Kung Fury

Hey, you got a permit

for those guns?

I got your permit right here.

Catchy tune.

Fuck this game.

FUCK YOU!

We need backup,

we need Kung Fury.

Yeah, that's my bicep.

One second babe.

Hello?

We got an arcade machine

down here going crazy,

it is killing everybody,

it's destruction,

chaos, terror-

What are you gonna do?

My job.

Game over.

I'm a cop and

damn good at my job.

It all began years ago.

In the line of duty,

me and my partner were

chasing down

a mysterious Kung Fu-master.

You're under arrest, punk.

Show us your hands.

Good work, Dragon.

That crazy stunt could've

killed us both.

But goddammit, you're the

best partner I've ever had.

Thanks,

I learned from the best.

You're like a father to me.

With one fatal blow,

he hit my partner.

I could tell

he was dead straight off.

Before I could pull the trigger

I was hit by lightning

and bitten by a cobra.

I blacked out.

And saw images of ancient

Shaolin temples and monks,

mastering the art of Kung Fu.

There was an ancient prophecy,

about a new form

of Kung Fu so powerful,

only one man could master it.

The chosen one.

When I woke up,

I saw the Kung Fu master

running towards me.

I could feel my body mutate

into some sort of

Kung Fu freak of nature.

You!

You are the chosen one!

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

Knuckles.

As a memento,

I put on a strip of cloth

from the dead Kung Fu master.

I decided I would use

my new super Kung Fu powers

to fight crime.

So, I became

the best cop in the world.

I became, Kung Fury.

I don't wanna hear it Kung Fury.

I just got back from city hall,

$50 million worth of damages,

and I got the mayor up

my ass like a fag on Viagra.

How am I going to explain

this to the press, hm?

You just destroyed an entire

city block for Christ's sake.

Didn't you tell me

to block it out?

I told you do it by the book.

Cut the bullshit.

Nobody else could have stopped

that arcade machine

and you know it.

Oh man, listen to me Kung Fury.

You need to start following

the rules like the rest of us,

so I'm assigning you

a new partner.

What?

Hell no, I work alone.

Not anymore you don't.

Say hi to your new partner,

Triceracop.

Very nice meeting you Kung Fury,

looking forward to

working with you.

You're like a father to me.

I work alone.

Either you team up

with Triceracop,

or you're off the case.

I'm not off the case,

I quit.

Yeah Yeah, I did the blood test.

It was positive, yeah?

What the hell

are you talking about?

Yeah no problem.

Give me the phone.

What the hell is this?

- Chief McNickles speaking.

- Is this the police?

- Yeah, this is the police.

- Fuck you!

MALFUNCTIONING?

I need someone

to trace that call!

But that's impossible!

Not for me it isn't.

Hackerman, he's the most

powerful hacker of all time.

Follow me.

I was able to triangulate

the cell phone signal

and trace the caller.

His name is Adolf Hitler.

Hitler, he's the worst

criminal of all time.

Do you know him, sir?

I guess you could say that.

In the 1940's,

Hitler was a Kung Fu champion.

He was so good at Kung Fu,

that he decided to change

his name to Kung Fhrer.

But he didn't stop there.

He knew of

the Kung Fury prophecy,

and wanted to claim the throne.

He and his posse of

Nazi soldiers

conducted experiments

for years.

But they weren't able

to figure out

how to master the art

of Kung Fury.

And one day,

he disappeared

from the face of the earth.

And no-one has seen him

ever since.

Until now.

I guess he figured if he could

find and kill the chosen one,

he would become

Kung Fury himself.

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