
Kevin Hart: Seriously Funny
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2010
- 72 min
- 3,141 Views
1
Whoa!
Yeah, Cleveland.
What's up, Cleveland?
How you all feeling?
Everybody good?
Y'all good?
Everybody straight?
Cold as shit out
this bitch, ain't it?
I don't like that--
All this snow.
I don't like that shit.
Y'all got that slushy shit,
that slipping snow.
Hey, look--
God damn it.
There's slush.
Watch the slush.
I don't like that shit.
Y'all ain't supposed to
have snow out here.
I don't like that shit.
Y'all ain't supposed to
have snow out here.
Good year for y'all though.
Right now got--
Before I even get started,
shouts out to--
-
- Hey, sugar foot.
How you doing?
How you doing, sweetie?
Get it out now.
Before we get started,
shouts out to my man Shaq
The cavs.
( cheering )
My man LeBron in the house.
Shout out to our boy
LeBron in the house.
It's a good year for y'all.
A good year for y'all.
Y'all might do it.
Y'all might do it.
Y'all might do it.
Y'all might do it.
All right, y'all got me
up here for a while, all right?
And this time--
About an hour.
I'm gonna be up here
about an hour.
Now in this time y'all gonna
hear a lot of stuff.
I'm not gonna lie to y'all.
Don't judge me.
I don't want nobody
judging me.
I love to be honest
when I'm on stage.
I know-- My family, my kids.
I love to talk
about my babies.
Two babies--
Little boy and little girl.
Now I used to talk about
my son being a dumb baby.
I used to.
I'm serious, I did.
I thought my baby
was a dumb baby.
But now I've realized he's not
dumb, he just does dumb shit.
Like, I don't like the way
my son throws his tantrums.
Like, I don't like the way
my son throws his tantrums.
You know, when a baby
throws a tantrum
he's supposed to fall out,
cry, roll on the ground.
That's a tantrum.
This is not a joke,
this is for real.
This is what my son does
when he gets mad.
I'm not lying.
Don't make me laugh. Look.
This is what he do.
He goes...
This is what he do.
He go...
It's the most retarded thing
I've ever seen in my life.
I can't say nothing.
I got to wait till he's finished
then explain to people
what happened.
then explain to people
what happened.
He got an attitude
'cause he can't get no candy.
My baby is weird, man.
When he gets mad
he gets in the oven.
I swear to God.
He gets in the oven.
Then get an attitude with me
when I get him out.
Boy, get your ass
out of the damn oven.
Get your ass out of the oven
before I turn it on.
When I say that he go,
"hot. Hot.
That thing hot, daddy."
I love him
to death though, man.
Two-- A little boy
and little girl.
Now my daughter,
Two-- A little boy
and little girl.
Now my daughter,
my daughter's
a different ballgame.
My daughter's spoiled, man.
About to be five.
Spoiled. I'm not gonna lie.
I spoil her.
That's what I'm supposed to do.
She's at that age now
though where she knows.
She knows how to play me
and her mom against each other.
She knows how to make us fight.
Here's how she got me
She came in the room,
she hit me with the soft voice.
She's like, "dad,
can I have a cookie?"
I said, "yeah, baby.
Let's go get a cookie."
I start walking
towards the kitchen.
Out of nowhere
all I hear is,
"don't give her
no goddamn cookie!"
Scared the shit out of me.
I stopped.
I didn't know what it was.
I thought it was Jesus at first.
I didn't know what it was.
I thought it was Jesus at first.
I went, "why can't she
have a cookie, Jesus?
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"Kevin Hart: Seriously Funny" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 27 Feb. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/kevin_hart:_seriously_funny_11687>.