

- And Jesus and I have an understanding.

I don't f*ck with Jesus and

Jesus doesn't f*ck with me.

- Hi, Sherry.

Oh good morning, you must

be the new secretary.

- Administrative assistant.

- Oh.

- I identify as androgynous

and gender fluid.

When you refer to me, I

prefer you use the pronoun ze.

- Grab me another latte, huh, sweetheart?

Hey Carl.

- Where's Teddy?

- In Bermuda, yachting

with one of my clients.

- Why are you in his office?

- Oh shit, they didn't tell you?

- Tell me what?

- Have a seat, Carl.

When I was a boy, my father said to me,

if you win something

with bad sportsmanship,

you didn't win anything at all.

That poor bastard died a broke cuckle.

Now Carl,

you've been a valuable

asset to the company

and we really appreciate

all the things you've done

for us throughout the years.

But the company's moving

in a different direction.

- What does that mean?

- On behalf of Blumenthal,

Sanchez, and Ryan,

we're gonna have to let you go.

- You stole my clients, you

stole everyone's clients.

This breaks my heart, Carl.

You're such a nice guy.

You keep your mouth shut

about my clients, okay?

- Hello?

Hey Carl, it's Ted Levine.

Just calling you about

the interview yesterday.

- Oh yeah, hey.

Unfortunately, we've

decided we're going to move

in a different direction.

- No look, I've been out

of work for two months.

I could do anything, anything at all.

I could be someone's secretary.

I mean, administrative assistant.

Sorry Carl, I wish you the best.

- Please--

- You're such a nice guy.

- Who the hell is calling

at this hour, Carl?

- It was just a telemarketer, honey.

- Merry Christmas, Carl.







Carl, wake up!

Hello, wake up, Carl, earth to Carl!

You need to get up right

now and go to the office

because the Christmas bonus

is not delivering itself.

The final

tiara goes to Bridget.

- Hee-hee.

- Goddammit.

- I like Bridget.

- If you could only see

the dress she's wearing,

you could see she's got no class.

- She has a kind soul.

- Only you, big bro, only you.

Oh, thanks babe.

Just gotta run a quick errand.

- Here you go.

- Thanks Jen.


- Oh shit, I forgot my phone.

- Hey Carl, it's Brett, I'm

in your neck of the woods,

wanted to run something by you

before we went to Grandpa's house.

See you in a bit.

- Hey, Ray, hey.

- Hey.

- Hey, Jerry.

- Right.

- Jerry Ryan I work with--

- With Carl, yeah, yeah.

- Happy Hanukkah.

- Yeah, no, happy holidays.

- Right, I was actually just stopping by

to see the bastard now.

Is he up there?

- Oh shit, he didn't tell you?

They let him go a couple of months ago.

Yeah, they got some prick

from Harvard or Yale

doing his job at half the salary.

- Really?

- Yeah, I heard that poor

bastard ain't even found

a job, yet, man.

It's a tough market.

It's fucking dog-eat-dog.

Anyway, woof.

All right, happy holidays,

pal, happy holidays.

- Right.

- Hey honey.

- I can't find my wedding ring.

- Oh no, geez.

Well, I noticed you haven't

been wearing it lately.

Have you seen it?

- No, I, uh, no.

I mean, did you check in the jewelry box?

- Of course I checked the jewelry box.

You don't think I checked the jewelry box,

the one place the ring belongs?

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    "Let's Kill Grandpa This Christmas" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 20 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/let's_kill_grandpa_this_christmas_12486>.

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