Jennifer's Body

JENNIFER'S BODY

Hell! It's a teenage girl.

I guess, I'm not excatly perfect myself.

But at least I have my fans.

I mean, I get letters every day.

Mostly from perverts and chesters,

but still...

I'm kind of the shit.

Rec time started 5 minutes ago, Needy.

Grassy-ass, Raymundo.

Sometimes the letters are from people who

say that they're praying for me.

They tell me everything will be okay...

..if I just accept Jesus Christ into my heart.

I say the words, but nothing ever happens.

Nobody comes back.

Nobody gets off the cross.

Welcome to the Mental Olympics.

They're big on recreation here.

Supposedly it help us vent

our aggressions.

Personally, I think they're trying to

wear us out.

Keep us sluggish,

so there won't be an uprising.

Well, those J.V. tactics won't work aganist me.

I'm a kicker.

K-I-C-K-E-R.

It even says so on my chart.

Just one toastem, huh?

I like toastems.

Oh, that's good.

But I'm not sure toastem can provide

sufficient energy during the day.

I recommend more complex carbohydrates...

Oh, Jesus!

I recommend you shut the f*ck up.

Alright!

I wasn't always this cracked.

I used to be normal.

Well, as nrmal as any girl...

..under the influence of teenage hormones.

But after the killings began,

I started to feel...

I don't know!

Loose around the edges or something.

Oh, God!

I hate this fucking song.

This is where it all went down.

'Devil's Kettle' sounds twisted, I know, but...

The place is just named after a waterfall.

Technically, it's not a normal waterfall.

It goes into this hole...

..and it doesn't come out.

The scientist guys dropped all kind of

things down there...

..but nothing ever surfaces.

Maybe it's another dimension.

Or, you know, just really deep.

Just two months ago,

Me, Jennifer and my boyfriend Chip were

completely normal people.

We were our yearbook pictures.

Nothing more, nothing less.

There's Jennifer.

Only back then, we were tight.

Sisters, pratically.

People find it hard to believe...

..that a babe like Jennifer would associate

with a dork like me.

Sandbox love never dies.

You're totally lesbigay.

What?

She's my best friend.

I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance

With You performed by Black Kids

I've been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl.

One! I'm biting my tongue.

Two! He's kissing on you.

Three!

Hey, Monistat.

- What's up, Vagisil?

You and me are going out tonight.

Tonight, why?

Because Low Shoulder are playing

at Melody Lane.

They're this indie rock band from the city,

I saw their MySpace page...

..and the lead singer's extra-a-a salty.

Plus, there will be lots of other salty

morsels there for you.

Come on, Needy.

I promised Chip that

I would hang out with him tonight.

Boo! Cross out Needy!

What time is the show?

I'll pick you up at 8.30.

My mom has a date with that guy

who owns the ham store.

He seems nice.

Wear something cute, okay?

- Okay.

"Little Lover's So Polite"

performed by Silversun Pickups

'To wear something cute' meant something

very specific in Jennifer-speak.

It meant like I couldn't look like

a total zero.

But I couldn't upstage her either.

I could expose my stomach,

but never my cleavage.

Tits were her trademark.

Those jeans are hella low, I can...

..almost see your front butt.

It's a rock show.

I'm in my rock look.

Well, I can see like your womb, so...

I never even heard of Low Shoulder.

Which one is Jennifer stalking?

The lead singer.

Girls like her don't go out with drummers.

Thanks a lot.

No offense, I mean,

she'd probaly make an exception...

..if you were like a drummer...

Rate this script:(2.00 / 2 votes)