Hit and Run
CHARLES:
You're notconcentrating. I can tell.
You're thinking
about e-mails or text
messages or handbags.
ANNIE:
You don't know that.You don't know what
I'm thinking about.
(WHISPERING) Lautner.
Okay, I might not
know the specifics
but I know it's some
kind of useless racket
that's keeping you
from concentrating.
I could be
thinking about
the cure for cancer.
In fact,
I may have
just cracked it.
And now you're trying
to get me to erase it
from my hard drive.
You couldn't
cure a UTI
if you owned
a cranberry farm.
(GASPS)
Hey! I have never had
Oh, really?
No, I have not.
And you've never
had HPV either?
No!
All right.
No human papillomavirus?
Watch your mouth!
Hey!
Watch your mouth.
I smack too.
I was vaccinated.
I was vaccinated.
'Cause, unlike you,
I was born after
the polio vaccine.
What are you talking about?
I am five years
older than you.
How do I know that?
I see no
documentation of that.
For all I know you're 45.
Listen to me!
I am 35 years old. Okay?
You're 45! You're gray!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Buddy, don't grab my hair.
It's thin.
I don't like when
you pull my hair.
Then let go of my wrist.
Okay.
On three.
Truce? Okay.
Three, two, one.
One, two, three.
Okay. Don't grab my
hair again, okay?
Okay. Well, then
don't hold me down.
It makes me self-conscious.
That's my only way
to defend myself.
Will you please concentrate?
Yes.
Okay.
That's it.
Take three deep breaths.
(INHALING)
This is the only moment
you need to be worried about.
There's no yesterday.
There's no tomorrow.
There's just right now.
You're not
late for anything.
And you're not
gonna miss anything.
You're exactly where
you're supposed to be.
And you're exactly who
you're supposed to be.
You're absolutely perfect.
is exactly what's
supposed to happen.
And if you want
I'll spend
every moment with you
for the rest of your life.
Okay, I want.
You're gonna have
a wonderful day today.
You don't have to be
nervous about anything.
Okay, I'm not.
You promise?
Yeah. Thanks, buddy.
You're so
terrible on the eyes.
I don't know why
I share a bed with you!
You're disgusting!
RANDY:
That's a lot!That's a lot of space.
Forget it. I've got a friend.
Hey, you!
'Cause I've got to
pick him up. We've got
a meeting in town.
I thought I'd
swing by and grab him.
Yeah, he's inside.
Right.
You doing all right?
Yeah.
Yeah, good!
Are you okay, Randy?
No. No. Why?
Why? What's wrong?
You're just a little sweaty.
But it's not a big deal.
Okay, well, I'm sorry.
That happens.
I hate it.
You don't need to apologize.
Okay.
Okay.
Bye, Randy.
You too!
Yes. I'll do that. I'll...
Someone's calling.
Hold on, hold on.
Just a second.
God damn it!
Son of a b*tch.
Damn it!
Damn it!
Oh, sh*t! F***!
Hey. Hey. No!
F***! No! No!
Oh! Oh! No! Kids!
(SCREAMING)
Oh, God!
(SHOTS FIRING)
What the f***!
Mom!
Oh, no! Kids!
Mom!
RANDY:
No!(SCREAMING)
When I tell you
to stay in park
you f***ing stay in park!
You stay in park
or I will break you!
Hear me?
CHARLES:
Hey!What are you doing?
What the f*** are
you doing, Randy?
Nothing!
What do you mean nothing?
I look out my window
and you're
ghost riding your van
in the backyard, man!
You're blasting
holes in everything!
Shut the f*** up, Charlie!
Shut the f*** up!
I'm sorry, ma'am.
Wait! Let me get
my badge! Don't worry!
No! Don't go anywhere!
I got my badge!
This car is malfunctioning!
CHARLES:
Randy!You blew her window out!
You've got to be
more careful than that!
Would you shut the f*** up?
lady what happened!
Hey! Why don't you
explain to me, man?
It's my yard
you're driving through!
You're assaulting
a minivan with a firearm?
Jesus, Randy!
I had a f***ing accident!
Okay? I had
a f***ing accident!
All right? I'm embarrassed!
Okay? Are you happy?
I spilt my coffee
all over me!
Listen, I didn't know
you spilt your coffee, okay?
Yeah, it spilt on
my shirt and on my pants!
I'm sorry.
Listen, it's all right.
Are you okay?
Yeah. I think so.
So you spilt your coffee?
Yeah. I spilled it on
my shirt and on my pants.
And then you fell
out of your van?
Or were you
firing first and
then you fell out?
I don't want to
talk about it out here.
Okay.
Okay.
You want to come inside?
Get me out
of this yard, man!
You were really
firing that gun, man.
Okay. Next subject.
Hi, Annie. Take a seat.
I'm just finishing this up.
Thanks.
Oh, take your time.
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
What's that?
Uh, I was just taking
a couple of deep breaths.
Someone recommended
I try it when I'm nervous.
You know what else works?
Xanax. Oh. It's so good.
All benzos, really.
But that one works
extremely well.
Very fast-acting.
Huh? I never take Xanax.
Well, you should
really try it.
If you mix it with
wine or beer it sort of
supercharges it.
I should try that.
Why are you nervous?
I know,
you know, it's the
end of the semester
and I also know
there's budgetary issues.
And that you have to
let a few professors go.
And so when I got
the note in my box,
I think I just
assumed the worst.
Would you be afraid
to get fired if your job
was to clean the floor
at one of those
coin-operated
jack-off booths?
You know,
where you're the one
holding the mop.
Um, fired from
a jack-off booth?
Where the truckers
go and masturbate.
Yeah. I know what
you're talking about.
Well? Would you?
Um...
No. I would not.
And yet, you're here
at Milton Valley,
the jack-off booth
of academia.
I'm not sure
what your point is.
You're too smart and
passionate to work here.
So why do you?
You know, I created
my own major at Stanford.
I have a doctorate
in Non-Violent
Conflict Resolution,
which no university
offers as a major.
They just don't.
So I teach intro
to soc classes.
And I'm... I'm also
in a relationship here.
I'm going to stop you.
UC is starting a conflict
resolution program.
I spoke to the head of
the Sociology Department.
And she's extremely
interested in hiring you
to run that program.
No way.
Now, she's meeting
the other applicant
on Wednesday
and she'll need to
make a decision that day.
Their semester
starts in a week.
(WHISPERS) You're meeting
her on Wednesday.
Oh, my God!
Thank you so much!
I'm so flattered
that you would
even consider me!
I just have to check
with my boyfriend Charlie
because he has...
He can't exactly
leave, uh, Milton.
Annie.
Please.
I went to state school.
I went to football games
and blacked out
and got date raped.
I had abortions.
I worried too much about
what my boyfriends thought.
I got what I deserved.
But that's not you.
You deserve
so much more than this.
RANDY:
I hope yourneighbor doesn't report
Why? You're a marshal.
You're allowed to fire
your weapon, aren't you?
Yeah, but I've had
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