Jackass 3.5

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JACKASS 3.5

Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville.

Welcome to Jackass!

Thank you very much.

People are always asking me,

"Is there anything

that you just wouldn't do?"

Well, this is it.

It's the Alligator Snapping Turtle,

probably the meanest thing

I'll have ever done to my butt.

F*ck! F*ck! F*ck!

F*ck!

Don't look at him, Steve-O.

Don't look at him.

-Look at him.

-Don't look at him.

Relax, relax.

Don't look at it.

Look at it.

Shit!

F*ck! God damn it!

-F*ck!

-Relax.

-Relax!

-Relax. Just relax.

-Hold your ground.

-Okay.

-F*ck, that must hurt really bad.

-Shit.

-F*ck.

-Are you okay?

-Mama.

-F*ck.

Okay, now he's just no

gonna fucking let go?

I knew this was fucking gonna happen!

He's not letting go!

-Shit.

-Relax. You need to relax.

F*ck!

-The turtle's the problem.

-I'm relaxed! Shit!

This would be horrifying if...

-Relax.

-Relax.

-Okay.

-Relax?

-Who could relax?

-I'm just gonna...

You son...

Jeez, relax, relax.

-Shit!

-Hold it together. Don't pull.

-Don't pull.

-Don't pull.

-It doesn't wanna let go.

-God!

-Oh, my God.

-F*ck!

That was horrifying.

Wow.

-Get him out of here.

-Son of a bitch!

Oh, my God.

He got you good.

Yeah.

There's a reason why I turned that down

for so many years.

I can't see anything!

-Spread your legs.

-Let go. Let go. Drop.

You're good.

You all right?

You want a donut?

This is Barrel Surfing.

Big-barrel surfing's for macho jerks

with a death wish.

No, it's not. It's the ultimate thrill,

the ultimate rush.

Even more than sex.

Well, that depends

on who you're doing it with.

That was pretty good.

Hold them!

I think Bam was great

at it the first time,

and now Dunn's stepped in

to up the failure rate

to an all-time high.

Oh, my God.

I've got a pile of shit in my nose.

I'm Ryan Dunn. This is face surfing.

That scene done yet?

Being on set is 50% fun as hell,

and the other 50%

is just pure anxiety, paranoia...

-Jesus.

-Oh, God.

The only thing I care about

is that it's fucking wet down here.

Shooting a Jackass movie,

it seems super fun,

but it's actually hell

because everyone

is trying to get everyone.

In particular, me, because I've been

a dick to everyone the whole time.

It gets very tense on set

when we're filming Jackass.

You're always

looking over your shoulder.

You just know something horrible

is gonna happen to you.

And it's not like it might. It will.

It's a snapping turtle on a stick.

Fucking with Ehren

is the best thing ever.

Where's he at right now?

I wanna pee on him or something.

Ehren's in there sleeping.

We got Ghetto Defibrillators.

Clear!

F*ck you!

I was worried about you.

Didn't know if you'd died.

I know. You were in here

snoring for three hours, dude.

We didn't know if you'd died.

It's all right. We're doctors.

You guys are dicks.

Can't somebody sleep a little bit

around here?

No. That's the whole point.

Sure, you can sleep.

You know that if you're being pranked,

if it's a good prank,

it's gonna end up in the movie.

And footage is footage.

But definitely, tensions get hot.

And you never know what's gonna happen.

He's not anywhere near you.

He's hiding behind a motherfucking

chain-link fence.

A chain-link fence.

That's worse than this.

He's gonna fucking try

and Rocky my ass right now.

Hey, hey!

Guys, stop.

Stop.

Stop, stop, stop. Come on.

It's cool. Come on.

-What was the name of that bit?

-Chill.

I don't know.

-"Fighting Each Other"?

-"Fight!"

I'm telling you,

it's nerve-racking, dude.

You gotta let out some aggression.

Man, it is nerve-racking as hell.

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