Just Married

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Your attention, please. Flight 217

from Venice, Italy, now arriving at Gate 34.

Please claim all baggage

at carousel number two...

Hot! Hot!

I'll be by tomorrow for my stuff.

Oh. Call first, cos I might be

having sex with a complete stranger!

This is ridiculous.

Cheese and rice!

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

Boy, you got it in there, didn't you, honey?

Thank you so much!

I need a ride.

Get out of my way.

Ooh!

Get in!

Try and keep it on the road for a change.

- Can't you get it any closer?

- I don't wanna scratch the paint.

What do you do here, Tom Leezak?

Just open the gate, Yuan.

You and Tom not together any more.

- Just open the gate, Yuan!

- OK.

That one looks heavy.

Get that junk wagon out of here.

Right away, princess!

Not one word.

- Are Mom and Dad home?

- No, they're at the Emphysema Ball.

Don't worry, Peewee.

We'll get this Tom mess cleaned up.

Sarah...

Kyle...

Kyle.

Kyle.

OK, I'm home, so you can

leave whenever you want.

Hi! This is Tom and Sarah.

We can't come to the phone right now.

because we're honeymooning in Europe!

Send a large wedding gift,

or we won't call you back. I'm serious.

Tom, Kyle. I got your message.

I'm sorry the honeymoon sucked.

Anyway, don't wig. I set up lodging in your place.

And when you get back, we'll do some Budweiser therapy.

Hi, Sarah, it's Peter.

I thought I might catch you in.

Tom, if you're listening, buddy,

I feel your pain.

- So where you been, man? You're on in five.

- I walked over. I had to clear my head.

So? What happened?

Well, I had the perfect relationship

that was ruined by marriage.

Have you saw it, right? We were perfect

from the minute we met. Right?

Yeah. In fact, it was nauseating.

Thank you, Fred.

Blue 28! Blue 28!

Set! Hut!

I'm open! I'm open!

Football!

Oh...

Sorry!

Are you OK?

Yeah. You had nothin' on it.

Cheers, Sarah McNerney.

Cheers, Tom Leezak.

So, what do you do

when you're not Joe Montana?

I work at KNR Radio,

your traffic information station.

So I have myself a real live radio host then?

No. Someday I'll be that guy.

Sports, hopefully.

Right now, I just do spot traffic reports.

On the graveyard shift. Every other week.

When the full-time guy's sick.

- You're that Tom.

- Yeah. You actually heard me on the air?

Yeah, I called in about a week ago.

Like, 3 am.

You said the Pasadena freeway

was all clear, so I took it,

and got stuck behind a jackknifed big rig

for, like, three hours. Yeah.

Sarah from Beverly Hills.

Who called me a... fathead.

We got pretty heated.

Very heated.

So, 3 am? That's actually past your bedtime, is it?

How do you know my bedtime? I was wrapping out

an auction. I'm a gofer at Sotheby's.

Beverly Hills, Sotheby's let me guess marketing major,

Stanford. Smartypants in the front row.

- Art history major, Wellesley, back row.

- Oh, back row.

Sweet! Me too. Communications,

Burbank Community College.

- Wanna hear the fight song?

- No, thank you.

- Are you sure? I'm really good at it.

- No, really. Thanks.

That's a good choice.

McNerney.

You're not, by any chance,

the daughter of Dan McNerney,

part-owner-of-the-Lakers-and-Dodgers

McNerney?

I'll take that as a yes.

Ready to get your ass

kicked at eight-ball Leezak?

Oh-ho-ho-ho. You are dreaming, Wellesley.

I went to day care in a pool hall.

Oh. Pretty confident there, huh, fathead?

Bags, shh. Bags, shh!

- Wow.

- Yeah.

And that was it.

A month later, we moved in together.

Why the hell did we get married when we had loving

each other so completely nailed?

I don't know. Ten seconds.

Why does anyone get married?

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