
Knocked Up
(3.50 / 2 votes)Light your nuts on fire.
F***! F***! My hands!
Too hot for Jonah!
I got f***ing water
in my mouth!
Oh, my God!
I got to get off! I got
to get off! Got to get off!
Got to get off!
Sadie, wake up!
Oh, my gosh!
Daddy, wake up!
Okay, I'm up.
Is that my genius over here?
Is that my genius?
I need you to take the kids
to school this morning.
I would, but I'm supposed
to work out.
What?
Yeah. I got an appointment
with a trainer. I can't cancel
it now. He'll charge me.
You didn't tell me that.
Yeah, I did.
Last week I told you.
You didn't tell me.
I did. And then I wrote it
on the calendar
like you told me to.
No, you didn't tell me.
I did tell you.
Well, you didn't,
but what are we gonna do,
'cause I have an appointment?
So you're taking
the kids to school.
Don't use the baby
to cover your tracks.
I can drive them.
I'll drive them to school.
Thank you very much.
Great. Good.
You turned my sister
into a limo driver.
I don't mind.
It all worked out!
What are you giggling about?
Be quiet.
Poo poo.
Ladies. Be nice.
You know what
I did the other day?
What?
I googled "murder."
You googled "murder"?
Yeah.
Why?
I mean, what did it say?
It didn't say anything.
It just showed pictures
on the floor and blood
everywhere, and...
That was just ketchup.
Who wants to hear some music?
I want to hear Rent.
I want to hear Green Day!
No, we're listening to Rent!
Well, I want to listen
to Green Day.
I got your baby!
Don't taunt her. Come on.
Here.
Sadie! Why did you just
do that? Don't throw
things at your sister!
She hit me.
Did you hit her?
I did not.
Make her happy. It's okay.
It won't make her happy.
It's okay. It's okay.
She spilled all the
marbles on the floor.
Well, give her
her marble back.
All right? Are you sure
you understand
the terms of the bet?
Because this is serious.
No.
Martin, all right, listen.
You don't shave your beard
or cut your hair for one year,
and if you can do that,
I will pay your rent.
But if you shave,
then you have to pay
all five of our rents.
Thanks for
the free money, b*tch.
Hey, Martin, was it weird
when you joined the Taliban,
being American
and everything like that?
Like when you see
do you just get pissed?
Just watch your back, Serpico.
You never know
who your friends are.
Okay, all right. You guys
can't make fun of me
the whole time.
But, Martin, it's a competition.
It's called the Dirty Man Competition.
We're gonna make fun of you
until you shave the beard.
That's the rules.
That's the whole point.
You're supposed to be
tempted into shaving.
Your face looks
like Robin Williams' knuckles.
You guys aren't allowed
to make fun of me.
It's not part of the rules.
Martin, why didn't you
just listen to me when
I was explaining the rules?
You just looked
at me with that
blank stare of yours.
It was like talking
to a wax statue.
Okay, guys, are you ready?
So, "Only at
fleshofthestars.com will
customers be able to find
"exactly how long
into what movies their
favorite stars are exposed."
Nice.
Oh, f***ing brilliant.
Pretty good, right?
Yeah. Yeah, ka-ching.
We're in.
All right, guys,
let start logging, all right?
Charles Manson?
Do you have
any other thoughts?
Good, awesome,
let's start this off
with a bang.
Jamie Lee Curtis. I got
an hour and 10 minutes
into Trading Places.
Both chesticles.
I got Julianne
"Red Beard" Moore.
Short Cuts, two hours,
Julianne Moore special.
She loves it.
I've seen that,
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"Knocked Up" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 24 May 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/knocked_up_11948>.
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