JCVD

Synopsis: Between his tax problems and his legal battle with his wife for the custody of his daughter, these are hard times for the action movie star who finds that even Steven Seagal has pinched a role from him! In JCVD, Jean-Claude Van Damme returns to the country of his birth to seek the peace and tranquility he can no longer enjoy in the United States.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama
Director(s): Mabrouk El Mechri
Production: Peach Arch Entertainment/Vitagraph Films
  2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.2
Metacritic:
64
Rotten Tomatoes:
84%
R
Year:
2008
97 min
$382,923
Website
59 Views


It didn't work.

It didn't work.

In the middle there...

It's on amidst...

The window didn't

explode right...

and it is very difficult for me

to do everything in one shot.

You know, I'm 47 years old...

Just because he brought

John Woo to Hollywood

doesn't mean he can rub my dick

with sandpaper.

He still thinks

we're making Citizen Kane?

Not using a gun symbolizes

the whole purity of the character.

The purity...

This isn't about adults...

We're talking about a child,

an environment...

My client...

is aware...

of the responsibility

of raising a child.

She leads a quiet,

peaceful life.

On the other hand,

we have an actor here

who's obviously disgruntled.

Whose known past problems

I just mentioned

are less than ambiguous.

And whose entire

career experience

is with films

whose values

no responsible

aware parent

would ever want to

expose their children to,

including myself, Your Honor.

Violence...

that's all on film,

Your Honor.

The legitimacy

of violence...

How this actor

play death?

Let me count

the ways.

Mangled under the wheels

a truck...

Strangulation...

Fracturing the skull...

Taking out

"the timber log"...

They were low budgets. Every one

of my movies were having heart!

Laceration...

Crushed under

the wheels of a car...

Death by strangulation...

Crushed ribs...

I make money with this!

I feed them!

- Please be seated, Mr.

- It's not about money!

- Allez, one more! Again.

- Gauging out the eye...

Kicks to the groin...

Can I go to the

restroom, please?

Crushed under the

wheels of a truck...

Gauging out the eyes...

Crushing the skull...

Sh*t.

- Take off! Immediately! Take off!

- Allright!

See the Arab in the film?

See that beard? Ever seen one

like that on a plane or a bus?

You think I look like him?

The movie's from 1986...

Haven't you ever had an idea just

to realize you've seen it before?

Chuck Norris giving Ben Laden

the idea of 9-11, that's bull!

But Chuck Norris

works for the CIA.

Yesterday it was Schwarzy...

Seen how the Arabs in "True Lies"

get all excited like hyenas?

Action films need bad guys.

Exactly! In the 70's,

it was the Viets, now the Arabs.

Stallone in "Rambo 3",

Hauer in "Wanted: Dead or Alive",

Bruce Willis in "The Siege",

Steven Seagal in

"Executive Decision"?

And what's his name,

Mark Wahlberg who fights in Irak?

- Van Damme!

- He never hit Arabs!

Dummy, Van Damme's outside!

Hey, Mr Van Damme! Wait!

I'm a great fan of yours!

- How are you?

- Fine and you?

- What's this? Lost in Schaerbeek?

- Going to the post office.

A quick snap for the store?

Thanks, sir!

Look, it's Van Damme!

Hello!

Don't hello him.

Just take the picture.

Yeah!

Your turn, now.

Jean-Claude Van Damme!

Good?

Wait, my grandma

adores you too...

In five minutes!

Thanks, sir. Wow!

It was Jean-Claude Van Damme!

He's cool! I pictured him taller,

but he's short.

He's cool! Classy and all!

He's all tanned.

He'll be right back.

- He cured cancer or what?

- Why? Did you?

- No, but nobody kisses my ass.

- He's a star!

He left this shithole,

for Hollywood.

He fought to be

where he is now.

You've never left town!

Whether you're a star or a dog,

I don't care!

Then why are you waiting for him?

You can't park here!

He's just a regular guy.

Back off, watch my car!

Calm down, ma'am!

Move back!

I don't wanna see you around here.

- Help me, sir.

- You can't park here.

- Only 10 minutes!

- She's waiting for her idol.

- Who's the idol?

- Jean-Claude Van Damme.

- Who?

- Jean-Claude Van Damme!

Get outta here!

"Aware!"

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Mabrouk El Mechri

Mabrouk el Mechri (born 18 September 1976) is a French director, screenwriter and actor. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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