I'll Be Home for Christmas

---

Hey, James.

12-32-14!

Jake, thank God, let me out.

Did you get my mail?

Math test.

A minus.

You made it look just good enough.

Did you score me

backstage passes to Dave Matthews?

That's my man. All right.

12-32... what was that last number

again? 168?

14, Jake.

All right, calm down, I got you.

Thanks.

-You're welcome.

Ian, what is the deal with you being

sardined into your locker again?

Eddie Taffett

and his troglodyte trio.

They're bugged

about the phoney lDs we sold.

l'll take care of them later.

Get on the net.

Change that ticket my dad got me

to New York

and book two seats to Cabo San Lucas.

Will you be taking Allie?

-Working on that now.

Morning, ladies.

Do those things work?

-Yeah, wanna see?

No, it's OK.

Zone defence? Guess l'm not

going to be able to get in.

Unless... What's this?

Cherry crunch?

-Would I bring you anything else?

l'm sure that tastes good here.

lt would taste better someplace else.

What are you doing here?

You said you wanted to see what it

would be like to wake up next to me.

Oh, good line.

Premeditated or spontaneous?

Totally off the cuff.

l was inspired by the lovely sight

of you drooling.

l wasn't drooling, I was sleeping.

Sleeping?

l can't sleep, l've got to study.

You were studying subliminally.

You were absorbing it off the page

through osmosis.

Give me that.

Look, my final is in three hours.

You're here, just distracting me,

so get out of here.

No problem. Suit yourself.

l just wanted to let you know

there's a freak storm. Snowing.

Snowing?

We're in southern California.

lt's not...

My God.

lt's snowing.

Jake, you lunatic.

Where did you get a snow machine?

lt's a white Christmas,

just like home.

And here's a little Christmas cheer.

Egg nog?

My mother makes this from scratch.

And one more thing.

More? Do I detect

an overage of niceness going on here?

Just read it.

Two tickets to Cabo San Lucas,

Christmas on the beach.

Amazing.

-I knew you'd be...

Pissed.

This is the most inconsiderate thing.

l have plans

that are important to me.

lt's not like l'm asking you

to sleep in a Porta Potti.

A condo overlooking the ocean.

Forget it. You know I am driving home

to visit my family.

Tell them what I told my dad.

You're gonna be in the gym

for the next two weeks

in preparation for Ultimate Fighting.

That's what you told him?

-Sure.

When he found out I wanted

to stay here, he was relieved.

But I want to go home.

l want a traditional Christmas

with snow and stockings

and egg nog and carollers.

l thought we could have fun

this Christmas.

You thought that you could have fun.

But what about everybody else?

Mom and Dad would be crushed

if I didn't come home.

What about your dad

and your sister and Carolyn?

Bringing up my dad's new wife

drains me of my Christmas spirit.

All l'm saying is, don't you think

it's time you went home?

Hey, there. Looking good today.

Thanks, Eddie,

you're looking nice today, too.

l'm not talking to you, Wilkinson.

Allie, what perfume

are you wearing today?

Excuse me?

l got three words for you.

New. Car. Smell.

lt would smell so good on you.

Come here and check it out.

l got one word for you. Beemer.

Stand away from the vehicle.

You got to be kidding me.

So it's Disco lnferno Night

at the Viper Room, right?

lt's me and the Murph Man

and the Ed Man and the Ken Man.

We were waiting in line

for half the night.

The bouncer finally gives us

the nod.

We go over there

and debut our brand-new lDs.

The dude goes...

-Bye-bye.

No one says bye-bye

to the Brandt Man.

Fellas.

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