Honeymoon in Vegas

Synopsis: On her deathbed, a mother makes her son promise never to get married, which scars him with psychological blocks to a commitment with his girlfriend. They finally decide to tie the knot in Vegas, but a wealthy gambler arranges for the man to lose $65K in a poker game and offers to clear the debt for a weekend with his fiancée. Suddenly the man is insanely jealous, and pursues his fiancée and her rich companion, but finds pitfalls in his path as the gambler tries to delay his interference.
Director(s): Andrew Bergman
Production: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
  Nominated for 2 Golden Globes. Another 2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
96 min

- How's my mother doing?

- Not so good today.

Why weren't you in here before?

- The doctor said...

- Screw the doctor.


- You should save your strength.

- Jack, if I go...

Mom, you're not going to go.

If I go, I want you

to make me a promise.

- Say, "I promise. "

- I promise.

That you'll always love me.

Of course, Mom.

And you'll never get married.

Mom, no, no.

I can't promise that.

No girl could love you like I did, Jack.

You'll be unhappy. Don't do it.

Mom, don't say that.

Promise me, Jack. Never.

Mom, that's a huge thing to ask.

Mom... Mom!

Mom! Mom!

Mom, come back!

I promise I won't get married!

That's Mrs. Lupo

with the cable installer.

I'm Jack Singer, and I was hired

by Mrs. Lupo's paranoid husband,

who turned out

not to be so paranoid.

I feel for the guy. I really do.

I feel for all these people,

men and women,

the cheaters and cheated on,

sneaking around hotel lobbies

looking over their shoulders.

I'm sorry, but they only confirm what

my crazy mother said about marriage:

That it's a disaster waiting to happen.

Although my job can get depressing,

at least it's not dangerous,

and I do hear some great stories.

My wife is having an affair

with Mike Tyson.

"Mike Tyson" Mike Tyson?


That's her. That's Millie.

Well, she's a beautiful girl.

- When I think of the two of 'em!

- All right. Calm down. Calm down.

Let's just think this through.

Now, my first question, obviously:

- You've seen them together?

- What?

You've seen them together?

Your wife and Mr. Tyson?

- You don't believe me either!

- Of course I believe you.

- I just need a place to start.

- Everybody thinks I'm nuts!

The guys at the plant. Everybody.

They tell me she's sneaking with

Freddy Ramirez at the Sunrise Motel,

but I know it's the champ.

She wouldn't cheat with a piece of sh*t

like Freddy Ramirez,

beautiful girl like that.

I'm sure you're right.

Don't get me wrong, OK?

But, hey, for openers, let's say

I follow this Ramirez around...

Make sure it's not him.

- You're all the same.

- Mr. Tomashefsky.

- Nobody believes me.

- Don't just take off.

I'm sure it's hard to talk about,

but I'm a good listener!

Mr. Tomashefsky!

- Leave me alone!

- Hi, Bob.

It's not glamorous work,

that's the bottom line.

So why am I

telling you all of this?

Because I do have

an amazing story to tell

about me and my girlfriend,

Betsy Nolan.

She teaches second grade

at the Skelton School in Manhattan,

and she's the love of my life.

- I just haven't been able to marry her.

- Milton moved out?


I had ordered Chinese,

and he says, "Chinese again?"

Then he comes out

with his suitcase already packed!

I know David's been very quiet.

I thought that something was wrong.

Listen, Judy, if there's

anything that I can do...

Thanks. I thought it was important

that you know.

I'm so sorry.

- Bye, David.

- Bye.

- See you tomorrow, OK?

- OK.

- Bye.

- Come on, sweetie.

- I was in the neighborhood.

- What a nice surprise.

Oh. Forgot about that.

Tough day, huh?

It's so awful. And besides David,

they have a two-year old.

- That's my point.

- About what?

People get married, and then they do

the most hideous,

unbelievable things to each other.

Not all people. Come on, Jack.

That's your mother talking.

- I dreamt about her again last night.

- Was she naked again?

Hey, I only had one dream

where she was naked.

- She was vacuuming.

- Still...

It wasn't sexual.

It was about cleanliness.

She's so great.

When I play poker,

she helps with the food,

and she's funny with the guys.

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Andrew Bergman

Andrew Bergman (born February 20, 1945) is an American screenwriter, film director, and novelist. New York magazine in 1985 dubbed him "The Unknown King of Comedy". His best known films include Blazing Saddles, The In-Laws, and The Freshman. more…

All Andrew Bergman scripts | Andrew Bergman Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Honeymoon in Vegas" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 8 Dec. 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/honeymoon_in_vegas_10129>.

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