Kindergarten Cop

Synopsis: John Kimble is a tough city cop who's been on the trail of drug dealer Cullen Crisp for years. He finally tracks Crisp down but it seems the only person that can testify against him is his ex-wife. The problem is she's disappeared and all Kimble knows is the name of the school in Oregon where her son attends. When things don't quite go to plan, Kimble finds he has to go undercover on his toughest assignment yet - Kindergarten teacher!
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Ivan Reitman
Production: MCA Universal Home Video
  4 wins & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
6.1
Metacritic:
61
Rotten Tomatoes:
51%
PG-13
Year:
1990
111 min
1,633 Views


Excuse me.

Shithead.

You shouldn't be here.

I know. Ask for

at least $1,000, okay?

I'll get as much

as I can. You hide.

His wife took his kid

and a couple of million...

and we won't

get a thousand.

All right, shut up!

Just stay outta sight, okay?

I told him

I was coming alone.

Hey, Mr. Crisp.

How's it going?

You said you had information

about my family.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Well, let's have it.

Well, it's going to cost you.

Like $1,000?

Okay, that's obviously

not my final offer.

750 would be fine.

I mean, more than fine.

Just tell me what

you have, Danny...

and I'll take

good care of you.

Okay.

That sounds fair.

I was doing a delivery

for Corky last week

out of state...

and I ran into your ex.

How'd she look?

She looked great,

Mr. Crisp. Yeah.

She changed her hair

and stuff...

but she looked like

a million dollars.

In fact, she looked like

about $3 million.

Did she see you?

No. I was

changing a tire...

and suddenly, there she was

across the street...

taking her kid

into this school.

My boy?

Looked great.

He looked very healthy.

It's a real nice, healthy place

where they're living.

It snows in winter there.

Danny...

where are they?

At the school

where I saw them...

Astoria Elementary School.

That's...

It's in Astoria, Oregon.

All right.

Did you tell

anyone else this?

No.

No way.

Hey, I'm not stupid,

Mr. Crisp.

You're not?

Danny.

Danny! No!

Danny!

Danny!

Get up!

Don't you die on me!

I didn't kill him.

I didn't kill him.

Was it Crisp?

I don't know.

I didn't see anything.

What are you doing?

Hey, hey, hey!

Stop it! Don't do that!

Don't go anywhere.

Let me go!

No! Let me off of him!

I don't like

what you've done.

I really don't like it.

It feels terrible,

and it looks dreadful.

I'm trying my best.

Maybe your best

isn't good enough.

I'm back.

Oh, great.

Well, that was fast.

It was easy.

I have some great, exciting,

wonderful news, Mother.

Oh, you always

exaggerate, Cullen.

Everything is always

great, terrific.

So, what's so great?

I just found out

where they're hiding.

Are you serious?

You really know where he is?

Manicure, Mr. Crisp?

Oh, how could I

say no to you?

Tell me.

What's happened?

Just let me

handle this myself, Mother.

I know what I'm doing.

Everything is under control.

It's all right.

I'm a police officer.

Crisp, you're under arrest.

Put your hands on your head

and get up!

Kimble, not again!

Your hands!

They're up.

When will you

leave me alone?

Drop the gun!

Drop the gun!

Hey, I'm a police officer.

This is an arrest.

This man's crazy.

Look at him.

He'll kill me.

You're just going to stand there?

Freeze!

I'm a cop, you idiots!

I'm Detective John Kimble.

This man is under arrest.

I'm checking.

You can't just walk in here

and put a gun in my face.

I'm trying to get a manicure.

I have witnesses.

I have a witness, too.

It's murder one this time.

Now you're mine.

The bastard handcuffed me

to a dead man!

A dead man!

Come on. Sit down.

Now, did Danny ever say

what Crisp's wife looked like?

No.

Did he ever say what name

she was using in Oregon?

He didn't say anything.

Look, I just

want to go home.

After the lineup,

I'll drive you home.

I'll even buy you dinner.

I'll even cook you dinner.

I'm not doing any lineup...

and there ain't jack sh*t

you can do about it!

I've been after Crisp

for four years...

and she's letting

my key witness walk away?

Kimble, sit down!

Sit down.

- Sit.

- Sit.

Now listen to me.

He killed your boyfriend.

All you have to do

is point your finger...

and we can put him away

for 30 years.

He wasn't my boyfriend.

I hardly knew the guy.

I know you're in there.

I know what you want,

but you ain't getting it.

No lineup, no testimony.

So shove your handcuffs

up your ass!

Now let me out of here!

Slow down!

Open it and let me out!

O'Hara, meet Kimble.

Kimble's been on this

a long time.

Hi.

Let me take care of Cindy.

She'll make Crisp.

I guarantee it.

What are you going to do...

handcuff her to your car

and take her for a ride?

I'm not going to offer

to cook her dinner.

Kimble, hold on a second. L...

Difficult man.

Got to get to know him.

Oh, I can't wait.

Hey, baby.

What you mean, "Hey, baby"?

Dnde vas?

Sh*t!

Oh, excuse me.

I forgot to introduce myself.

My name is John Kimble...

and I love my car.

I'll keep an eye

on it for you.

You got a beautiful ride.

Sh*t. Who does

he think he is?

He's lucky I didn't

kick his ass.

He must be trippin'.

Stop that whinin'.

'Cause you had a bad day.

If you lost some weight.

- (people gasping, grunting)

- You might get laid.

Can't take livin' nine to five.

Open up.

You can't come in.

(male singer) Come on, baby.

Thank you.

What the f*** is goin' on, man?

Holy sh*t!

All right...

party's over.

Everyone go home.

Next time, my place.

So who are you, man?

Sh*t!

I'm the party-pooper.

Hi, Cindy.

Do you mind if I sit down?

No.

Sit down, man.

Oh, it's so nice

to see you again.

What are you doing here,

you a**hole?

Cindy, I don't like you

using foul language...

not a classy girl

like you.

Don't you have

anything better to do?

You don't understand.

I have nothing else to do...

and I have nowhere else to go.

Why are you staring

at me like that?

I like you, Cindy.

I'm going to be

around you a lot...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Murray Salem

Murray Salem (January 12, 1950 in Cleveland, Ohio – January 6, 1998) from Brooklyn, Ohio was an American television actor and screenwriter. He appeared in a number of television shows as an actor, including the miniseries Jesus of Nazareth as Simon the Zealot. He wrote the script for the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger film Kindergarten Cop. Murray Salem died in Los Angeles, California on January 6, 1998 from AIDS complications, six days before his 48th birthday. more…

All Murray Salem scripts | Murray Salem Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Kindergarten Cop" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/kindergarten_cop_11821>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Browse Scripts.com

    Kindergarten Cop

    Soundtrack

    »

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.