I Love You, Beth Cooper

Synopsis: When Dennis Cooverman gives the commencement speech at his graduation, his friend tells him to let it all out. So he proclaims his love for Beth Cooper the head cheerleader, and says things about everyone in the graduating class as well as some other people. Later Beth confronts him and he invites her to a graduation party at his house. And to his surprise she and two of her friends show up. But also some of the people he offended with his speech, who want to tear him apart. And one of them is Beth's boyfriend whom she just broke up with. So they all get in Beth's car and drive away. And what follows is a wild adventure.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Chris Columbus
Production: 20th Century Fox
  1 win & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
5.3
Metacritic:
32
Rotten Tomatoes:
14%
PG-13
Year:
2009
102 min
$14,800,000
Website
143 Views

(GUITAR PLAYING)

GIRL (SINGING):

Forget me. You're on your way

We don't have to stay in touch

We may remember someday

Till then it doesn't matter that much

Someday I'll have to wonder

And dreams may cloud the truth

But if you promise me

I promise I'll never forget you

Forget the tears we cried

Forget the good times too

Forget the pain inside

RICH:

You will never see her again.

(SPEAKS IN SPANISH)

Dude, after graduation, she'll be

gone until like the tenth reunion...

...if you both even live

that long.

And she'll be so very pregnant by

then, baking someone else's DNA.

And she'll have this, like, big,

pregnant cow grin on her face.

She won't even remember

who you are.

Well, I sat behind her

in almost every class.

- Behind her.

- Shh.

Behind her.

She never saw you, dude.

You don't give this big speech

at graduation, you don't exist.

No, Denis, if you... If you don't

do this... If you don't do this...

(AS HUMPHREY BOGART)

"You'll regret it.

Maybe not today,

maybe not tomorrow, but soon...

...and for the rest of your life."

What are you talking about?

(IN NORMAL VOICE)

Come on, it's Casablanca, 1942...

...Michael Curtiz, director.

- Bogart, dude!

LIBRARIAN:
Shh.

Seriously?

(WHISPERING)

Bogart.

(GUITAR PLAYING)

Thank you, Angelica.

It's Angelica. Whatever.

Angelica.

Thank you for that rousing

rendition of "Forget Me."

Next, and finally,

your valedictorian...

...Denis Cooverman.

(CLEARS THRO AT)

Today we look forward.

Look forward to getting out of here.

(CHUCKLING)

Heh, heh, heh.

But today, I would also like

to look back...

...Iook back on our four years here

at Buffalo Glenn High School...

...Iooking back not with anger...

...but with no regrets.

No regrets for

what we wanted to do...

...but did not...

...what we wanted to say...

...but could not.

And so I say here today...

...the one thing I wish I had said...

...the one thing I know I will

regret if I never say:

I love you, Beth Cooper.

(STUDENTS MURMURING

INDISTINCTLY)

(WHISPERING)

He likes you.

I have loved you, Beth Cooper...

...since I first sat behind you in Ms.

Rosa's math class in the 7th grade.

Heh.

I loved you when I sat behind you

in Seor Weidner's Spanish...

...and Ms. Calumet-Hobey's

Literature of the Oppressed.

I loved you from behind...

(PEOPLE GRO AN)

...in Biology, History, and,

yes, Practical Science.

I loved you, but I never told you

because we never spoke.

Unbelievable.

But now I say it, with no regrets.

I love you, Beth Cooper.

And so let us all say the things

that we longed to say...

...but our tongues would not.

Let us be unafraid to admit:

"I have an eating disorder,

and I need help."

Let us confess:

"I'm a stuck-up bitch...

...because deep down,

I believe I am worthless."

Let us declare:

"I'm a big, dumb moron.

I'm a big old asshole who

beats up on other kids...

...because I was unloved

as a baby...

...or was sexually abused

or something.

I am sorry for the cruel swirlies...

...the pink bellies...

...the purple nurples."

And let us, no, let all of us vow:

"When I graduate, I'm not gonna keep

hanging around my old high school...

...like some kind of creepy loser...

...who can't get an adult girlfriend."

You know who you are. You.

(PEOPLE MURMURING

INDISTINCTLY)

And, yes, let us not regret...

...that we never told

our own best friend:

"I'm gay, dude.

I'm totally gay."

(MOUTHING)

I'm not gay.

DENIS:

Yes.

Indeed. Let us all...

Thank you, Denis.

Food for thought.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Wow.

(CHATTERING)

(CHATTERING)

MAN:

Perfect.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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