Hector and the Search for Happiness

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1

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(AIRPLANE HUMMING)

(DRUMBEATS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SLAPPING HAND, PANTING)

Clara!

Hector.

- Morning, sweetheart.

- Morning.

Time to rise, time to shine.

HECTOR:
Mm.

NARRATOR:
Once upon a time,

there was a young psychiatrist

called Hector,

who had a very satisfactory life.

His world was tidy,

uncomplicated...

And he liked it that way.

(SLUSHING)

He took great comfort

in its predictable patterns.

Patterns his girlfriend Clara

was happy to maintain.

Thank you.

Bye.

Oh!

NARRATOR:
Any lapse

was swiftly rectified.

(WINGS FLAPPING)

(BELLS TOLLING)

Hector had a great deal

of patience

for his patients,

if you see what I mean.

Every day, I ask myself,

"How could my marriage

just explode the way it did?"

NARRATOR:
And like

all the best psychiatrists,

he knew how to answer

a question with a question.

Jane, what does exploding

mean to you?

ANJALI:
It's no good.

I have lost my psychic mojo.

Oh, I just can't see

a way out.

All my clients will leave me.

Hector, look at me,

I want the truth.

Do you see my light?

Here.

Please, don't lie to me.

I see your point.

(DOOR BUZZER HUMMING)

NARRATOR:
His patients never

crossed paths with each other.

They couldn't.

Once in a while,

Hector prescribed pills

with funny sounding names.

Roger, have you taken your meds?

I am fucking Ferrari.

What?

NARRATOR:
Experimenting

until he landed upon

- the one most suitable.

- Roger...

Two fat ladies!

Eighty-eight.

NARRATOR:

His clients always returned.

They gave his name

to their friends

who gave his name

to their friends.

(CAR HONKING)

After all, Hector's rates

were very fair.

They hadn't changed in years.

Okay-

Come to think of it,

neither had Hector.

CLARA'S BOSS:

And if that wasn't enough...

within six days,

our Clara discovers the name

for a companion drug,

which had eluded the marketing

department for six months.

(CHEERING)

Now, that's a talent for words.

But what I love most

about her

is that in the 10 years

that she's been with us,

she has yet to discover

the words "maternity" or "leave."

(LAUGHING, GROANING)

- Clara.

- (CLAPPING)

Thank you, all, so much.

What's in a name?

A glimmer of hope.

A chance for change.

That's right.

A way to alleviate suffering.

It's been five years

since we launched Tranquiline.

Correction. No, it's been

a lifetime for those

- who benefited from it.

- Yeah.

I'm getting emotional.

To Marketing.

- (CHEERING)

- I love you guys!

(CHEERING)

- (PERSIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

- C'est magnifique!

Hit that key.

(CAT-CALLING, JINGLING)

(PERSIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

- (GIGGLING)

- No. No..

Not me. Not me. Oh!

- (CHEERING)

- Come on!

Give them money.

(PERSIAN MUSIC)

(JINGLING, CHEERING)

(SLURRING) Oh, it's...

Yay!

(INAUDIBLE)

"What am I doing?"

(FRENCH ACCENT)

You are intriguing me.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

You are not working

with these people?

Oh, no, I'm Hector.

I'm a psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist.

Hello.

You can help me.

Oh, I think not.

But I want a penis.

- A penis.

- You mean happiness.

Everybody want 'appiness

but you cannot own 'appiness.

Yes, sorry.

It's, uh, elusive, yeah.

- You can't touch happiness.

- You cannot touch 'appiness.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

- (LAUGHING)

- FRENCH LADY:
I do!

Listen to me, I want

a penis in my bottom.

(LAUGHING GROGGILY)

No, no, you want happiness

from the bottom of your heart.

That is what I said,

a penis... in my bottom.

(LAUGHING)

Stop it.

HECTOR:
Oh, God!

- Ahh!

- CLARA:
Oh!

(PANTING)

I love my Hector.

I love my Clara.

No, really, I love

my weird-ass-eccentric-

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