Grand Canyon ain't nothin'.
Being a grandfather, or a father, now
It's just a hole, sitting
there, doing nothing.
Okay, but are you even okay without
havin' a Grand Canyon?
Or should we just kick some sand up all
over it, and fill it up like a cat box?
where Joe was left that very day.
Yo, Ebony, Ivory? You
talkin' about Joe Dirt?
a few years back.
Stayed for, it must have been a week.
Wove some bat-shit crazy tale.
Sure, you know, I'm not saying the IQ
I mean, that intellect was barely
skimming the treetops.
Now, I ain't saying that I ain't
in "agree-ence" with you.
But somewhere in there,
the speechifying you making,
it just ain't sounded right.
Hey, John C-minus Reilly.
It's not "agree-ence", it's "agreematude".
And by the way, what's with the mouth
for God's sakes?
The teeth look like a half-completed
What are you gargling with, M-80s?
for them to change color, fall out
and float down to the Grand. Who's your
orthodontist, Moe Howard with
a ball-peen hammer?
I mean, for God's sakes, man. It looks like
Willie Stargell took a bat to your mouth.
another bind here.
But, why not let the boy tell ya
his own tale, in his own way?
Let's drop that needle, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second.
That's a sweet song, I get the thematics,
but this is Joe Dirt.
we gotta go old school. Try it again, guys.
Big wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my kin
I miss "ole" 'bamy once again
And I think it's a sin
I'm Dirt. I'm Joe Dirt.
Those look like pretty comfortable
shoes you got on there.
My boots don't feel so good, but
they're, like, magical or something.
Look, cracker, don't you be talking
no Forrest Gump
Sittin' there talkin' all that honky-ass
whiney crap like,
"Mama said life is like
a box of chocolates."
Boy, sittin' next to you for even
take a shower in a bath full of Clorox.
Hey, if I said "hi" to you, you're not going
to call me, like, a dumb crap Forrest Gump
or something, will you?
Well, uh, let's play it by ear.
Are you waiting on the seven
No, I'm just waitin' for the concert to be
over, over there, yeah. I tidy up after.
- Tidy up?
- Dirty, yeah. I'm sort of, you know, a roadie.
Oh, you travel with the bands, and you
- Oh, yeah, exactly. But, no, not per se.
I don't travel with them.
Like, I clean up the poop and the barf
and things. And your occasional fart items.
And peepee, you know, whatnot.
and such. Not a roadie.
No, exactly. I don't know where
that started, yeah.
- Now we're on the same page.
- Why aren't you in there,
- watching them perform?
- Oh, uh, well,
during the concerto, if you will.
something, I get to go in and clean it up.
And I can hear a little bit.
So there are some perks.
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"Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 2 Jul 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/joe_dirt_2%3A_beautiful_loser_11342>.