Jack and Jill

Synopsis: Jack Sadelstein is a successful advertising executive in Los Angeles with a beautiful wife and kids, who dreads one event each year: the Thanksgiving visit of his identical twin sister Jill. Jill's neediness and passive-aggressiveness is maddening to Jack, turning his normally tranquil life upside down.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Dennis Dugan
Production: Sony Pictures
  14 wins & 5 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
91 min

And we were born

on September 15...

And... And she's the older...

Older twin.

I'm older by 10 minutes.

She's... Ten minutes.

Cause she had

an umbilical cord

wrapped around her neck.

And she, like, shoved me in

there and wouldn't let me out.

I was, like, kicking her in,

shoving her more in my mom,

so that's why she came

out, like, later. Yeah.

And... She came out

the bigger twin, too.

Well, I came out a pound

heavier than Kara,

so that's why

I'm an inch taller now.

She's always been,

like, a pound heavier.


So, yeah, it's... You know,

I love being twins, man.

It's, uh...

It's basically like you

have a bag of spare parts.

Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's, like, I need a

kidney down the road,

I know he's got one,

so I'm always like,

"Hey, stay healthy, dude.

Eat right."

When we were kids, we had

our own secret language

that only me and my

brother understood.




I guess, when we were kids,

we thought we were whales.

Like, when things are bad,

we don't really got to say

anything to each other.

We just make these sounds.

It's like...

So, I just graduated

from Harvard,

and I'm starting a new job

at a law firm

in Southern California,

so I'm really happy about that.

And I got a job at Hooters.

I'm happy, too.


Being a twin is like

being a married couple,

and you can't divorce her.

Even, like! I mean, I love

her when we're together.

Well, actually, more so

when we're distant.

She loves nature, like me.

She loves donating her

time to charities.

And she loves eating healthy,

so that's awesome.

She's my best friend.

My best friend is my boyfriend.

They say we're young

and we don't know

We won't find out

till we grow

Well, I don't know

if all that's true

'Cause you got me

and, baby, I got you


I got you, babe

I got you, babe

I got you, babe

And when I'm sad

You're a clown

And if I get scared

You're always around

So let them say

your hair's too long

'Cause I don't care

With you I can't go wrong


I got you, babe

I got you, babe

Pepto-Bismol, take 43.

And action!

Please, why do I have

to have such diarrhea?

You need to drink the pink.

Hold it. Cut! Cut! Jack!

What is he doing?

Jack, are you watching this'?

What do you mean, "Cut", man?

I... I got to be at

Sesame Street by 1:00.

Hey, hey, hey, Reeg, do

you really have diarrhea?

'Cause you lost weight

or something.

Why does the stomach

have all the good lines'?


"Drink the pink." That's funny.

I'm sorry, Jack.

The Dunkin' Donut people

want to talk to us.

Okay, well, I got to

Regis, it's going to be fine.

Yeah, and you'll take

care of that, and, uh...

Thank you very much.

I didn't need that, but cool.

I got some bad news.

We may lose Dunkin' Donuts.

What do you mean "lose"?

They didn't like our pitches?

They want Al Pacino.

Al Pacino to do a commercial?


The Godfather Al Pacino?

They got this new coffee

drink, the Dunkaccino.


Dunkaccino, Al Pacino,

they sound alike.

Yes. Well, they think

it'll be a home run.

Of course

it would be a home run

if he would ever do it,

which he won't.

Yeah, well, never say never.

Remember, you didn't think

we could get Brad Pitt

to do that Radio Shack


I was right.

Well, you can't be

right all the time.

Uh-huh. Look, bottom line,

they're going to give us one month to

make this whole Pacino thing happen,

or they're going

to go elsewhere.

We can't lose Dunkin' Donuts.

They're our biggest client.

Damn it.

We're going to go

bankrupt, buddy.

And we have 200 employees

Rate this script:5.0 / 4 votes

Steve Koren

Steve Koren is an American screenwriter. He co-wrote the movies Bruce Almighty, Click, Superstar, and A Night at the Roxbury, and wrote for Saturday Night Live and Seinfeld. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Jack and Jill" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 10 Dec. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jack_and_jill_11094>.

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