Jane Austen's Mafia!


[Man Narrating]

Life's an enigma, a puzzle...

a confusing struggle

between right and wrong,

good and evil, truth and deceit.

You could drive yourself crazy

trying to figure it out.

But I know one thing for sure:

You're just buying someone else's

headaches when you get a used car.

## [Choir]

[Blowing Raspberry]


Stop that run! Stop that run!


## [Choir Continues]


# Night and day #

# You are the one #

# Only you beneath the moon #

[Man Narrating]

Before I got myself blown up,

Anthony Cortino was one of

the most powerful men in Las Vegas.

I ran the Peppermill... the flashiest,

most profitable casino in Nevada.

Hey, Barry. Keep the car.

[Anthony Narrating]

I drove the hottest cars,

hung out with the biggest stars,

- dated the sexiest babes...

- Watch your head.

I was set.

- # Night and day #

- [Crowd, Groaning]

- # Why is it so #

- I had created paradise on earth,

and all because I ate, slept

and breathed gambling.


- Loser. Seven out.

- Stack 'em right.

I was a gambler's gambler...

a guaranteed winner.

- That's just the way it was.

- Go fish.

The Peppermill meant cash. The money was

comin' in so fast, we couldn't count it.

Watch these guys.

I think they're stealin' towels.

And it all went right

to the Family, tax-free.

- Back to yellow. You lose.

- [Crowd Groans]

High rollers, slot junkies,

vacationers from the Midwest...

all came certain they could win,

that this was their shot at a miracle.

- Place your bets.

- It's all been arranged just

for us to get your money.

Let me see, uh, two.

That's the truth about Las Vegas.

I'm sorry, I was thinking of... three.

- [Groaning]

- The Mafia is a high-overhead machine...

and somebody's gotta pick up the tab.

- House wins.

Place your bets and guess again.

- Three.

To the bosses, I was a cash register.

All they had to do was to ring

the bell and take the money.

- One, two, three, four,

and back down the chute...

- [Groaning]

Fixed fights, doped horses,

locked-in point spreads...

- I had the cake pouring in.

- [Man] Come on, baby!

But nothing brought it in faster,

and in bigger bundles, than the casino.

- [Man] I got these. You got those?

- [Man #2] I'll get those!

- [Man #2] Yeah, you get these.

All right, I got these.

- [Man] Over here.

This was the end result of all

the bright lights and glitter:

Booze, broads, and free hotel

suites for the high roller,

cheap drinks and all-you-can-eat

buffets for the everyday sucker.

The smart ones

just send us the money...

- and save on plane fare.

- # I think of you #

# Day and night #

# I said, night and day #

# Under the hide of me #

All right, move 'em out.

Let's go.

# Oh, such a hunger yearning

It's burnin' inside of me #

[Anthony] If we had our own printing

press, we couldn't have done any better.

I made the Mafia happy, and the bosses

knew just how to spread the influence.

But life is an enigma.

I never planned for any of this.

And I'll lay you eight-to-five,

when he was a kid back in Sicily,

my father, Vincenzo Cortino,

- never thought his life would

turn out the way it did either.

- # Night and day ##

[Sheep Bleating]

- [Horse Neighing, Banging]

- [Man] Vincenzo!

- [Speaking In Italian]

- [Grunting]

- Scusi.

- [Grunting, Yelling]



[Horn Honks]



[Crashing, Clattering]

## [Tango Orchestra]

## [Tango]



## [Tango Continues]

[Scratching, Music Stops]

## [Tango Continues]

## [Scratching, Hip-Hop Style]

[Vicious Growling, Fierce Bleating]

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Jim Abrahams

ames S. "Jim" Abrahams (born May 10, 1944) is an American movie director and writer. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Jane Austen's Mafia!" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 3 Aug. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jane_austen's_mafia!_11171>.

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