Jersey Shore Massacre
I can't believe we gotta
do this sh*t, man.
This thing's been in the ground
three f***in' months.
You know what
Yeah, I know.
Stop bitching and let's
just get this thing outta here.
I remember about 10 years ago,
I had to do the same sh*t.
I almost died
from the f***ing stench.
Oh, God.
Here.
All right.
Let's do this.
Oh, f***.
out here.
Hey, Danny.
How much further?
Not far--
just keep walking.
What the f***?
What is that?
Do you think some kind
of animal or something
could have did this?
How the f*** is an animal
gonna dig a hole like that?
Louie, gimme
that flashlight.
Carmine.
What?
Come here.
Go down and see if there
is anything there.
Cock.
Thank you.
Louie, help me out.
I'm not
a f***ing kangaroo.
There ain't nothing
down here.
And I don't
smell nothing neither.
Really, Carmine?
You don't smell
a rat down there?
Big "V" sends his regards.
Louie!
Louie, Louie, Louie!
Let's bury the rat and just
get the f*** outta here.
I don't even know
where the f*** we are.
Why'd we have to come all
the way out here to do this?
We've been burying pricks
like this out here for years.
If these woods could only talk,
we'd all be in the can.
Who's over there?
Danny, look out!
Danny, no!
Aah!
That is so pretty,
you're gonna look so hot.
Pull it down, you don't wanna
give away the milk for free.
It'll get so much
lighter with the sun.
You have such a nice butt,
like J.Lo.
Right here.
Can somebody
pick up the phone?
Why don't you answer
the phone, b*tch?
Don't you dare
call her b*tch.
I'll shove
this curling iron
right up your fat
f***ing ass, b*tch.
I'll get the phone.
A Touch of Class,
Teresa speaking.
Hold on... Ricardo.
It's for you.
He says that his name
is Monty.
Ugh.
Excuse me.
Who do you think you are,
calling me at work?
Oh, no, and don't
ever call me again!
Yech!
Ay, Dios mio.
I like this outfit--
Who's Monty?
Oh, some pig I met
online last night.
We were chatting for just
to drive to his place
at 1:
00 a.m.I said, "No, you can't
just pick up the phone
"and send for me in
the middle of the night.
What do you think I am,
Pizza Slut?"
Mira, I have a picture
of the slob.
Ugh.
Is it the full Monty?
Yeah, that's the pig.
He's cute.
Should have
called me last night.
I deliver.
Listen, honey, unless
your pizza has pepperoni,
don't even bother
heating up your oven.
Come on, Dina.
I want to beat
the traffic.
All done.
Let me just
get my things.
Where the hell
are you two going?
Down the shore for a girls'
weekend of sun and sin.
Maybe the two of youse can
either drown
make it a holiday for all of us.
Heh, or who knows?
Maybe we'll find a beached
whale and name her Christy.
Oh, sounds like fun.
And while you're
looking for Mr. Right,
Dina can sample all
the Mr. Right Nows.
You said it, not me.
Whatever.
I'm out of here.
I just kidding--
you know you fabulous.
You look so pretty.
You look so good.
I tell her that
every time.
It's like
a shelf up here.
They just hold up.
I don't know
how she does it.
I made it!
Hey!
Mwah!
Hey!
Oh, you're not
working today, Gigi.
You got that right.
Oh, chica, you too?
Wait, am I the only girl
not going?
Next time, we'll
invite you, I promise.
What am I gonna
do this weekend?
Aww.
I don't know.
Maybe you should
ask Monty.
You get out of here,
you...
Good-bye.
Hello, Monty?
Yes, I'll taste
your chorizo.
Come on!
Come on, Gigi, let's go!
All right, Dina,
she's coming, she's coming.
Come on, Gigi, we want
to beat the traffic.
Okay, Seaside Heights,
here we come!
Michael, what are you
doing here?
I was just driving by, and I
saw your mother drop you off.
Where you going?
Not that it's any
of your business,
but I'm going down
the shore to see the girls.
Well, I might
be there too.
So maybe we should
all hook up.
That is so not happening,
Michael.
I just don't want you
going down the shore
with a car
full of single girls.
Would you rather I go in
a car full of single guys?
Don't be stupid, Gigi,
you know you're still my girl.
Show me a little love.
It's not happening,
Michael!
Now, go do something
with Tony and Fat Angelo,
and I'll call you
on Monday.
So it's like that?
Yeah, Michael,
it's exactly like that!
Yeah, it's like that.
Dina!
What-- he's a dick.
Dina!
Hey, f*** you,
Dina!
Yeah,
f*** all youse!
You're gonna
regret this day, Gigi.
Remember I said that.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Means drop dead!
F*** off, Michael!
What the f***, Gigi?
I don't know.
I don't know what the f***
I'm doing anymore.
I mean, one minute, I think
I love him, and then the next,
I wanna knock
his f***ing head off
and throw it in the river.
Like right now?
Yes, I think so.
But he really is sweet,
though, don't youse think?
So are you single
or what?
Yeah, right now, I am.
You don't see no f***ing ring
on my finger, do you?
No, but if you really think
that there's a chance
for you and Michael,
don't go hooking up
with every guy
in New Jersey
just to prove to yourself
you're single.
F*** you, Dina!
No, no, no, no, no--
I'm with Gigi.
Until you're married, you
do whatever the hell you want
with whoever the hell
you want,
whenever the hell you want,
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"Jersey Shore Massacre" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jersey_shore_massacre_11246>.
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