Knocked Up

Light your nuts on fire.

F***! F***! My hands!

Too hot for Jonah!

I got f***ing water

in my mouth!

Oh, my God!

I got to get off! I got

to get off! Got to get off!

Got to get off!

Sadie, wake up!

Oh, my gosh!

Daddy, wake up!

Okay, I'm up.

Is that my genius over here?

Is that my genius?

I need you to take the kids

to school this morning.

I would, but I'm supposed

to work out.

What?

Yeah. I got an appointment

with a trainer. I can't cancel

it now. He'll charge me.

You didn't tell me that.

Yeah, I did.

Last week I told you.

You didn't tell me.

I did. And then I wrote it

on the calendar

like you told me to.

No, you didn't tell me.

I did tell you.

Well, you didn't,

but what are we gonna do,

'cause I have an appointment?

So you're taking

the kids to school.

Don't use the baby

to cover your tracks.

I can drive them.

I'll drive them to school.

Thank you very much.

Great. Good.

You turned my sister

into a limo driver.

I don't mind.

It all worked out!

What are you giggling about?

Be quiet.

You're starting to annoy me.

Poo poo.

Ladies. Be nice.

You know what

I did the other day?

What?

I googled "murder."

You googled "murder"?

Yeah.

Why?

I mean, what did it say?

It didn't say anything.

It just showed pictures

of people lying dead

on the floor and blood

everywhere, and...

That was just ketchup.

Who wants to hear some music?

I want to hear Rent.

I want to hear Green Day!

No, we're listening to Rent!

Well, I want to listen

to Green Day.

I got your baby!

Don't taunt her. Come on.

Here.

Sadie! Why did you just

do that? Don't throw

things at your sister!

She hit me.

Did you hit her?

I did not.

Make her happy. It's okay.

It won't make her happy.

It's okay. It's okay.

She spilled all the

marbles on the floor.

Well, give her

her marble back.

All right? Are you sure

you understand

the terms of the bet?

Because this is serious.

No.

Martin, all right, listen.

You don't shave your beard

or cut your hair for one year,

and if you can do that,

I will pay your rent.

But if you shave,

then you have to pay

all five of our rents.

Thanks for

the free money, b*tch.

Hey, Martin, was it weird

when you joined the Taliban,

being American

and everything like that?

Like when you see

a woman driving a car,

do you just get pissed?

Just watch your back, Serpico.

You never know

who your friends are.

Okay, all right. You guys

can't make fun of me

the whole time.

But, Martin, it's a competition.

It's called the Dirty Man Competition.

We're gonna make fun of you

until you shave the beard.

That's the rules.

That's the whole point.

You're supposed to be

tempted into shaving.

Your face looks

like Robin Williams' knuckles.

You guys aren't allowed

to make fun of me.

It's not part of the rules.

Martin, why didn't you

just listen to me when

I was explaining the rules?

You just looked

at me with that

blank stare of yours.

It was like talking

to a wax statue.

Okay, guys, are you ready?

So, "Only at

fleshofthestars.com will

customers be able to find

"exactly how long

into what movies their

favorite stars are exposed."

Nice.

Oh, f***ing brilliant.

Pretty good, right?

Yeah. Yeah, ka-ching.

We're in.

All right, guys,

let start logging, all right?

Charles Manson?

Do you have

any other thoughts?

Good, awesome,

let's start this off

with a bang.

Jamie Lee Curtis. I got

an hour and 10 minutes

into Trading Places.

Both chesticles.

I got Julianne

"Red Beard" Moore.

Short Cuts, two hours,

Julianne Moore special.

She loves it.

I've seen that,

Rate this script:(3.50 / 2 votes)