Synopsis: "Kaalakaandi" is a Marathi slang for when things go disastrously wrong. The film is a dark comedy about life, death and karma.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Akshat Verma
Production: Cinestaan Film Company



it's not an ulcer.

And because it's not an ulcer

it's also not a perforated

ulcer, obviously.

Which is what it was,

we thought, for a little while.

Okay, so that's good.

So I can stop taking that,

what's it, the Meta..


Yes. Because that was

making me really nauseous.

And the Prozoxil

Steatetramalin and the


Steatetramalin and the


Stop it. All of it. Completely.

It's stomach cancer.


- It's cancer.

Stomach cancer.

It has metastasized.

And when cancer metastasizes..


I know what metastasize means.

My father..


- How!

I've never smoked

a cigarette in my life.

I don't drink,

I've never done drugs.

I ate a brownie once..

With.. With marijuana in it,

but my friends tricked me.

I didn't know, I had no idea!

That couldn't have done it,


That was a long time ago.

No, I don't think..

You're joking, right?

- No, I wish I was.

I don't even eat butter!

That horrible tasting stuff,

what is it?

No trans-fat,

no cholesterol..

No red meat,

fish, olive oil..

That's a very healthy diet.

And lots of vegetables..

Tomatoes. Broccoli.

I'm sorry, we still don't

completely understand cancer.

Maybe, there was a

genetic predisposition..

So if I smoke now,

will it make it worse?

So if I smoke now,

will it make it worse?

No, no, not really.


- No.

All these years, I mean..

What was the point?

Whatever makes you happy, do it.

I'm going to jack off

till my dick falls off!

I'm joking.

All right.

Okay.. - I want to tell you,

I have to tell you..

It's the last stage.


There's not much time left.

How much time?

One month, two months,

six months..

I'd advise you to put

your affairs in order

meet your lawyer..

I'm a good person, you know.

All my life.

All my f***ing life!

I'm sorry.

'The patient requires..'

You want to die or what?

'Look how I deal with them!

Look at my style!'

'Do you have any doubt?'

'Take a look at my gun!

My weapon of choice!'

'I will take you to task now!'

'Do you have any doubt?'


He burst the eggs!

Both the eggs! - No, that would've

killed him! - I see.

He had to undergo a complicated

surgery to save his life.

Not there.. Take this way.

Not there.. Take this way.

Then he started practicing

with his left hand.

He is so funny!


Don't ever call him that in public.

- Really?

He's got a really bad temper.

Who asked him to practice

with a loaded gun?

But he's a lucky guy.

- Yes! Really lucky.

One ball..

Just one ball..

Look where it got him.

He was a messenger,

just like you and me.

Here, right here. He used

to drive this f***ing car.


- Yes!

He used to drive this car.

Then he became a shooter.

And then, Mr. Raza's

personal bodyguard.


The party tonight is for him.

Birthday party? - No, to celebrate

25 years of working together.

Silver jubilee.

- Amazing!

This is what you

call a blessed luck.

Don't worry, man,

our time will come.

Listen to this.

About 21 million tonnes of

wheat annually perishes in India

About 21 million tonnes of

wheat annually perishes in India

due to inadequate storage,

distribution and corruption.

That's the entire production..

That's the entire production

of Australia!

You know, the problem with

our country isn't that

we don't have enough.

It's that we don't care enough.

You know, I really

think we should go.

It's her birthday.

It'll get too hectic.

You know, you're not

the first person in the

history of the universe

to catch a flight.

21 million tonnes!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Akshat Verma

All Akshat Verma scripts | Akshat Verma Scripts

1 fan

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Kaalakaandi" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 25 Mar. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/kaalakaandi_11540>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer


    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.