Horror Express

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(Saxton) The following report

to the Royal Geological Society

by the undersigned, Alexander Saxton,

is a true and faithful account

of events that befell

the Society's expedition in Manchuria.

As the leader of the expedition,

I must accept responsibility

for its ending in disaster.

But I will leave to the judgment

of the honourable members

the decision as to where the blame

for the catastrophe lies.

(Man whistling)

(Wind whistling)

(Train whistle)

- I'm sorry, there isn't a seat left.

- My name is Saxton, Alexander Saxton.

If you will check, you will find the telegram

I sent you three weeks ago

instructing you to reserve accommodation.

- (Phone ringing)

- There's nothing I can do.

Hello? Yes.

Well, well, look who's here.

Professor Saxton, I presume?

- Doctor Wells.

- And what are you doing in Shanghai?

- I might ask you the same thing.

- I'm just collecting a few specimens.

Miss Jones, let me introduce

Professor Alexander Saxton.

He dabbles in fossils and bones.

Glad to meet you, Professor.

Miss Jones has been assisting me.

Bacteriology, excellent technician.

(Chuckles) For a woman, he means.

(Speaks Chinese)

Excuse me.

Two private compartments to Moscow,

if you please.

- Two, you say? Will that be all?

- And three crates of animals.

- Impossible.

- I know I'm asking you to perform miracles.

But perhaps this will help.

Thank you.

It's called "squeeze" in China.

The Americans call it know-how.

And in Britain, we call it bribery and corruption.

Now, sir, excuse me.

You! Get out!

Halt! Sir Alexander Saxton?

- Yes.

- Captain 0'Hagan, sir.

General Wang told me to find you

and to make myself useful.

Um... um... now I remember!

I do have Your Excellency's ticket.

- Your... your ticket, right here.

- Thank you.

(Chanting)

And the Lord have mercy on his soul.

Not that he deserves it, the dirty thief!

You have his things?

- You knew him?

- Krasinsky, the locksmith?

He could open any trunk with a hair pin.

A thief? But he was blind!

Blind?

He could spot the police well a mile away.

I'll be dammed.

The work of the devil!

Can I be of any assistance, Father?

- This is yours?

- It is, but I demand an explanation.

Whatever you have here is unholy

and must be destroyed.

Inspector Mirov.

What is in there, Excellency?

Fossils.

What is a fossil?

A stone.

Stones?

There wouldn't be something valuable

in there like gold?

Gold?! It's a laboratory specimen.

No value to a thief.

Where there is God...

there is always a place for the cross.

Even on this stone floor, just so.

But Satan is evil and where evil is,

there is no place for the cross!

- Rubbish! A conjurer's trick. Captain.

- Yes, sir.

You get your men to put the crate on the train.

Ready?

Lift it up. 0ff you go.

(Bells tolling)

- Where is crate C?

- It's over there, sir.

Be careful with this one.

Follow me!

(Snarling)

(Engine whistling)

What are you going to astound

the scientific world with this time?

You'll read about it

in the Society's annual report.

- It's a remarkable fossil.

- Fossil?

But you've got something live. I heard it.

- You're mistaken.

- You won't need to feed it, then?

The occupant hasn't eaten in two million years.

That's one way to economise on food bills.

Baggage man.

- Alinka, what's the matter with you?

- Yes, Countess?

- You have a safe for valuables?

- Yes, Countess. I shall make out a receipt.

Excuse me.

Alinka's afraid of something.

What do you have in that crate?

Normally she likes Englishmen.

- All we Poles do.

- I am honoured, Madame.

Queen Victoria, crumpets, Shakespeare.

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