Hunter Gatherer

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1

Yo, what up?

Man!

Man, you know who this is.

No, it's Ashley.

Yeah, yeah, got back

this morning.

I'm having a bunch of people

over to my mama's place tonight.

You gotta come.

That's so nice.

Huh?

Man, you're the first

flyswatter I called.

Come on, man,

we gotta get it started.

Don't apologize to me.

You're the one who's gonna

be missing all the ruckus.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, gimme a call.

Later.

Hey, Trev, what's happening?

It's Ashley.

Douglas.

You wanna come over

to my mom's house?

Well, it's kinda like a party.

Just a couple of people,

not too much.

Yes, you wanna come over?

No, don't even sweat it.

What are these?

Presents.

Why are you giving me presents?

We're not having

a birthday party.

Oh, shut up.

What is this for?

So you'll look nice in them.

Mom, where are my old clothes?

Where are they?

Oh, they were all gross

and in my way.

Mom, you threw away my clothes?

Yo, Tommy! It's Ashley.

I'm having some people over

tonight, if you wanna come over.

No, I don't care.

If you've got better things

to do, that's cool.

Come on, man,

I just got back today.

It's like a party, a good time.

Come on.

Now, you owe me.

And you can never come over to

my mom's house again, all right?

You got it?

You are officially banned

from the premises.

Mom.

This ain't a birthday party.

I know that.

Then why are you putting

candles on the cake?

Candles are for celebrations.

I'm not going to blow them out.

- Hello, Ms. Dottie.

- Ashley?

When did you crawl out

of your hole?

Why don't you try

being more positive?

Hold up!

You going to come up in my house

and tell me I'm the one

who needs some positivity?

You need a brain operation.

Your booboo's back.

No. Mm-mm.

What d'you think,

you can come back here

and have me again?

You don't get the hint

when I don't pick up the phone?

I have caller ID, you know?

Look, I just wanted

to let you know

that your baby boy

is back from his vacation.

What you really want, trump?

Hey, don't call me that.

Hey, can Dottie go back

on the side?

- Um.

- Gotcha.

Linda, I thought

about you everyday.

So?

I dreamt of your face

every time I closed my eyes.

I was hoping

you thought of me, too.

I'm back now, so we can finally

have some secret intimacy.

I'm not interested in any type

of intimacies with you.

I can't understand why

you feel this way, Linda.

What did you expect,

I was gonna be like,

"ooh, ash, now I ain't seen

or heard from you in forever.

"I want you back"?

I was just hoping you'd be

happy to see me, that's all.

Happy to see you?

You know, all this time

you've been gone,

all this time, and I didn't

hear a word from you.

You didn't write me

a letter or nothing.

You don't know what

it's like in there...

Let me tell you what it's like.

When you're in love with someone

and you're away from them,

you write them a letter

to tell them how much

you care about them.

You sit down with a pencil

and some paper

and you put into words

what you feel.

You're supposed to learn this

like, in the third grade,

but apparently, you didn't,

because you were gone

for forever

and I didn't hear a peep.

I've moved on.

I've got a man.

Yes, she does.

And I don't have time

to be moving backwards in life

with somebody who is dumb

and always broke.

Who's your new man, anyway?

Dwayne.

Dump truck Dwayne,

the garbage man?

He may be a garbage man,

but he is good to me.

You'd choose

the garbage man over me?

What did I ever do to deserve

this type of treatment?

What did you do?

Do you want a list?

Okay, how about the time

you tricked me

into paying for your

other girlfriend's abortion?

Are you going to bring that up?

You're talking about the past,

I'm talking about the future.

I'm talking about you and me.

I'm talking about telling

the universe what you want

and getting it.

I'm talking about

the power of positivity.

You are so boring.

You can leave now.

Okay, bye-bye.

Okay, you can be like this now?

But when dump truck Dwayne up and

leaves you for someone prettier,

you're gonna be looking for me.

You're gonna hunt me down.

Okay, Ashley, you go ahead

and think positive.

Don't you be digging up my yard!

Mom, you haven't

seen it, have you?

My toolbox.

I ain't seen nothing,

but you digging up my grass.

Why don't you

make yourself useful

and do something I need?

Like get rid of that old fridge?

Mom, I can't move no fridge.

Hey! Do you all need

a ladder up in there?

It's a good deal.

Nah, we're good.

Hey!

Hey, you guys!

Want a good deal on a ladder?

We don't buy no

stolen goods, man!

For you information,

my mother gave me this ladder.

Thank you.

Nice tall woman.

Can I interest you in a ladder?

Are you in need of a ladder?

I'll help you.

Lower it down.

What is this,

a machine or something?

Something like that.

A respirator.

What does it do?

Nothing right now,

I got to get it fixed.

Thanks for your help, though.

Yeah, no problem.

What's your name?

Germs.

Germs?

Man, I'm not calling you, germs.

- What's your real name.

- Jeremy.

Nice!

Hey, you need a ladder?

No, I'm good.

Right on, though.

Yeah.

No problem.

Hey Jeremy, I need a favor.

What are you doing?

This your pickup?

It's my granddad's.

'Cause I was thinking,

since I helped you,

maybe you should give me a hand.

I would. Got somewhere

to be right now, though.

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